If you honestly think
I will collapse without you
You are so wrong…
I will survive
Anger causes this arrhythmia
not heartache
not sorrow
not even regret
Artisan of Betrayal
you thought you could get away with it
you learned to thread together your lies so convincingly
others believed you too
love is redundant and life goes on
so easily found
so carelessly tossed away
I figure you will learn the hard way
survival of the fittest you always said
some are blind
your game became translucent
I can see
you put yourself into exile this time
victim of your own design
Artisan of Betrayal
Author notes
3.If he was stupid enough to walk away
be smart enough to let him go.
~Anonymous
A contest entry
- Final contest for a while.. by Erin200.
800 points, ended August 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Such a Painful Love by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended September 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Oooh. That is a great write. You did a great job on word choice, flow, and emotion. Best of luck in the contests.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
Nice piece, good luck.
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you need to put the quote the inspired you AN.
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I will agree with Burmina in saying that this is a very dramatic piece. I will also agree with her that it does contain some unfortunate cliches (don't worry, we all do it). I was really captured by the title, and I wish you had expanded on it with a bit more imagery. Artisan of Betrayal could be a fantastic write.
Also, good job on the proper and non-forced usage of the bonus word. An arrythmia is: "an alteration in rhythm of the heartbeat either in time or force." Good job.
Thank you for entering our contest.
Good luck with your future writes!
~desertrose *rose -
Thanks for the write!
As 'UnderTheRadientSky' put it... dramatically put. Personally, I feel it was a little -too- dramatically put in a couple of areas. For example-
"love is redundant" sounded too cliche for my tastes, as well as the phrase "survival of the fittest".
Besides those cliches, I thought there is certainly potential for this write. With a little editing and re-writing, I think Artisan of Betrayal could be a nicely polished piece.
Also, we were trying to focus on visual imagery- even in our word bank option. I found this too emotionally based to be appropreiate for this contest.
Thanks again for the entry-
Burmina
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awesome
I really liked this write. The language was very interesting.
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Excellant/intriguing
A most unusual write indeed. I like it just as it is.
Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are fine. Keep up the good work. -
An excellent write with a very smooth take on the words bank. A very powerful and great piece.
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dramatically portrayed. it reminds me of the phrase " if you're trying to take me down, you can try bitches, you can try"... wonderfully written
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masterful
great use of language. heartfelt. deep feelings on this one. don't agree with the line
[love is redundant and life goes on
so easily found]
but i c where ur coming from. thanks for sharing and good luck on the contest.
~marcus
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Great!
That is so very emtional and heart felt. I can almost feel what you where feelign when you wrote it. To some love becomes a game of lies to get what they want, and after they are done they think you should fall with them.
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loved it
very emotional and strongly written. -
really good
i really love your poetry. -
Wow
An emotional and well-written write. I felt the emotion that you put into this. I was equally impressed that you managed to do the word bank thing successfully. Rock on and well done.
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