Shadowland below the earth
A sad mirror of our ways
Deeper and more reflective
Than the darkest of our days
There Narcissus met his fate
A love begotten face
He and Echo had their doom
In cabalistic place
Eerie fog lines the path
Into the shallow deep
There we were not meant to go
Except in nightly sleep
Whether dream or nightmare
This world remains the same
Haunted with celestial ghosts
Wild, yet somehow tame
Author notes
peaceandpenguins
My inspiration comes from the foggy lake
A contest entry
- The Profound Rounds Part III by Kevan.
365 points, ended March 30, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Absolute Best Prewrite by Heavens Child.
800 points, ended April 25, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very nicely penned. Some great imagery and wording through out. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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I do agree with the judges judging! The rhythm wasn't perfect... (so hard to do!) but the rest totally made that negligible. I love the last verse. I heard from someone that the ending will always make or break the poem. And I can't agree more, this poems ending is... flawless!
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Originality/Creativity - 9/10 Great work. Very creative.
Imagery/message - 10/10 Perfect imagery. Sweet message also.
Style/Form - 8/10 Cool style and form. Effort was definitely placed in this piece.
Rule following - 5/5 Every rule was followed
Use Of Rhyme (If poem Rhymes) - 5/5 Mature rhymes and great scheme.
Other (Will specify) - 8/10 Wording was effective and the flow wasn't flawed at all.
Total: 45/50 + 5 bonus = 50/50
Perfect mark! Awesome job on this piece here. I can't see much wrong with this piece! Good luck!
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I absolutely love the imagery you've used in this poem, you've almost drawn up a kinda fight for their own lives here... very surreal. All the rhymes you've used are nice, but the rhythm is where the poem is lacking. It's close, but because it's not precise, it kinda drags out the flow... makes the reader need to re-read the lines a few times before they can see how to read it best.
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