Aprille
How dare you think to live forever
without me
someplace
far outside your mind
where a vague
and dreamy heaven waits
for you alone without your heathen I
who you've enjoyed and claimed your own
for love and for fulfillment of your each desire
and as a companion of the highest rank on earth
while you
abide your days
to dream of your afterplace
far out in some void
where I
who don’t believe your dreams
won't go
Why do you think "that life" - after
will be so grand and favored over
this one you have
when you cannot leave my side
for long on earth ?
What paradise exists
that is not
hand in hand and soul in soul with me
and what eternity
do you desire
thought
not felt
and
stilled, not
FIRE! ?
Author notes
FYI - style used: left side is reality - the right side is a common "dream" many seem to have - the middle is neutral ground that the paths to and from the others run through. The lines are not straight and plumb and flush only because the Allpoetry word processor will not allow exact a transfer from MS Word and will not allow, after hours of attempting, the intended alignment when typed directly to the Allpoetry processor. If it did the poem would "look" more like a Marine Honor Guard march then the march of the well oiled Paddys on St. Patrick's day in Dublin
********************************************************************
quotes by halfpast4ever - # 20 giving up until your dreams are worth more than defending in a fight thats never ending.
A contest entry
- Advante Garde, found and Free by W B Burkholder.
600 points, ended August 15, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Great Love (kinda helps if you've read Twilight/new moon/eclipse by stephenie meyer, if you haven't it's okay!) by LoveDroveMeCrazy4U.
600 points, ended August 24, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take time to move me; by bonjourbunnie.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - inspire me by uziphiel.
450 points, ended December 15, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1 of Cindy's Rounds Contest :) Give me your best PW !!.. by MaMa-2-be-Cindy.
800 points, ended December 15, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get Mad by RunningFree.
525 points, ended March 10, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Muses for the masses (options galore) by Goldfist.
500 points, ended March 28, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enchanted Misery Contest by Ms Raneika.
1200 points, ended March 20, 2008, 75 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Semi Quickie Picture Prompt - PIF - by Reptile Lady by Reptile Lady.
475 points, ended March 30, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Miss You Terribly. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended May 16, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Super Quick PW by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended May 31, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rockers inspiration by your angers a gift.
382 points, ended July 31, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personal Best: contemporary poems. by Brit-Girl.
700 points, ended August 12, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Proud to be Human by Death of the Author.
525 points, ended September 28, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options~~ =) by Ti Amo Te Quiero.
360 points, ended October 10, 2008, 27 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fire by xxcandycanexx.
300 points, ended October 18, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's All About Love by grammabuff.
900 points, ended February 10, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mixed Emotions by hotchocolate.
700 points, ended February 9, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winklings # 168 ~ For members and Allpoetry ~ Free Verse anyone? by Lyndon.
1750 points, ended March 30, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Since Plautus is dead... by Brian A.
1700 points, ended April 19, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Impossible... by TerrifiedSky.
1000 points, ended April 23, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INTIMATE INTIMACY! by BluRosePoet8488.
1000 points, ended June 17, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Breakups... by kay772.
400 points, ended November 9, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - This time it's different... by Ashonymous.
400 points, ended October 27, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - quotes by halfpast4ever.
565 points, ended November 2, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feeling-Grams by Poetess12.
1800 points, ended November 15, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Passion Please by Fire-Fly.
400 points, ended November 10, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
The idea of your poem is an excellent one and I'm sure most people can relate - reality, dream and neutral - and what you've written fascinates me, however I found it a tad difficult to know quite how to read it for it to flow the way it should.
Whether this was the intention, or whether, had it been set out as you could have in Word, it would have fallen easily into place, I'm not sure. Interesting nonetheless.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. -
I like how your poem is put together between reality and dream and even neutral.
It's very creative.
Thank you very much for your entry
-
i love this poem it is extremely creative, and a very good write all together. thankyou for entering my contest and good luck
-
this is the most CREATIVE style of writing i've ever seen. gosh i love this!!! definitely a finalist!
-
THis is a really good poem well done and I like the format. You have a wide vocabulary and can express yourself in an interesing. Thank you for entering and good luck to you.
-
wow
this is great i love the way you set it up. -
Thank you so much for entering my contest. I really did enjoy reading through your poem and I must say that you have such a different style. It was really quite a pleasure to read through yours, it was quite different.
-
Interesting
in both form and word usage this poem is an creative entry to submit, however as interesting as it is, it is also very confusing. i am sure most readers appreciate your explanation of it. i do appreciate your poem for what you have presented here and thank you for submitting it for all to enjoy. -
So Beautiful
I loved this write. The line "far outside your mind...." sets the stage, if you will, for the poem. Bravo! Write-On!!!
-
Thank you for your creative and moving entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
-
Very very moving, Thanks for entering! Best of luck!
-
Interesting structure of the poem...
It's done very well and creative
I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for entering, good luck!
-
Interesting layout, I like the poem too. You're very creative, keep up the good work. Thanks for entering my contest also
And good luck on your other contests as well.
-
nice
x -
well written ive never seen somethng like this before
thnak u for ur entry
-
wow, this is entered in a zillion contests, haha. but thanks for including an explanation in the author's note about the format, i was wondering if there was a reason for it. and now knowing the reason, and that it was intentional... it's really quite neat.
i loved this line -
What paradise exists
that is not
hand in hand and soul in soul with me
thanks for entering. -
wow, i really liked this, pretty sweet style here, and thank you for entering:]
-
The layout was a tad annoying, but once I caught on to reading it, it was wonderful.
thanks for entering,
good luck. -
Irritating
Layout is irritating me.I have not even read it all,it is annoying. -
Beautiful!
Fantastic- who cares for lay outs when your words ring so clear in this --My its so good----Thanks --R.H.
-
This is indeed a very deep, inquisitive, and passionate poem. It seems to capture the essence of 2 hearts, hands, and souls merged and it also seems seems to convey one heart's longing.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
BC. -
i do not like the lay out.
-
Interesting! I enjoyed this. Thank you for entering. good luck!
-
Interesting style and layout for this poem. Thank you for entering and good luck! Keep the ink flowing!
-
Interesting layout and idea. Thank you for entering.
-
very nice
thanx for entering good luck -
This is an interesting layout. I like the idea about the left being reality, the middle being neutral ground and the right side being a common dream. It bridges the gap between what is, what could be and what we wish it to be.
Mariana
-
*Shivver*
-
Very nice style, and I see by all the trophies that it is highly regarded by your peers as well. Thanks for entering, and good luck in our contest.
Novy & Brazos
-
Thank you for entering our contest....this is a very vividly written piece....novy & brazos
-
wow...DOUBLE WOW! great dp!
-
Hey, I do think is an awfully good poem, but it isn't what I'm looking for. (dirty pretty.)
sorry, thank you for entering anyway though
-
I really enjoyed this poem, the message and the questions within. This is a philosopher's dream and a theologan's nightmare. It is also a cultural statement and a problem far too many people refuse to acknowlege.
I must admit I was put off by the style untill I read your comments...then was impressed by it.
Thanks for entering. -
wow you have won so many trophies with this poem, obviously youve read my suggestions where i did point out that prewritten poems are allowed but new poems prefered,
saying that, this is a very powerful poem,
i do believe that if i poet has to explain their lay out, or thoughts conveyed in the poem, then the thoughts or layout are not clear enough and therefore have no overall effect.
it is however your poem, and therefore you can decide to do what you will with it.
but thank you for entering my contest, it is obviously a very good poem,
alex -
Let me start off by saying that the feelings wrought in your poem are expressed magnificently. The questions of a lover: how can his beloved wish for a banal eternity that is separate from him? This is a desperate cry for a sense of equilibrium. The speaker of the poem possesses a rather dismal view of eternity. The picture of eternity which many churches profess is one of perfect peace and total focus on God, without even the recognition of those who were so close to us on earth. I understand your anger or confusion towards this view of the after life: in my view, heaven is the epitome of passion, passion shared with God and with those who we loved on earth. I truly am sorry that your view on eternity is so bleak. If you want to talk at all about your concerns with the idea of heaven or eternity, please feel free to message me. I would like to talk to you about other views contrary to what you feel people view heaven as being. If not, I understand completely.
That said, I really enjoyed the format of your poem.At first, I was a bit wary, but after reading it I was completely blown away. The way you can express such deep emotions in so few words is baffling. That ability is the sign of a truly gifted poet. Your style is unique and praiseworthy.
Thank you for entering my contest.
-
I'm usually weary of poems written in this format, but this particular poem is wonderful. I love how you have used the left, right, and middle of the page to provide "realms" in which your words speak. The details are very good and despite the not-so-perfect-alignment, I love the poem. It is obvious that you have put much effort into this poem. Good luck and God bless.
-
Firstly, I'm a tad picky on how I like poetry, I can appreciate other types aswell. I just disliked your use of format, the imagery and words you used was excellent, the odd grammer mistake here and there and a randon question mark elsewhere..
Some people like it, I just don't however.
Very freeverse though.
Thank you for taking the time to enter.
Well done on the trophies!
Kind regards
Sophie
-
Quite a successful little poem you've got here. I must say you've done a fantastic job, even if the alignment isn't quite right. I truly loved this. Reality, dreams.... we all live inside them both. They coexist. Great job and good l uck in the contest.
Much love,
Jessica -
Well, this is certainly a juggernaut in the contests, isn't it? I also find this piece rather appealing. The simple, short lines, and the Tao of spirituality one can read from it. I'm not too sure about the line "who don't believe", as it's singular right? Anyway, it's an excellent poem. As a wise friend once told me, "Man's biggest problem came when they started worshipping a man and forgot about the gods". On that note,
-
Title- 5/5
Creativity- 5/5
Use of metaphors, imagery, etc.- 8/10
Overall package- 4/5
Total mark= 22/25
Wow, this was brilliant.
Too bad the words processor
wouldn't make it look exactly
the way you intended it to,
because I'm sure it would
look better but this is still good.
Very originally crafted, I really
enjoyed your piece.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
& congrats on all those well-deserved trophies!
-
this poem was very complex and deep though it was simplistically worded. I appreciate that in poetry. no wonder this has won so many trophies before. thank you for entering.
-
It is obvious
that you are using spatial and linear means to say a whole lot more? I take it you are a man to so write to and for "Aprille"?
Thank you for yet another interesting presentation in this particular contest. Best wishes, Ron.
-
The content here is wonderful! I think it would read just as powerfully in stanza form and be easier on the eyes! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. It's an honor to have you show your work here.
-
wow this one poem is amazing . it can actually be multiple poems in one. i see you have really made an impression with the other judges of multiple contest. You've done very well. Thank you for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kahy
-
When I see things like this, I always read it in different orders, searching for different meanings. This one is beautiful, and I applaud you.
Would you mind trying something similar to this in collaboration with me sometime?
-
You have a masterpiece here, but I must say Ap really screwed you with your format, because it takes away from your piece. I had to read the author notes, and then go back and decipher it in the way you intended it to be read before I could really appreciate it. But, regardless, it is a wonderful write.
-
ok ... good write.
But i always find these type of layouts confusing.
Thanks for entering, Good luck x -
This is very different and unexpected. I had some trouble following the format but overall it was a good peom. I could never pull off a formatted poem like this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
-
Very nice write...
-
which option was this?
-
The form is very different indeed. I could never attempt this! It is a little distracting. Thank you for entering and good luck.
-
Thank you for your heartfelt piece, Josie
-
The form is very different and very well done. Thanks for entering
-
A wonderful piece and a cool form you did here! I enjoyed the read and good luck in the contest
-
Wow...well first i love the form you've used...its different than anything i've read before but i like it
i likel how you seperated reality and fantasy aswell.
i think its great overall
thank you so much for your entry and the very best of luck to you
-
Oh wow. This is quite different and I love how you were able to align your poem in a fantasy vs. reality kind of away. Wonderful write. Thanks for entering.
-
I think I've read this one before... it's beautiful
thanks
dh -
i am absolutely amazed by this...i got teary eyed...it is that beautiful!!why do you think that life after will be so grand and favored over this one you have when you cannot leave my side for long on earth...that is my favorite part...and the way you structured it....honestly amazing!!!
-
Wow!!!!! this is incredible. SO much emotion. The style you have used is magnificant. You have so much talent. I am amazed at how you have managed to do this. It is no wonder you have dones so well in contests! I am honoured that you have entered this poem into my contest. Thank you for entering
-
its well written but not the style nor rhyme that i am looking for....actually it didnt really rhyme at all. thanks for the entry tho. and good job on all the trophies lol =]
-
I love the form
it is very unique and
surreal....
thank you so much
for entering
I enjoyed this very much.
~Pastel
-
I am sorry but I can't figure out how to read this one. Thanks for entering it into my contest. And thanks for writing it. And congrats on all the trophies. I am sure that they are well deserved.
-
Very well writen
I like the layout of it, all spread out
I was a wonderful write
and I enjoyed reading it
Thank you for entering
Keep up the great work
Good luck
Kitty23 -
Interesting write!
i really enjoyed reading this piece, it's so good!
i love the disjointed-ness of the layout, it makes you read it differently adding to the effect!
good luck
<3<3<3 -
Interesting!
Thank you for entry. Very interesting and thought provoking. I like the duality in this. Good write, fun read! Thanks and Good Luck! -
This is an interesting piece you've posted here. I like all the questions you use directed towards the other person. I must admit it's not quite what i am looking for but i appreciate your entry.
-
I liked what you did with the format, very creative to show two sides to love. It certainly made the read that bit more interesting. Thanks for entering
-
I like it, good job
Sorry I did not get back to you sooner.
The idea is very neat. I think the roughness of the layout actually works to the poem's advantage. Thanks for entering.
-
Wow, unique style. Love how you've used it. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
-
"what paradise exists that is not hand in hand and soul in soul with me"
favourite part.
I love this, I think it could have gone without your novel of an explanation, but hey, to each their own
What's your screen name?
Peace & love,
xx Sin -
I liked this.
The style was something completely new to me though. Thanks for the explaination. Good Luck!
-
i liked the style, obviously i wont say more for now the contest still has a few more weeks and what not, but cool style, wish more people didnt just write down one side... its all outside the boxy but with a purpose
good work -
Okay this is very interesting. I have never ever seen a poem written quite like this one. I think this made it a little difficult to read because I am so unfamiliar on how to read it. Thanks for the explanation of how to read it. This made it somewhat easier.
Good luck on the contest
-
I haven't read it yet, but I read your Author's Note and I've had problems with formatting poems how I want them to look before. However the "roughness" could be a nice touch of the blending between reality and dreams. Anyway, I'll be back
-
Well I did enjoy your perspective. Being blind and all, I guess the style is somewhat irrelevant, but I see what you were getting at.
Often times, people waste their reality, contemplating the next, therefore always living an insufficient reality. Well, I'll remain intifferent as far as that goes, but at the same time it's good to enjoy the here and now.
Good luck in the contest. -
I found this line to be the most telling of all:
hand in hand and soul in soul with me
You put a great deal of thought and effort into your writing and although it was hard to follow your Author Notes explained things nicely. The form as it appears on AP was distracting but certainly didn't detract from your wonderful words.
Thank you for your entry and best wishes in the judging.
Love Margaret
-
I like the ideas & the wording,
but the.. interesting form kind of turned me off,
I had to read it more than once to understand it.
-
I enjoyed this but I found that I had to re-read it a few time to get it though. But that could just be me.
A wonderfull write and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Rose -
Wow!
What a fantastic piece and the style you used, very creative. I'm not suprised at the trophies you've recieved for this piece!
Good luck
-
wow, congrats on all the trophies for this piece!
i really like the format of this poem and it really adds to the poem as a whole.
great job!
thanks for your entry
-
Humm..the voyages are beyond to achieve if they are turned into the wonders of poetry....well done..and my thanks for sharing it...
-
First let me congratulate you on all of the trophies you have won for this piece. This is a great write, and I thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Like the form and words. Dont see how it fits with the contest.
-
Wow, this is incredible ! I love this style, as it is so unique and the whole poem was amazingly powerful. I can't even pick out my favorite lines, because the whole thing was amazing, really. Thank you so much for entering & I wish you the best of luck ! ♥
-
Love the style, great write... hits close to home, great job! Thanks so much for entering!
-
Very nice!...I like the style you wrote it in...very heart felt...it makes the reader kinda inspired and sad at the same time...this is a great write...thank you so much for entering it and good luck!
-
Thank you for your well expressed entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
-
I loved this and I can see why you have so many entries with this. I read your authors notes and I am not fussed with the alignment. You have really done well here and it was great to read. Well done.
-
Hmmm, thanks for the explanation in the author's notes. I was lost with the form you used until I read that. Well done. Thanks for entering.
-
This poem is great and very creative. I enjoyed the style that you attempted and pretty much got it. Much luck to you in the contest.
-
wow this is so creative it leave me in awe going holy cow cause this obviously took a lot of thought and planning.
-
thanks hon for entering the contest this was different and also a pleasure to read thanks for entering here
rose petal desires -
Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
-
Very good poem, It would be interesting to see the poem the way you intended it to be.
Thank you for entering the contest and I am so sorry that it took this long to judge.
Claire-Anne -
Your first line in this is the most special. Thanks
for your entry. -
This was a beautifully written poem. Its originality shines through your words and style of writing. Thanks for sharing this lovely write & best of luck
-
the first couple of lines just draw me in and the format just add to this poem! i liked it! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
-
An awesome poem
So different
But its more then thirty words
Thank you for entering and keep penning your amazing writes.
Julie -
congradulations.
You won the colour green. Yes, this poem has resulted in you winning an entire colour! Isn't this what you've always wanted? The colour green all to your self? Even if your proprietary rights to the colour are in name only, it's still something to be proud of.
Adding your comment:
