Black Ivory
A rinky-tink piano
played a bonkie saloon beat
As the shots of rot gut whiskey
knocked the cowboys off their feet.
A flush was holding steady
to three threes facing up
as the whores were busying serving
those the reverend called corrupt.
The sweat was flowing awful
as the heat baked all inside
and a posse just returning
cursed the man they shot who died.
Yet no one west of Kansas
or east here of Miz-zoo
could pound that old piano
like that darkey there could do.
A contest entry
- The Wild, Wild West! Semi Quickie!! Come see! by sailor ptolema.
650 points, ended June 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cowboy's In 1880 by ennovy.
700 points, ended February 23, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
well I know there were men of color, black men in cowboys days....and you sure gave him his props...thanks for entering....novy
-
A great story, one I thouroughly enjoyed, but you never did tell us if the flush held up...perhaps if you could get one of the 'whores' to bring me another drink, I might be able to imagine the ending. On the house, of course...
Good luck in the contest,
Brazos
-
que bueno!
wow, you paint an accurate and vividly descriptive image of what the inside of a saloon was like in the wild west!!!
I love this, a lot. "rinky-tink' is such a great phrase! It's great auditory imagery and conjures in my mind what those hony-tony piano tunes much have sounded like
and I like the way you talk about the poker game,...as if the card themselves were actually facing off,
you paint the complete scene of a saloon in the wild west: you have the piano player, the saloon girls (although I don't think they were really prostitutes ), the lack of ventilation & blistering dusty heat, the posse coming in, the poker game, and the "rot gut whiskey"! such a great way to describe the wicked raw liquor they drank back then.
you included all elements....even the black piano player, who I'm sure was ignored in the saloon, no one giving him a second glance because of his dark skin.
well done, poet. thank you for entering, and g'luck! -
Loved the setting here, I could actually see the smoke rising from the cigars and smell the musky odors.Good Luck to you in the contest. Well Done poet.
-
Great write here
I loved the story and wish you luck in the contest
try to go back and use the spell check again
to the three threes(thieves) facing up I think you meant to say thieves .
-
-
Hi
to: storiesuntold
re: your comment on Black Ivory
Poker Lesson 101
In poker, which cowboys played in saloons back when, there can be such a poker hand where one has three threes or three of any card (eights, aces twos etc...) in a deck, so the words are OK and also meaningful because three threes is a strong betting hand, though a flush will top it and win.
However, I do appreciate your comments and do appreciate you having such a great theme for a contest. The wild west and the lonesome west were full of poets and poetry, romantic and winsome, most of which still treasured by people all over the world. Hopefully some of the entries you receive will add to the treasures. All the best to you - billpoet
-
-
you write well
-
Well written, Thank you for entering our contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
