Sundays
When I was child I was tugged to church
(as on occasions I still am) and the preacher stretched
amoment into f o r e v
e r and
e... v... e.... r...
while my mind raced out away
around the sun drenched speedway I had built
into my other universe
away from all the dread
and the dreaded begats
bearing down on me.
My mother's elbow sideswiped my ribcage.
I briefly pitted (bummer) to assess damage refuel
and then hauled ass
back to the amen line, under caution
no checkered flag for me
but all the usual hoopla.
Author notes
A contest entry
- Road Trip by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 3, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Driving (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
490 points, ended January 13, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts Obondonza by Paloszoo.
575 points, ended February 5, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are we the waiting? by just sam.
400 points, ends December 4, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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A truly amusing and clever piece. Thankyou for entering,
xx Sam -
Judge
I totally understand. The only problem I had was that when you steched the word out that It distracted me. Otherwise It was good. Good luck and keep writing!! -
This was a good poem, Thank you the entry and good luck.
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thank you for entering
i really like this piece, it flowed well and says a lot, amazing and a really great write. Thank you for entering and good luck!
-penguin- -
Very well written! i loved the way you wrote it and the way you went with it. thanks so much for entering
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Very good. Well done!
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LOL That is what you get for day dreaming during church. LOL This had me laughing. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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I really liked this poem. You painted such a vivid scene in my head of a child in church. Definitely brought a smile to my face. The flow was great and unlike below I liked the forever and ever part. It really put you in the frame of my mind to read this one, thinking about how the preacher really does tend to drag things on endlessly sometimes. I think this was a great write, very relatable to so many. Thank you so much for entering. Best of luck in the contest.
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I didnt like the part 'forever and ever'
It took some time to figure that out.
but other than that I thought this was written very well.
thanks for taking the time to enter,
good luck -
lol i enjoyed this piece.
i thought it was funny, and as said below, the take on childhood church going was awesome. 
keep up the good work! congrats on the trophies. thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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your another me!!!
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I enjoyed this take on childhood churchgoing. Hope you got to the speedway though that was probably against some people's religion.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
wow this is really good. great work on the poem.. i found it very intriguing. thank you so much for sharing and the best of luck to you. kahy
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I do dislike when overly religious people seem to think they are right and have the way of being able to forgive you. I want want to be forgiven, if I want to be I will be asked for forgiveness by God, or the person I upset. I like your blatant honesty and can relate to this one quite a bit.
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been to snore-land before,
some sermons are just plain snoozy, hehehe -
Delightful poem, Bill! Great job.. I never did manage to get into my 'daydreams' in church, never managed to escape the 'begat's',
.. Our preacher had a voice that rocked the foundations and rattled the rafters! No one, man, woman or child, slept, daydreamed or went to other 'Universes', 
, he made sure of that! Well done! 
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oh yes i can understand this, some sermons do seem to go on feorever especialy when you are a daydreaming youngster longing to run out and play in the fresh air, i think a lot of adults still have to be elbowed into the Amen response as they also daydream about what's for dinner or on the tv thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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this is unique and extreemly clever
thanks for the entry -
Spectacular write. Enjoyed it immensely! Great job! Thanks for entering my contest. It's an honor to have you show you work here.
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An awesomely written piece…so conversational while keeping its poetic tone, wow that is good writing. Much love and respect to you.
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LOL I can remember living in my own world while sitting in church. Thank you very much for entering my contest.
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w.o.w (that stands for wonderful, outstanding and uhh wowie.) good work! but what is it you want to be in muh contest?
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The way you set this write up lends to the effect of it greatly. I could picture you bored beyond words in church and daydreaming. I could also imagine your mother elbowing you.
Thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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Wow this poem is very well writtened and i like it alot. my favorite part was when you said "My mother's elbow prodded me.
I briefly pitted (bummer) to assess damage refuel
and then hauled ass
back to the finish line, under caution
no checkered flag for me
but all the usual hoopla." that was worded so well. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
A great poem about daydreaming...because its when I...and everybody else daydreams the most, liked your way of putting across how long the service took, granted a little confusing, but it worked in the end
thanks for the read. -
So... actually Sunday's were kind of cool.
What a great "forever." Amen for the hoopla.
Marlene -
Oh, do I ever remember those moments stretched into f...o.....r....... e..........v.............e..............e................r. Thanks for entering this delightful poem.
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i havent been to church in months...but when i go i fall to sleep lol
thanks for entering. i enjoyed this
<3Dani -
Tough for kids to sit still in church during the sermon and all that praying going on. Fidgity, bored, and thye just want to walk around. Some parents give them books to read to try to keep them occupied during the service. Can see this happening - liked this write and what you say about this event in your life.
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When I was child I was tugged to church
(as on occasions I still am) and the preacher stretched
amoment in to for e v e r
while my mind raced out away
Hahahaha, good verse. I love the whole stretching it out to add dramatic flair and effect. Great job. -Inc." -
Excellent form and style, an enjoyable reminisce of childhood memories. I myself, always envisioned fantasy worlds, like I was playing with Aslan instead of speeding around in a car - the shared escapism is still wonderful to partake in.
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Thank you
You play with the King of the Lions, how wonderful. If (when) in infinithy our Sunday dreams mingle can you introduce me to Your friend Aslan and in turn I will take you around the tract at lightspeed. Hope you get to enjoy some more of my poems - billboet
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good poem
takes you on the daydreaming track . different approach I like the way you approached this "My mother's elbow prodded me.
I briefly pitted (bummer) to assess damage refuel
and then hauled ass
back to the finish line, under caution" that part puts the reader right there bencg sore butt and all lol
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