When in despair I battled endlessly,
consumed in most encounters, barely won.
Such hours trigger their unnoticed gun,
and deeds are cleaved which mourns morality.
A raven wakens who is feigned by day,
black-embered slumber creeps its sullen ray,
and there is much the angry wolf has done,
lone in the woods at justice snarls away.
No wonder when the two of them are found,
there would be nothing wrong
In knowing that a demon underground,
resumes his loathsome song.
Author notes
The Raven and the Lone Wolf...
A contest entry
- MONSTER PROFILE by MissStranger.
600 points, ended March 23, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This is well written. with such good use of imagery you could perhaps extend it without loosing its sense of imagination and metaphorical depth. i like the fact that i had to read it a few times to fully appreciate its complexities. very dark!
i like it muchly so
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Impressive!!!
I really like how you worded this piece!!!
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Interesting rhyme scheme, and the message is a bit...macabre. I don't know, I think it's a decent poem. I just feel that it should be longer to explain all these characters and quasi-allegories
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This poem perfectly depicts poetically the battle one wages daily with depression and one's secondary battle with trying to pretend that everything is alright when it isn't. At least, this is what this poem called to mind for me. Sometimes when one is emotionally afflicted, the safest thing that one can do, seemingly, is pretend to everyone that everything is alright, knowing inside that the truth is that its the opposite. Nicely drawn out.
By the way, I have some new sonnets in iambic pentameter that I can send you the links to if you like.
John Carney -
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Please do so ASAP
I have missed them so much, and will try to locate them myself, I however don't know why I have been so sleepy for a while, propably my studies and approaching exams.
I believe that a poem can be percepted differently by any person who reads it, especially when it's a poem like this which (shows) more than it realy describes.
Be well,
It's good to see you again sir John.
Raven
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Beautifully Penned! There is a lyrical cadence to these words. Although melancholy, these words sing. They are a dirge that speaks of self-exposure which is quite revealing. It is no wonder this work placed in this contest. Written expertly and with the fervor of knowing oneself. I think it is very astute of you to bend and twist the rules. In all actuality there are no rules of writing that cannot be twisted to fit the muse. I love the play with the rhyme scheme in this work. It shows your ability to create. You make me want to develop a form that does just that called; "Bending-Rhyme". I think I might just do that, and send you the link. LOL
Excellent rhyming poetry here dear friend. And Congrats on your well deserved win!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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My pleasure, my pleasure..
And my pleasure..
I would certainly love to twist my pen again under the flags of your contest...that would be all the sweeter and challenging as well.
Thank you from my heart for your kind and honest comment.
RD.
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And please, don't stop manipulating the meters and rhyme...It seems irresistible to play with the tools and bend them to your poetry, rather than bend your poetry to the rules. The tools are the frame, not the art...(But you already know that )How dry not to craft the rules to suit you once you grasp them!
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Copy that
Agreed I am, and proceeding I'll be.
Thanks for your most-welcomed comment.
RD.
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What a rich, dark (nearly animated) array of visuals you project here. There is a current of desolation that sweeps over the reader by the end of the second stanza and the concluding verse (especially the last line--excellent line) gives more impact to that feeling. Your variations with rhyme and meter added to my fascination.
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Interesting form again.
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I am thankful
Again...lol.
And thank you for your deep hearted message.
I appreciate your approach and understanding, and I'd like to think of myself as an optimist (though I know I am realy one sometimes).
Be very well my friend (sir),
RD.
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wow!!! the imagery is fantastic in this write. i wanted to check out something of yours because of our earllier conversation and i am very happy that i did. good luck in this contest you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Haha..
It's my pleasure that you did.
Hope you liked it.
Thank you for your concern and attention,
RD.
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EXCELLENT
hmmmmm....LOVED IT! the structure is quite intriguing and very well handled and i must confess I haven't read this abba type of rhymming for a long time! the idea is simply brilliant!it has that twist of perspective which makes it all co very challanging not mentioning that the title leaves so many open doors for the reader.this poem is I would say complete: it has both images and psichological details of your monster and moreso it artfuly describes the essentianl relation between you and him,showing a quite objective insight!well done!well done indeed!thank you for entering and good luck! -
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I am deadly glad
That you saw it, the way I itended it to be from the very start.
Or maybe it's just people like us who don't abide by common rules or staedy lines..are the only ones who could look (inside) and not exteriorly about how a phrase, or a word works (so logically).
Sure I'll follow the rhyming plan (then make my own), and I'll follow the metres verse (then mix it for another creation).
But I will never forfiet my mysterious ink (of love, of hate, and of personal perspectives).
Be well, thanks for your beautiful contest, and (taste) *winks*.
RD
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Well done. And I only just now saw that you have me listed as your friend on your profile. Thank you! I really like the metaphor.
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My pleasure
Be well,
RD.
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