Redwood
Grow Ye monsters
Grow and wait
Patience have… survive
Man made poisons will dissolve
Mother Nature man will solve
he will pass You will thrive
Time will cure the damage wrought
Climb climb climb as You were taught
Time will give You back your home
Once more You will live alone
in Your niches near the sea
as Nature’s King of plant and tree
Author notes
A contest entry
- Nature Lovers (16 Lines or Less) by Poesing.
800 points, ended December 31, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Fading by Vagabond.
360 points, ended April 17, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ashamed to be Human - Collection Point I by Death of the Author.
450 points, ended September 20, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - sorry everyone for taking so long... by PonyPride.
650 points, ended December 17, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Every Thorn has a Rose by Scary Guy.
700 points, ended January 19, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ballistic Prompts!!! by Everlasting Ellen.
800 points, ended April 3, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me - nature poetry by arnica karuna.
675 points, ended June 14, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Passions of the Heart (Hate, Envy, and Jealousy contest) by MYsecondchance.
1100 points, ended June 27, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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this is so powerful yet so simple.
"Man made poisons will dissolve
Mother Nature man will solve
he will pass You will thrive" - this is my fav line.
and i also like the use of ye... brings the reader close. this is very simple and heartfelt write. i could feel your love and respect towards these forest tress.
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Beautiful write. I really enjoyed reading this. Those trees are magnificent aren't they? (hope I spelled that right!) Thanks for entering this into my contest and giving me the oppurtunity to read it. Good luck!
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very nicely dpone thank you this was nice to read
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i'm sorry, but since i still don't have your user name, i have no way of knowing what the other entry was in my contest, and i have to disqualify you. thanks for entering anyways
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I love this poem, but you didn't put in your user name or a link to the other poem you entered. Without those things, I won't be able to judge you, so please please please put them up in your author's notes as soon as possible. Or send me a message telling me your user name and the titles of both poems
Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest
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Did you enter three fresh writes along with this prewrite? Please read the rules (a bit long), its 1 pw per 3 fresh.
Time will cure the damage wrought
Climb climb climb as You were taught
Time will give You back your home
very nice. Beautiful. please include your prompt and penname in your AN. enter three fresh (if you havent) and include those in your AN before the contest ends or i'll have to DQ.
clair -
Very good poem, I love the rhyme scheme; sounds beautiful. Great poem, keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest
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This strikes me as hyperbolic glorification of redwoods (referred to in the capital You sense which is notably reserved for God, traditionally). That's not necessarily bad. It is a pretty little piece mostly with a nice trochaic meter throughout which suggests a sense of authority, which is helpful to the tone of the piece. I say mostly because the final two lines are notably iambic. Easy fix for the last line: remove 'as'. The second line requires some rewording, probably.
I would prefer a more fixed rhyme pattern, but not only for aesthetic reasons: a fixed rhyme would suggest the impregnability of nature, which is a major thematic element in this piece, I think.
"Patience have ... survive" is an awful line. The inverted syntax made me cringe.
There is a line which does not quite mesh: "Mother Nature man will solve". Is this meant to say that man will conquer Mother Nature? Because the poem seems to be headed the opposite direction: that Mother Nature will "conquer" - or at least circumvent - man/"man made poisons".
Anyway, thank you for your entry and good luck. -
very lovely good luck. *
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very powerful.
thanks for entering,
good luck -
Nicely written. I like how powerful this piece is. Well done, good luck and thanks for entering.
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beautiful objective...take the content of earth and narrow it down to one specie which strive to survive...strong and powerful words. thank you for entering
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Congratulations, you're a finalist!!!
I loved the concept of your write. Apparently, you're comfortable talking to trees and nature, just like I am! And that is one of the things I was looking for. Very often I find myself encouraging my favorite trees and flowers to grow bigger, brighter and fuller... Your write gave a soul and body to nature and that is commendable.
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!!! -
Great work of poetry here Bill. Let's hope they can continue. Thanks again!
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I can only hope that they'll survive, great write, shows hope for the future, thanks for entering
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Superb job!
Eric
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I saw the Giant Red Cedar in Stanley park, it took my breath away. I hope one day I get to visit the groves to see these awesome beauties you write of. Wonderful write with a strong message.
Thank you for your entry.
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Holy Pancakes!
Wow, truely poetic. I love nature poetry...could be because I adore Rober Frost...and this kinda reminds me of him.
The rhyming was great and the flow was amazing. with a few commas I think this piece would be perfect. I love it, really.
well done, and thanks for entering,
-Dusty-
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Wow it took me a couple of readings to finally realize what it was all about, now I understand and its actually quite a grreat poem! When I think of trees, I always think of their strong sturdy nature, and their ability to grow and survive and provide protection. Its a lovely write, it shows strength and hope, lovely poetic flow here. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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ooo!! this is beautiful!! fantastic naturesc poem
i love it! i love the premotion of green paradise.. excellent work here
this is really well written and i really enjoyed reading this one
great job once again, friend!
-Lemon Bee-
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awesome!
When I was picturing giants, the redwoods never came to mind. This was really cool and very outside of the box! Awesome read!
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A perfect match for the prompt chosen.
Redwoods are awe inspiring to me, as is your creation here.
Thank you for your entry
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Very nicely done, I truly enjoyed the unique style!
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so truly profound and deep... x
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Beautifully written! Thanks for entering...and congrats on all the trophies!
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This is new! I really like this style of writting! It doffersfrom most others I have read! Thank you for entering!
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Wow. It's lovely to see something different! This is wonderful, thankyou for entering it.
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
On Mark!
I just finished Alan Weisman's "The World Without Us". Your poem echos his sentiments or visa versa. Excellent position piece.
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- Consistent Theme
- Beautiful Message
- Sincere Passion
- This however is not a Spoken Word form.
Thank you very much for your entry.
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Reading this again I absolutely flippin' love it. A corker!
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This could have done with some punctuation, it would just make it easier to read and therefore flow better. But I like what you have said. A nice ode to Nature's resilience in spite of man. We are but a blink of an eyelid. Thank you for your entry, some part of me now can't wait for humans to go, just so everything can thrive again. It would be very interesting to see the world without humans...
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There is a strong respect woven here.
A sentiment too of that which knows its
place and of those who have yet to learn.
Nicely done. Blue
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kinda sad but yet amazing still! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
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I have always wanted to see a Redwood in person they are such amazing trees! Such wonderful imagery and emotion within your amazing write. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering
Theresa
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Great write, thank you for entering. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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Wow! What a marvelous point you make here! These Kings, these beautiful giants will survive us all. I love how you describe them; and the poem is so lovely!!
"Man made poisons will dissolve
Mother Nature man will solve
he will pass You will thrive
Time will cure the damage wrought
Climb climb climb as You were taught
Time will give You back your home"
What a fitting tribute to Nature's King. Very, very nice. These patient, quiet and serene beings. Best wishes to you and congrats on the hm!
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Hey! Thanks for entering my contest.
Great work on this poem, and on fitting it into the appropriate category (and for actually putting the option number in the author comment box; i swear your the only entrant so far capable of reading instructions! lol)
Anyways, Really good work on this poem, and an excellent choice on the subject matter. Trees, and not just redwoods specifically i think, are something very fair that we - as a race in general - treat poorly, and it is clear from your writing that this is something you would miss very much if it was gone. I agree with the comments of Bleep7 below in the misplacement of the "Ye" though, it doesn't really seem to fit with the language used in the rest of the poem.
Excellent work anyways, and thanks again for entering! -
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Hi, and
belatedly, thanks for your comments on my poem Redwood. Just wanted you to know about the "ye". You stated "I agree with the comments of Bleep7 below in the misplacement of the "Ye" though, it doesn't really seem to fit with the language used in the rest of the poem." FYI: I used YE to stress that some of the giant Redwoods were just young adults in BC times when the word YE was far more common than the word You. YE would have had enough prominence in that time and that language and I used it to emphasize the astounding age of these quiet Goliaths, and sheath the countless human generations they have survived and thrived until - now. Your comment actually verifies this point. Hopefully you will understand this. Best wishes to you - bill
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Uplifting spirit, your words flow through the air beautifully and I love the meaning - its captivating and filled with hope.
Thanks for entering,
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Excellent
The only thing I thought was kinda outta place was the "Ye" in the first line, especially since there is no other King James wording in your poem. This poem expresses the beautiful magnificence of the beautiful Redwood trees, which will probably be around long after we're gone as your poem states so well. Good luck in the contest!
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I dont like rhyme but it was good otherwise. Thank you for joining.
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Oh yes. This is true. We are not as timeless as they are and thank heavens for that sometimes. I am seeing a lot of effort going on now to help save the earth and I know that this piece is doing its part too. Many times the words of a poet has saved men form huge mistakes (or led them there). This is a positive wonderful write though and I loved it.
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Lovely words and thoughts about nature...
Sweetly said and beautifully written! Good ideas here!
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Wow very well done! Excelent! Great luck in the conest!
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Beautiful. I love nature and I love how you used some rhyme. This was so great!!!
"Grow ye monsters
Grow and wait
Patience have… survive"
I love that stanza, but I'm not sure why. I guess because it says "Grow ye monsters". I don't know! But you're definently in the finals. Thanks and good luck!
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i like this and i really like the message. Also, your structure was great.
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Hi Q of T
...appreciate your comment on Redwood - you have to go to the groves and see their majesty and see the younger sick and dying trees to fully appreciate them and fully despise what our poisons are doing to these monstrous beautiful two thousand plus old irreplaceable treasures. I hope you will read more of my poems - I am very diverse. And most of all, best wishes to you while you're at Clemson, then wherever, forever. billpoet
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good i loved how put the words i dont know what to say thank you for the poem
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Driving up Hwy 101 to or from California is always such an amazing experience, just for those massive sentinels towering over the road. 'Tis truly a wonder that anything could grow to be that massive. Your poem as great meter to it, and the rhyme is pleasant and unforced. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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glorious
Thank you for alerting me to this beautiful poem!! I love "climb climb climb as you were taught." What a great line!! I love the poem as I love the redwoods. Warm Regards...vivela
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I stand and applaud you my friend!
Time will cure the damage wrought
Climb climb climb as you were taught
Time will give you back your home
Once more you will live alone
In your niches near the sea
As Nature’s King of plant and tree
You have a way with words unlike anything I have ever read.
Keep writing dear poet!
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Transcend All
BILL...GROOVY REALLY !! I read your profile and would love to see you add more of those writings! I know that putting yourself out there is a risk, but as an artist your work is your own creative voice. Don't go changing your work to fit. I looked at your picture under your name, as I read this, I have to say I felt your connection to nature. I feel your emotion with your words, they were simple yet strong. Thank you for sharing.
Namaste'
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Bravo!
Love this poem. I am an avid fan of the redwoods . lived in them on the Avenue of the Giants back a few years ago . They are my sanctuary and have been for years
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