Dawn arrives with crisp air
The fog slowly drifts off the lake
The wet morning dew dampens my feet
The sweet aroma of flowers, I'll take
The sun awakens, and the moon
Drifts too silent slumbers
Where sadness and gloom
Can't ever exists
In the water
Is the reflection of the summit
We could fall from it
We could plummet
In the middle of the grass
I take in the scenery
From where I sat
Upon my ass
Author notes
wise-child12
My insperation is hoe it reminds me of morning. If that's what you mean.
A contest entry
- The Profound Rounds Part III by Kevan.
365 points, ended March 30, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
A bunch of forced rhymes, and no particular scheme. Also, your rhythm is... off, and so it's hard to flow properly.
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Nice
I like your description of a beautiful morning. You've captured the sights and scents. (Might think about writing something about the sounds of morning, like the birds or something
) Very soothing and inspirational piece. Kudos to you!!! Best wishes in the competition!
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Originality/Creativity - 9/10 Very original. Great work.
Imagery/message - 8/10 Morning-type imagery. Good message also.
Style/Form - 8/10 Nice style and form. Effort was obviously placed in this piece.
Rule following - 5/5 Every rule was followed
Use Of Rhyme (If poem Rhymes) - 4/5 Rhyme scheme wasn't definite but good rhymes were used.
Other (Will specify) - 7/10 Wording was fairly good and I enjoyed the wording.
Total: 41/50 + 5 bonus = 46/50
Job well done. I enjoyed this piece and wish you the best in the contest. Good luck
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