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Whatever You Do, Don't Do It

You have lived your life in one black cloud,
Dragging and shuffling your feet
Along the charcoaled sidewalk
Making chalkboard screeches for my ears.

You have left me in a place
Where I can no longer control the gritting of my teeth.
You went searching and looking
For life's tallest bridge,
But for all the wrong reasons.

Never once did you look down
On the miracles of life.
You only pondered how long it would take,
Till you become one with the ground.

Life is catching up with you now,
But instead of correcting all your mistakes
You stand on life's cliff,
Pondering how long to the bottom.

I have held your hand, like a ghost.
Propped your chin, as if mine.
I still have not given up, So I say once more:
Whatever you do, don't do it!

 

 

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For the Titles Challenge Group

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • reinhardt-napoleon
    April 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hi.
    This is a really good write! Thank you for entering. i like how you chose the title as last line or the last line as title, whatever. It is the strongest, so it definitely fits! (As least I think so.)
    Good luck in my contest, I'm sorry that I won't applaud until the contest ended.
    Anyway,
    Keep on writing - I'm keeping on!
    Stop suicide.
    Joey


  • SweetRoses
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great write. I love this one very much. It was like slapping someone in the face with the stick of reality. Great work on this piece.


  • 245Trioxin
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've dealt with death on almost all sides. When the mind is made up, you are powerless to overcome it.

    The miracles of life do not escape our vision..."the black cloud" conceals its hidden beauty, and life becomes superficial.

    With a heavy laden heart..the chin drops like a rock, sometimes...even a hug can only buy you a day.


  • March 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is really good. i like the last part. very very great. keep that ink flowing!


  • EmeraldDreams
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you have used the title here with the repetiton of it at the end. I always find it sad when you see someone who just wants to see the worst in things, and not look for the good. The way you brought across the feeling of frustration that built up all the way through was very good. I could almost imagine the last line being shouted!

1 - 5 of 5