I was so desperately wanting to tell the world
The thoughts in my head and how they unfurled
Is this insanity the voice in my head
That keeps me each day from getting out of bed
I was lost in an ocean a sea of devotion
Till I released my cursed poetic emotion
I'll take from this life time an empty smile
Love and warms hugs, the pleasant the vile
Take from my heart for its glass and broken
and take from my lips a love unspoken
The shards of my heart are jagged and twist
I press them to my arm and pierce my wrist
Flowing freely now, the life force of fears
Releasing the pain of 19 long years
Take from my blood this message I'm telling
Find your soul in the market for its your life your selling
Lets carve a path in the deepest of snow
So that all the helpless will know where to go
Can you see how it happens when day turns to night
When the morning sun comes and makes the day bright
Your wings and your smile lift me beyond the stars
These tears are for peace, make us who we are
My tears will allow the new rose to grow
an awaken my heart with many years to go
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I liked talking to you in the CB and thought to add you and check out some of your work, and boy am I glad I did
I love the rhyme in this, it flows brilliantly. The message behind this is deep, yet easy to follow. Your word choice is perfected. Keep the pen flowing you are def a new favorite 
Always
Emily
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You seem to have a greater use of language and yet
there are some very well used expressions, e.g. "its glass and broken," and "love unspoken," and "releasing the pain." Certainly it's important to express these very universal things, but also the trick is to find a less used path to link your reader to your vision.
Title is very effective, brief and consistent with each stanza. The firs line summs up a theme that is developed well in the story of the poem. The last line carries a positive message, yet I wonder if there might be a more artful way to convey the same prophecy.
One feels that some time spent in revision can only improve what the author wishes to convey or bring out to the reader.
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I really appreciate and enjoy simple rhyming schemes - this poem rocks! =D I love the flow of events, from the excitment, to the expression, to the let down, to the pick up at the end. Really beautiful!! =D =D
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i just HAD to comment again!
this was awesome
ur work
keep it up
luv dani -
WOW! Tommo!!!! this was absolutely amazing!
poetry is such a great release for pain and heartache!
very well done big bro!
Luv ur little sis Coopy
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=]
This is pretty
But I get a feeling of much emotional pain and sadness. =[
But also one of relief, something has been pent in for a long and is only now being let out. Yet it releases pain, and it releases fear.
'or summit or nuffin'
=P
Lovely writing
Fav bit might actually be the first stanza, it's really powerful =]
x
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