I stood on a beach
The waves playfully lapping at my feet
Dread is what I felt
Alcohol was being served
In copious rounds
But ten feet from where I stood
Staring at the ground
And
The Line Drawn in the Sand
Jerry Thomas was serving up drinks
His prize concoction
Gloated about in town
I stood on a beach
Smiled a sad rainy day smile
Turned and walked away
A stick falling from hands
Landing next to
The Line Drawn in the Sand
A contest entry
- Standards by Sugoi Panda.
450 points, ended March 30, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Hoodwinked
Nice, very nice story. Congrats on your bronze trophy. I like the part about smiling a rainy day smile. That was my favorite line. -
Hood-Winked!
This is certainly well deserving of the bronze trophy... I really liked the way you described what was going on, but left it open so that the reader could interpret this as they wished... beautifully done - I really liked the idea of the line
Keep writing
Polly
-
I must admit that I'm slightly confused about what you mean in this poem. But that does not make it a bad poem at all. The way I interpreted it may not be the way you intended for it to be, so my apologies for that...
I like how the line is your center focus. Even though you were full of dread in the very begining, you "smiled a rainy day smile" which really seems to be fit for the ending of his poem.
Good poem and good luck -
thats a good standard.
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