I stood on the deck with the cap'n
When I first heard the fell voice
Ululatin' and swellin'
As it sang us an alien verse
The captain took hold of the railin'
With sparks o' alarm in his eyes
Yelling, "Crew, the lot o' ya see to the ship
Lest we lose 'er beneath the black tides!"
A shivery tingle crept up my spine
For the voice so strange and enthrallin'
Was joined by dozens o' others it seemed
All reachin' and burstin' and callin'
"Cap'n", I cried, "what is that strange sound
That's singin' and ringin' my name?
It's beggin’ me to join it down in the deeps
I feel like my heart is in flames!"
"Fool boy, close your ears!" the cap'n beseeched
"Ignore the Sirens' song!
They're tryin' to draw us into the cliffs
To join the rest o' the throng"
"O' sailors they've led to a watery grave
Down near Poseidon's gates
So, boy, close your ears and turn your back
Lest you want to be sharin’ their fates!"
I heeded the captain, but the rest o' the crew
Heard not a one o' his words
Entranced they followed the haunting strains
As listless and thick as a herd
O' cows bein' led to the slaughter
As sheep about to be sheared
No matter what the captain admonished
His warnins fell on deaf ears
The prow o' the ship hit the cliff base
Like a trebuchet’s shot hits a wall
I heard splinterin’ wood and screamin’ men
And always the Sirens’ fey call
Down to the water the ship threw me
As she tossed in ‘er anguished death throes
So many men went down to the deeps
A feast for the gulls and the crows
I was the only one that survived the night
Cast up on some foreign beach
With the sounds of their songs still in my ears
Though I was well past their reach
Though I’ll remember the sight forever
That I saw while I fought in the waves
One of the singers rose up to the top
To see who she had sent to his grave
The sight, I can barely describe it
O' that creature, that maiden of hell
O' her scaly skin or her glarin' eye
As she vanished beneath the sea swells
Now I can only tell you
That if you live by sailin' the seas
Always mind the captain’s words
And beware fell songs on the breeze
Author notes
To clarify this is NOT a retelling of the Homeric story. This has nothing to do with Homer or Odysseus beyond the appearance of Sirens. These are a more generic fantasy version of them. My own creation if you will.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sirens, Elves, Gods, and Legends (round three) by Luthien Luinwe.
500 points, ended April 16, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thank you
hough I’ll remember the sight forever
That I saw while I fought in the waves
One of the singers rose up to the top
To see who she had sent to his grave
The sight, I can barely describe it
O' that creature, that maiden of hell
O' her scaly skin or her glarin' eye
As she vanished beneath the sea swells
Now I can only tell you
That if you live by sailin' the seas
Always mind the captain’s words
And beware fell songs on the breeze
I love these lines the shivers came up my spine and some goose bumps arouse. I love it from start to finsh so very creative. I would not of thought to do something so very unique. I could not come up with any way to imrprove it I love it just the way you wrote it.
Thanks so much for reading my work during the recent spotlight. i appreciate your kind words thank you so very much
have a great day
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i love the use of language. Amazing job. I really enjoyed reading it. great job.
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i'm sorry to say i feel Homer painted the picture much more beautiful and without resorting to mundane vernacular.
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Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I happen to disagree namely because I wasn't going for Homeric Sirens or even Greek Sirens at that. (And I think most of the poets on earth can't tell a tale in as beautiful a fashion as Homer. That's like saying my writing isn't as good as Shakespeare. Duh.)
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What a wonderful story , such lovely imagery you have painted with your words, very entertainig.
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CAPTIVATING!
What a wonderful story/poem! I was captured with the first line and kept glued to the end.
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The first round is over and you were chosen to go to the second round. Please check out the rules for what to do next.
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Entertaining
A thoroughly entertaining tale with a fresh slant on Homeric legend. You will certainly know that Odysseus had his crew lash him securely to a mast and then stuff their ears with wax to drown out the sounds of the Sirens, thus he was able to listen to their Siren song without succumbing to the fate which befell others who heard their voices.
A brilliant alternative tale, great writing.
Cheers. S.M. -
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Yes, indeed. This was more a generic take on Sirens more as they appear in fantasy than mythology. I was going for roughly an 1800ish feel. Thanks for reading.
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Very impressive, I adore sirens.
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Ah, the fabled sirens of the Oddessy. Given an 18th-century pirate twist. Brilliantly executed.
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Interesting, very interesting. All should indeed heed the words of thier captain. The siren's call will bring only death. Wonderful imagery. You make it seem as if I was there. Great poem! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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