Many people worry about their weight
In case it stops them ever getting a date
But gaining a few odd pounds is nothing
Just the result of a few days' greedy scoffing
It's when you gain a couple of stones
And oozing fat smothers all your aching bones
When your butts squelch against each other
Then you know you are a big fat mother
But the cure for this is but a simple job
You wire a padlock o'er your greedy gob
Take daily laxatives and have no fear
All will be relieved by constant diarrhoea
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Author notes
For non-UK readers' benefit....
14 pounds = 1 stone = 6.35 Kg.
1 pound [lb] = 0.45 kg.
So 2 stones is a deliciously quivery and wobbly 13 Kg. of solid fat.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hey
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LOL.. Great Poem<3
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Two of the most elegant and splendidly turned out females in my life have been, to say the least, overweight. That did not stop them being elegant and having some sway. Interesting take on the prompt.
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I'm fat and proud, dearest Edna
A nice 350 lbs, but I've got some muscle mass somewhere...
Nice write and all the best
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Its the see food diet
Yes most people overweight was brought on by not having confidence in themselves and problems at home . But some just loves to eat and if it makes them happy then so be it . The weight doent make the person you have to see inside . For I have seen a lot of skinny people that I wouldnt give the time of day to but have never met a heavy person that wasnt kind -
Cool subject to write on.
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck. -
Good poem
I agree being overweight is not good!I am overweight and I take medicine that makes me gain weight!I still liked your poem,Good rhyme and rhythm.Keep on writing!Lisa K haslett Raytown Missouri! -
I can't believe it! You getting kicked out of contests again? You should win a trophy for your persistence
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lol had me laughing this one did....well done great poem xx
laura xxxxx -
LOL
You are certainly on a role of great pieces today. I am not english but my second family is. This is amazing. Brilliant use of vocabulary and making a boring cry me a river subject into something worth reading. Again I can see the illustrations...lol. Thank you again for the smile. Keep on the good humor. Bravo!
Always pen from the heart and you shall never write wrong.
~SongByrd
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One thing is for certain, it's always a 'treat' reading one of your poems... sometimes a nice treat, and other times akin to the 'treat' a cat will leave in a shoe after you annoy them. This one fits in the first category. It's witty, nicely done, and true. People are too concerned with being politically correct at times that they forget reality.
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My cat has occasionally left a part-digested mouse in my shoe. I have always regarded it as a token of his solipsism.
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bravo
I haven't ever read anything quite like this. At times the frank presentation made me giggle, I could picture this being read at a slam with a straight face, that would be a very entertaining, rich performance. Although the subject matter is sensitive, this is about as an authentic work as I have ever read. I am no expert of poetry, I just happen to love it...and I totally love this.
one love
Justine
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Love the rhyme scheme, especially the last verse!
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I thought that was adventurous too.....
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Nice, Edna... quite an interesting piece, the title drew me in straight away...
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I love Edna and here is why...
Edna speaks her mind no matter if you agree with it or not. It's high time people stopped being politcally correct and started being honest. As far as being feminine goes being feminine is not delegated to females. I wear the least feminine attire because jeans and tee~shirts are more comfortable than a dress or skirt and blouse. Does it make me less of a woman because I dress like a guy? NO! Does it make me less feminine? Most likely. Banning Edna from the contest because of gender is not fair if Edna relates more to the feminine gender.
I love her mind and even though we don't always agree Edna has a place in my heart always.
I LOVE YOU EDNA!
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Elegant use of rhyme.
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I never realised you were Irish. Nothing rhymes with scuffing. It takes the Irish "nothin`" to rhyme with scoffin` So accepting your Irish ancestory, well done.
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Cockneys or Geordies might do it too....
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Lol, I just loved this write... I dont believe that a woman should be a small petite thing. They just should be natural. To me you send a message talking of all the fakers out there that would like to believe they are Barbie dolls. Well done on another great one.
Cheers
Jen
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I am happy SOMEONE liked the poem. Someone else deleted it from a contest because she thought I was insufficiently feminine.
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Shocking!
I find it almost incredible that anyone could doubt your femininity, Edna. I can only compare you to a woman I once saw walk out of her door wearing a blanket wrapped round her waist and take a piss standing up in the garden. The steam boiling up off the frosty grass sticks in my mind to this day. Now she was feminine.
Good poem, too. -
Yes but being feminine does not mean all the prettiness that lots believe it to be. Some dont actually want to be a tiny size and are happy in themselves. I think it was wrong to reject it on that basis. Any way i liked it and to me thats all that matters...
Cheers
Jen -
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Quite right Jen! I know lots of guys who LOVE fat slappers! The fatties often shout a lot more in the sack and are always more grateful. I often get a good tip in the morning.
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Yep, me to... I cant help but be loud. AND i love that there is more of me for them to grab onto. Never thought about the tip in the morning though. (I must try that one)
I just hope that the tips you get in the morning are to be 'LOUDER rather than quieter next time luv'
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Your humor is a little tough to swallow on occasion, but at least it is calorie free.
Okay, I admit it...this DID make me smile.
Good luck to you, Edna. You are one of a kind. 
Best wishes,
~J.
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I thought it was gentle and caring humour.......maybe with a little twist.
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Sorry, I did say this contest was to be about chores. So you added one line! Sense of humor is great ~but this poem is also strictly for WOMAN ONLY ! and EDna Sorry!
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You have no sense of humour whatsoever. How sad for you. And a poor sense of mathematics too. I added two lines, not one:
"So go and do all your household chores
And be like all the other boring whores"
These lines were created just to please you. I shall now delete the two new lines as they spoiled my beautiful poem anyway. I am hurt and offended. You have let me down.
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Hmmm just a point
Are you aware that this poem could be seen as pro bulimia????
For many years I was a laxative abusing bulimic and well (yes yes it was horribly disgusting but i didn't care)
Your piece actually made me think for a second maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do that again.
Although point of fact laxatives do not actually make you lose fat - just water!
By the time the laxatives kick in your body has already absorbed anything useful from the food!!!
(or so says my nutritionist)
just a lil fyi
and a wave *waves* -
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You can't be serious! The poem is satire! Maybe it's anti-greed too! It's also mocking people who can only lose weight by having their jaws sewn together with wire. Talk about lack of will-power!
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Sorry, but the rues clearly stated something about HUMOR and about HOSUEHOLD CHORES!!!
This poem does not warrent being in the contest. Sorry ~ -
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Well it qualifies for humour. I'll add in a couple of lines about household chores to keep you happy. Not certain about "hosuehold" ones though - they are probably quite irksome.
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Ok...I see that you did! Thanks and good luck!
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Thanks for the tips Edna - not a good idea to have diarrhoea in my job though - bad enough mopping up after the residents. (you have incorrect spelling of diarrhoea, by the way) Love this poem though, especially the squelching butts line.
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Thank you for the typo spotting! Corrected! I believe the US spelling is different, but sod that.
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