I, was sitting in my room
With a needle in my hand
Trying to force a wound
But was protected by the sand
Sitting on a swing
A ball came near to me
The kids all seemed to sing
But my image made them scream
I'm looking at the moon
Sitting on the edge
Darkness seemed to loom
As I cried inside my head
I was attacked from behind
But the sand protected me
Death ran through my mind
As the sand performed the deed
Through the air, I stretched my hand
The sand reacted to this
The killer was trapped by the sand
And then I closed my fist
And to the kiler I went near
To see what I could see
That's when I found out it was him
The one I had thought had always loved me
That was the end of my world
And I had started to cry
The sand started to swirl
Because love was all just a lie
Everything that was said
I felt the truth was way too far
The sand tore at my head
And in the end left a scar
I have grown old enough
To know that I'll never miss
There is only one kind of love
And that's to kill to feel I exist.
A contest entry
- Comic character contest by lemon meringue pie.
318 points, ended April 16, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Anything You Want Contest (Prewrites Allowed) by KittieLyyn.
350 points, ended April 1, 2007, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Wind of Darkness.
370 points, ended September 30, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very sad,but very good
i love gaara
good luck in the contest -
Yup, that's Gaara alright. I'm not a huge fan of naruto, but I love Gaara. He's such a complex character. Reading this brought back the memories of those episodes when I felt like I just wanted to give him a great big hug, maybe stop him from becoming a killer. Oh well.
Back to your poem: It was very descriptive, and the flow was amazing. The rhyme wasn't forced and every point got across. Great job with this!
Sincerely yours,
ModernXTimes -
wow,gaara is like my favorite charater in all naruto he is sooooo cute and you discribed him pefectly.he had a sad childhood,and you did not force the ryhme thats what made it sound good beacauce it had a very nice flow to it!Gaara is a sad story but............he is still cute
lol.nice one write more about gaara!
-maddie and gaara! lol
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uber
awesome. you really gtot inside his head there. you sure you dont work in the fbi or something?
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i enjoyed this poem and i thought iwas well structured, the imagery flows well too.
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Nice, you got Gaara down for sure, great rhyme used and nice flow, really got into the character's mind, great job. - Jacen an IndividualEleven.
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