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The Human Beast

Drifting of into a restless sleep
Nightmares, hearing screams
Trying to fight the human beast
Blood stained tears fall down
No one hears the cries
Each day a new horror takes place
Scars reflecting the pain
Roses die early, winter creeps in
Spring is no where to be found
The human beast creeps closer
As the nightmare begins again
Suddenly! There is a rude awakening

The sun is brillant in the Heavens

A new day begins

Then again maybe it hasn't

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • arnica karuna
    June 15, 2007

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    Hmm.. a very intensely written piece. But I would like to point out that the intensity is subtle. If read once, just read I mean, the poem would seem to be a plain simple dark write.. only on reflection.. does the real depth of horror sink in. Cleverly crafted, I should say!
    Images and the color of the poem really hit the spot. The best part, if you ask me is that you have left a few things for the reader to imagine, which is good, because it compels the reader to read actively and not just passively skim through the work.

    My favorite part:
    "Each day a new horror takes place
    Scars reflecting the pain
    Roses die early, winter creeps in
    Spring is no where to be found"

    Unlike most poets, you have used the elements of Nature to depict.. or further strengthen the feel of the wild and the frightening.
    Just one weak line that is somewhat a little out of the rhythm.
    "There is a rude awakening ".. see if you can try to change it.. but even if you cannot, it's ok, because the overall aura created by your work is pretty strong on its own.
    There is just one typographical error that I spotted:
    "Drifting of into a restless sleep"
    It should be "Drifting off into a restless sleep"

    Thanks for entering the Raven Qualifier and Good Luck!

  • Heavenly Angel
    June 12, 2007

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    Wow....how very dark and intense; hope all is well with you, sweetie
    This is just soooo intense
    Wish you the best in the contest

  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    April 4, 2007
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    Thank you for entering

    This is brilliant. I love the way that you relate the death of life and the coldness that sets in, with the roses and winter. The personification is just excellent. This is a sad piece, but it is one that really touched me... Short and to the point. Brilliant

    Faerie

  • thewayyoumakemefeel
    March 23, 2007

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    very dark...

    yes,this is very dark but it shows what your thinking...it shows your feelings...i really did enjoy reading this...mostly because i love freeform...

  • MysticAngelEyes
    March 22, 2007

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    Wow that was a very dark poem that makes you really think. Very nicely done. You brought it toegther so well.

  • Heavens Child
    March 21, 2007
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    This is very dark, comparitively to your usual work. It is well written, though I don't believe it some of your best work, vocabulary seems too ordinary. I think with a little more work, pondering and a pinch of your talent this could be a great piece.

  • Lonewolf2008 gold member
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Fine write

    Me thinks, perhaps a club bside the bed might be used to tame this beast and keep it under control. A man controled by a beast, is weaker and not much good to makwe it through the day. I wish you strength, dfaith and victory is overcoming this beast.


  • freespirit51 gold member
    March 20, 2007

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    EXCELLENT PIECE. This is a very beatiful and thought provoking write. You have left the reader with much to think abaout. I think this may be one of your best yet. Geat work my friend.


  • Bedroom Eyes
    March 20, 2007

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    Maybe it hasn't? Hmmmmmmmmm...this leaves room for a question...one I will not ask in this comment section though. Hope all is well with you, and best of luck in the contest!

  • slipperssun gold member
    March 20, 2007

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    wow a very intensive write that you have penned of your past. i hope the sun can burst in for you soon.. good luck in your contest
    cheers
    Jen


  • suseann
    March 20, 2007

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    Nightmarish doubts I know about myself! And perfer the "no it wasn't real" idea most of the time."Drifting of into a restless sleep
    Nightmares, hearing screams
    Trying to fight the human beast ". My favorite lines.And the last line summed it up well.~Suseann


  • leander gold member
    March 20, 2007

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    I was actually holding my heart that this had to do with something of the recent (wonderful) events you've gone through... then I saw the contest title...
    you've expressed yourself very well here sweety

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    March 20, 2007

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    ooo mystery is created in this poem and it leaves you wanting to find out more. more i tell you lol. its really descriptive and really creates an image well dne and hope u win un


  • poetryality silver member
    March 20, 2007

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    This is a descriptive work. There are a few cliché lines but the darkness makes it enchanting. I would suggest; "Suddenly! There is a rude awakening; the sun is brilliant in the Heavens... For this poem to intrigue the reader even more, I think you may need to use words that are not so commonly written in poetry. This has the potential to be a poignantly dark writ, given some editing. I wish you well in the challenge.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    March 20, 2007

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    'blood stained tears' my suggestion on instinct is to try a different image there. That one gets very overused, and while I understand it's meaning, you could give this a fresher meaning without it..

    'It suddenly has a rude awaken(ing)'

    I felt this strongly. Good to know you can keep your head up, though.




  • Davitude
    March 20, 2007

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    This is a great poem, I like the kind of uncertainty and I especially like the last line. Amazing write


  • Child of an Angel
    March 20, 2007

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    This is a good branch out from you usual poetry I read here mam'. Great job! I wish you the best of luck. I cant believe a dark write came out of YOU lol amazing. Keep it flowing you know I will read Your the best!

    Always
    Emily


  • LadyOfFate
    March 20, 2007
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    very intersting, dark and sad. Hope a light shines for you to bring you out of the darkness

  • LionessK Greeters member
    March 20, 2007
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1 - 20 of 20