In a still watered blue pond,
a fish filled with starvation,
needing to taste greater joys
than what nature has given,
decides to join the biters.
Resting his jaws on the worm,
he tastes squirming ecstacy,
clenching to the sensation.
Other biters looked concerned,
for he rose so much quicker
than any cold of blood could.
Wanting love of girl biters,
pushing away his old friends,
and squeezing his jaw harder
upon the shiny grey hook,
he reached the top of his world.
Every biter looked up,
wishing to be just like him.
The girls all wanted to save,
yet it was too late for him.
He was flung out of the pond
into a fisherman's boat,
where he suffocates to death,
crying to breathe one last breath.
A contest entry
- Anything you desire (1050 points in total) by Blood-Wolf.
1050 points, ended April 19, 2007, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I like a nice plate of fish and chips. My favourite fish is probably Dover Sole but it's quite expensive, so I sometimes go for cod instead. I dislike mackerel intensely as it reminds me of my estranged wife.
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For a poem about a fish this is a incredible piece of work, i think it shows skill to write a poem about a creature like this as it shows soul, very well done
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Fish - Wonderful first of all, first class creativity. Fish are great things, have a 3 second memory "i hate fish flakes" ---- "ooh fishflakes, yumm". Something like that ^^. Anyway enough randomness. Back to the poem - it's charming! So true, fish just get taken out and left to roast in the boiling heat, its pretty sad really,
but i love the way you described how it happed, i liked it alot!
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this one is definately outside the box
actually it kinda grows on ya
it was whimsical throughout until the bitter truth bit
excellent
peace Muddy
. Rewarded 4
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SPECTACULAR
Wow and double WOW!! I love every single line
in this SPECTACULAR piece of writting!! When my
dad use to take me fishing I would let them go
because I just knew they couldn't breath out
of water. He use to get so mad at me. Thank You
for a SPECTACULAR write.
. Rewarded 4
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Wow.
Lol. Fish. Interesting intake and view. But hey no one really knows right. Greart write.
Very unique I love it.
A MURDEROUS LAMENT <\33 -
"Wanting love of girl biters,
pushing away his old friends,
and squeezing his jaw harder
upon the shiny grey hook,
he reached the top of his world."
I always wondered how it would be to hang on a hook
I mean, like a fish. What do they think?
You gave me an answer 
lol
Nice poem
. Rewarded 4
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Aww sad....
This is why I would never actually fish and kill the fish.. it is cruel, though I am not a vegetarian... I would never be the person to kill the animal. You wrote this beautifully! I liked how you threw in the aspect of this fish trying to show himself to the girls and impress them.. and then how you describe him being pulled beyond his friends' aid. Great write!!!!
. Rewarded 4
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What an incredibly intersesting read this was!!! I don't think I have ever come across a poem writtenb from this perspective before . . . WELL DONE!!!!!!!
. Rewarded 4
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very nice. good luck in the contest. I hope you do well. I liked this poem quite a bit. I thought you put a great spin on an old idea. very clever. thanks for sharing. keep up the great work. kp
. Rewarded 4
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very, very realistic!
i pictured the actual fish while at the same time saw the metaphor. be careful what you ask for
nicely done
. Rewarded 4
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great ideas
I like the image, it is an Icarus sort of poem. An old theme about getting too greedy while being so naive. Bringing it up to times is always a fair sport among all arts. If I would suggest anything, give more imagery. Replace the word starvation with an image of the fish being starved. Don't be afraid your reader won't get it, they are smarter than we all could imagine. Thank you for that idea. Keep writing.
Aaron
. Rewarded 4
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This is a great rebuttal work for anyone (like me, for example) who believes there is nothing new to write on the subject of love. I congratulate the wonderful metaphor you have executed here, with mastery.
Best wishes in your future endevors.
~Das -
Huh. Lovely metaphor, very very well done. The imagery is haunting...
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Oh the things one does for greener grass! (or cleaner water?) Very clever
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