If my memory were a snow globe
I would keep it by my bed
To be shaken when I needed you
To reach inside my head
I can see the Eiffel tower
Painted plastic by the Seine
Rainbow rising on the skyline
And I'm back with you again
If my memory were a snow globe
I would jump inside and stay
For it would always be that winter
When we had but one more day
A contest entry
- Good Memories by LIve For Today.
600 points, ended March 24, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Personal Best #3 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 21, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Anniversary by Lady-Pegasus.
6000 points, ended March 29, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EXCITE ME by tarcus.
400 points, ended June 1, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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This poem is great. I love the metaphor of the first paragraph!
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http://allpoetry.com/poem/3844355
I hate Paris, blackpool tower is better.
Paris is full of french people. -
Very unique - using a snowglobe for a poem - originality - congrats on the gold!
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Awe! I loveeeee this! Your rhyming was impeccable and completely original! I completely love it! It's such a cute write while at the same time leaving you longing for more and kind of sad becaue you had to leave him and now only have memories of your time spent together, It keeps me thirsting for more stanzas but really its the perfect length as it is and i really think it embodies all YOUR feelings and makes the reader feel the same way
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This definitely deserved the gold. I love your description of the globe itself, and how you've tethered it to reality. Flawless rhyme, too, and very natural flow. The last line is hauntingly sad. Great work!
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What a lovely rhyming quatrain! Filled with metaphor and original imagery. This goes right to the finalist list.
Love,
Amera♥
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You have an incredible way with metaphor...I can already see this talent, having only read a couple pieces. You carry your theme throughout this piece in an unforced, smooth rythm that I enjoy. It's a pleasure to read. I often tend to get too complex and verbose when I attempt rhyme...
but you use simple, appropriate, beautiful language that gets your point across without sounding pretentious.
You wrote effortlessly to the image...did you choose it yourself? I really felt as though you wrote from actual experience.
The last stanza is so perfect...in emotional content and in meter and rhyme. This is just lovely!
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Excellent, beautiful, perfect.
Such a good metaphor, definitely deserving of a gold trophy!
I wish my memory were a snow globe too
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This is such an exquisite write - with words and images dancing beautifully into the limelight of your emotions. This is as good as I've read in a while - and I sense I'll be finding more gems on your page.
Kezz
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Very good rhyming, nothing forced, everything brilliant and touching, great write!
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Gifted you are! Congratulations on your award. A well deserved work of art.
Noah
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This is great, love this, its very sweet. -eleno
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It's easy to see why this one won gold. It's first class!
Joe
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excellent
I think you might like the song "time in a bottle" by Jim Croce.
Your poem leaves me with a similar feeling.
Cheers, Jim
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stirred with conviction...
Great piece of poetry - I love the strong and concise. This reminds me a bit of one of my favorite Billy Collins pieces, "Today"
http://www.plagiarist.com/poetry/434/
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reminds me of "the glass menagerie" where one persons world is inside this glass ball. There is a sense of loss within your poem yet so wonderfully hidden. I think there cannot be a better depection of wonderful memories in lines so less. But if you can remember those moments in this small glass globe we can certainly figure out your emotion is these short lines. Well done..
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this is assuredly Gold, deserves even more. great writing! I have to say I am becoming a fan. Alot of creative thought you have in pen. keep it up, and if you are not already publishing... get to it!
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Nice work
This so reminds me of those I have loved and lost and oddly of school where I first read poetry.
Thanks, good work.
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Your usagae of metaphors are brillant. If my memory were a snowglobe, what a lovely thought. Your writing is beautiful and your poetry always has such meaning. Your trophy is well deserved my friend. Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain
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absolutely brilliant
words fit for an abba hit. simply beautiful. the use of 'if i were a snowglobe' twice is using the poetry technique of repetition very well for it sustains the point of the poem - i'm over the moon that you won gold, well done, your friend tony yates -
Bravo
Oh, I love this poem! It is so short but SOOOO perfectly done! Perfect rhyme and meter, brilliantly concieved and marvelously executed! Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!! -
NICE THOUGHTS!
Take care;
Pretty.
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This poem has an understated poignance and tender quality that is so lovely. I just love your unaffected style and honest voice. Congratulations on winning the gold trophy- you surely deserved it.
All the best,
David Michaels
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I bet you would melt the snowflakes but cool write.
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Wonderful, my dear. Subtle statements of sadness that aren't overly dramatic. It gives off a glow of beauty crossed with the glimmer of a tear forming for a both the wonderful and the terrible memories of someone lost
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Thank you for reading and commenting on m poem, I am glad you liked it! Stephanie x
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That was a beautiful memory, sweet and true. I welcome you to join my contest that I have on the first blush of love because that is how this one has made me feel. Thank you for sharing something so wonderful!
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Thank you so much for your kind words - I shall check out your contest and perhaps try to come up with something new. I am really glad you enjoyed my poem! Stephanie x
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This is really a very beautiful poem.Although the jist of the poem is loss of a love..it is not the exttreme grief sort of poem which can often make one weary.It has a light hint of sadness which is just right.
If my memory were a snow globe
I would jump inside and stay
These are great lines you've put down here...creates a nice and comfortable image in the mind....like a fairyland.
really great poem!!cheers!
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this was very nice...are you french? I can see that might be a possibility from reading this poem and from looking at your picture...just wondering...my wife is... thanks for sharing another great poem!
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Oh I love it. Simple and sweet.
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I like this as much as any of yours that i'v read Stephanie, its got such a nice neat flow behind it and really speaks of your sadness in a very frank and relaxed way. well done and keep writing.
One Angry Monkey
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Thanks for reading Shaken - I am glad yo
u enjoyed it. Thanks again x
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Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love.
for me, this was my youth. my son's world now. i had many of these in the early years. my son. he still has one. i love the way you have brought such a keep n' hold onto from your heart. Steph, this is magic!!!!!!!
definitely publishable.
God Bless,
-bri.
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What a peaceful and picturesque image!!
I have never seen a rainbow after a snowfall. Wouldn't that be such a scintillating picture? What can I say? "I can see the Eiffel Tower painted plastic by the Seine, Rainbow rising on the skyline, And I'm back with you again" Beautiful doesn't cut it. Masterfully done doesn't cut it. I'll just say it is the best work I've read. No disrespect to anyone! You are that good! Shameless promotion aside, this poem is a must read online! The stanzas, the description and the setup are letter-perfect! Bravo, Baby Bun!!! Bravo!!
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Bravo
So very lovely and so bittersweet! Perfectly conceived and perfectly executed. I loved it, loved it! bravo...bravo...Bravo!!!
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If only love were something we could hold on to forever, maybe even keep in a snow globe, then we could reminisce the past times with sweetness... and beauty.
Great write...
Jeffro -
If it could be thay way , it would be good , we could hold so many good memories , good luck
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