Skipping over weak knee clichés,
Losing all within her eyes,
I’m so in love with a gothic angel,
Full of life and free of lies.
Disregarding skipping heart beats,
My heart strengthens with her smile
I’m so in love with a gothic angel,
Her touches place my heart on trial.
Ignore the terms much overused
In love poems today,
I’m so in love with a gothic angel
I’ll write it down that way.
Curse the old time, straight-line values,
They can’t change the way I feel,
‘Cause I’m in love with a gothic angel,
My broken heart, she helped to heal.
Author notes
This is for my girl Maleah, I love you so much baby girl.
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MY FIRST CONTEST: I WANT LOVE RIGHT NOW. PREWRITES ALLOWED...COME IN AND CHECK OUT by the-gifted.
600 points, ended September 26, 2007, 108 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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awww very sweet and well written. good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.
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I was very impressed by the instant impact this piece had on me as I found it so refreshing to read, and for a personal write to touch me in that way, it has to have elements that others can relate to. The message I received from this poem is that while society likes to stereotype and box people, there is goodness and love to be found in every one and the author found it in a gothic angel. To put it in a clichéd phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and love will be found where it wants to be found.
The oxymoron in the title may or may not have been intended but I think it adds vastly to the poem even before its read. Throughout the poem the author builds an intense feeling of just how much their life is affected by having the gothic angel in it. Expression in this piece is done with clear and effective use of language which is enhanced by the use of good rhyme. I think the connection between lines 1, 9, 13 and 14 produce cohesion through out, and this area was one of my favourites in the poem. To me it appeared to be saying that the ‘young and different’ people of today, with their own values and opinions, can feel love in just same way as the older and more bigoted generation. Again, the repetition of the line “I’m so in love with a gothic angel” adds to reinforcement to both the feeling and cohesion. I personally found the flow of this poem to be fairly smooth, though one line I think may benefit from the addition of the word “of” is line 10. “In love poems of today” just felt better to me but it’s up to the author whether they include it or not. I’ve enjoyed reading this poem tonight.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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The "gothic angel" is what drew me in, it's such an interesting image filled with contrast.
Reading this, I'd say that person was an angel to you, if they helped you heal.
This had a nice flow to it, I find rhyming difficult myself, and I tend to read a lot of it that feels forced, but this was well done.
Your girl must've been elated when she read this.. not to mention flattered. -sigh- A gothic angel. This was beautiful.
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Wow, I like this a lot. It gets the point across, like you said, without the cliche. It's sweet and dark at the same time. Congrats.
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