Her wrists are cut
sore and bare,
she's looking death in the face
yet she isn't scared.
This is what she's wanted
all along,
there's noone stopping her now
she's all alone.
Laying in pain
she's on the bed,
she tried moving past it
but she coulnd't get ahead.
"Take me now" she whispers
under her breath,
she's arguing with god now
she wants him to show her death.
If she awakes from this night
she'll do it again
she'll continue her pain
until her life comes to an end.
Nothing is helping
and nother ever will,
so she's turning to the old habits
of the razors and the pills.
That last hit from him
put her over the edge,
she's not taking it anymore
so to her life she's putting an end.
So this is her last goodbye
and her farewell,
she's drifting off now,
she's finally meeting the gates of hell.
Author notes
for a contest..
- A day stained in blood The life of a c group list • next in list
- A day stained in blood The life of a c group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Sadness, Pain, Hurt by -Tears Of Pain-.
800 points, ended April 6, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In your darkest hour by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended November 11, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I love this, because I can relate to it.... I guess.
It is good, I really like this write.
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this is great- so much emotion. you might liker to check out sdome of mine??
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great write, but I agree that maybe you could worke on the flow... Overall it's wonderful emotionally.
I love it!
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Wow this is very good!!!! Very good write. Um flow maybe could be tweaked..but oveall great!
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For a contest or not it was incredible... Surviving suicide is the hardest thing to go through. Reviving someone who tried to die is so cruel. I believe in letting them go in their own way..
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wow i love this poem, it's so beautiful, and the words go perfectly great job!!!
I did and felt like that sudday and saturday, and then yesterday, and maybe even monday...yeah
the blood one the bed, the pain everything in your poem seemed to be what i was doing, i was like woah, and your poem was so awsome, i was like wow you really know how to write! lol
great job, just hope it's not you lying on the bed...
stephanie
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wow this was an awesome poem i looved this darling♥
my favorite part would have to be:
Her wrists are cut
sore and bare,
she's looking death in the face
yet she isn't scared.
This is what she's wanted
all along,
there's noone stopping her now
she's all alone.
Laying in pain
she's on the bed,
this was an excellent descriptive poem and i loved this
keep writing
~Ashley~<3 -
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Thank you so so much!
[take.care]
x.
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if you change the line
"she wants him to show her death"
to "she wan't to know death",
and the line
"she's finally meeting the gates of hell"
to "she's meeting with hell"
the poem will flow better
otherwise, i love this poem and i think it is amazing
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This is an amazing write.I truely feel the pain that she feels."she tried moving past it
but she coulnd't get ahead." I understand how this is to try so hard and not get anywhere.
Goodluck xxx -
It was .....deep and.....powerful......full of hurt.Great write.I can really relate
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wow this was a really powerful write..your words were strong and touching and full of pain and heartach..i can relate to this poem and the words you used keep writting
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this poem was very powerful, and painful, and emotional...that fact that she wanted death made it that way....BEAUTIFULLL
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Your poetry is amazing. I really like this poem. Such a beautiful suicide. I love how you said "she's arguing with God now". To me it displayed just how much this person wants to die.
Keep writing, you're amazing.
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thank you so so much!
it means alot.
<3xx.
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Painful and so emotional. I liked this! The words fit together and flowed so well. I could so how see what this person was seeing. Weird I know. But great job!
Good Luck in teh Contest!
~Sara~ -
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Thank you very much.
I'm glad you liked it.
<3xx Julie.
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