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Crash.




your words had the delicate
                ring of a multicar pileup.






imagine me:
wasted on nighttime air,
listening for
crickets and footsteps in
wet grass.                     

           
                                                  tar beneath my feet
                                                  turned to light as you took me away
                                                  from innocence.



crash into feeling,
        die upon impact.









how can you be so close to the point
                  and yet so far
                  away from the truth?







Author notes

so it still sucks, but what can I say? I was younger, more naive, and crushed.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Z-Brutha
    March 1, 2008

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    I really like that I can gather a story from this. An angry breakup poem, it hits home with me, haha. Only problem is that it comes across dissonant at times, not overwhelmingly so but just enough to make me frown a times.

    Nice work.


  • mooseman25
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the

    "How can a person be so close to the point
    and yet so far
    away from the truth?"

    part bunches
    very nisch poem jess


  • LivingxXxProof
    March 20, 2007

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    Nice job jess, I was afraid some emotion from "that" had climbed up your throat and said hello to the world. x.x Nice to know it's old..Although I do like it alot. Tis probably one of my fav.s ^^


  • tragicallyGifted
    March 19, 2007

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    Amen. I usually do what you just did; combine random unfinished lines of poetry that are way old. It's a good feeling after it's all read and done.


    I liked this poem. *knows I've neglected commenting on quite a few of yours, as well as others, poems and is going to make up for that* I was listening to feminist music as I read it so it seemed to fit, in ym head at least.


    "How can a person be so close to the point
    and yet so far
    away from the truth?" <<<<<< Very intriguing lines. Inspires me.

    On a note of critique, I believe you spelled the word 'grammar' wrong. Unless it was done on purpose which would make it clever [I'll say it was on purpose because I only pay attention to clever writers]. Another part that seems like it could use a little work is the second to last stanza. The whole 'bleeding profusely' thing. It's good; just could use a little word-play and rearranging. But, then again, what do I know?

    By the way *points at the previous comment on this poem* don't you love it when people say they 'loved it' and yet all you get is that and no applause? Quite odd. And this was a really long comment. o.o


  • Heavens Child
    March 19, 2007

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    This is fantastic! Your emotions are dripping from the page and the imagery is very well done. Great job on this one.
1 - 5 of 5