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exodus

one Bible
and a bar of soap to cleanse;
last time i checked, the light was half lit in the hall
and i was being told that metaphors
were all i knew.

you said i thought too much,
cared too much and that a can of rootbeer
shouldn't get me through the night.

 
i should photograph the storm,
watch its wings as highways sink and fail
to drive me home again.

 

.

.

  

i took the pill,
slamming feet against the break.
it was the eighth of june, and i've never seen the land
again.

i'd hit wisconsin on a whim,
and left when the life guard was too drunk to save
and i had stayed away from water

for too long.

i'd eaten, not waited thirty minutes.
by the time i hit the sheets that night,
sirens were going off again.


i left for illinois;

polaroids in hand and flame,

lighters helping change

the past. 

Author notes

l'hotel posse-- 2

Spiritual, yes-- but not in a negative way. The negative tone to this refers to "you," and "you" are people that have given truly poor advice in the past, and messed me up in my faith and life in the past.

Every image in this piece is vital, whether or not the viewer will agree. They all stem from a vacation of mine, so all you see here is true; only tweeked in minor details.

Not that that would matter.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • Oya Ayaba Nikua
    March 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    you have a very unique style and I like it


  • g r e y i s m
    March 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one very much, especially this part:

    i should photograph the storm,
    watch its wings as highways sink and fail
    to drive me home again.



    this is one of my favorites by you.

    excellent!

    lea


  • Ryno gold member
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    "lighters helping change the past"

    The thing about your poems is that the poem as a whole is excellent, there are never any weak spots. As you read the poem you keep thinking 'if it is this good.. what well the ending be like?' yet, you never fail to disappoint, you always have superb endings.


    ~Ryan~


  • MuddyKing
    March 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    hey I liked the notes, but I love the poem
    congrats j


  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thi is excellent, Mary is right though you don't need your author comments - this stands strongly alone. Brilliantly done.


  • deadcolor dreams
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this poem. This is... just wow. All those images were so out there- yet they worked! I envy you, damnit. Your always going to be way ahead of me in poetry, I'm sure, so much as I'd like that to be untrue.


  • Cat gold member
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes i think the author explanation lessens the piece a bit- this is one of those times.. i found this to be a strong write and let my imagination fill with your images - but your author notes seem to detract from the mystery of the piece you created.. anyhow my long winded way of saying i like this piece as it stands- and as it stands- it stands best alone

  • Kay Laon Anders
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Third Stanza is my favorite....feels like a dream when reading it...not too far from some of my dreams I have been having lately....great great write...beautiful

    KAY


  • duke of balabamas
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    yeah... so im definately not entering the photo wings contest. id have no shot. im just flabbergasted. this is such a great write, your stuff keeps getting better and better.

    • marrow
      March 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you.
      this was a vacation that i ruined 5 years ago. i decided to pair it with people that ruined my other little vacation of life for a bit, as apparently "caring" and "thinking" were not things that i was supposed to do.

      i'm not sure if i want to keep this in my series though. should i demote it? what do you think?


      • duke of balabamas
        March 19, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        its a really good piece, but i dont quite understand what kind of vibe you are going for with the series. i dont see too much correlation between this and the first.

        • marrow
          March 19, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          yeah, that's what's getting me.
          it still goes with the hotel thing, but doesn't with the rest. i think i may remove it.

1 - 16 of 16