Walking through the forest with sun gleaming through the trees onto the forest floor
The native birds are singing their beautiful love song
The chipmunks and squirrel's are skittering up a tree
Going along there is break in the trees
A field of daisies and violets are blooming brightly
The smell is sweet as honey
There is a deer eating the grass as her young one is playing
Butterflies are floating seemingly coming from no where
Going past that is a stream flowing with crystal clear water
Moving over the rocks to wear them smooth
Catfish are swimming lazily by
A bear stops for a drink as a skunk peeks out shyly from behind a brightly colored bush
Night falls the animals sleep
Grasshoppers are singing
A mouse squeals as an owl catches it
The bats flutter by to catch their prey of various bugs
Say "goodnight" for it is time to sleep
Dream of my forest and rest easy for it will keep you safe
A contest entry
- Enter poems you genuinely want to improve by Danna Hobart.
415 points, ended April 27, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Quixotically Yours.
300 points, ended May 31, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
To start, I loved your imagery. It was beautifully executed and painted a stunning picture in my mind as I read, and I commend you for that.
This isn't poetry so much as it is prose. It has poetic qualities and subtle nuances that tell me you have the potential to create even more beautiful poetry in time. My suggestion is to start my meshing some sentences together; not every line needs to end in a period. You can weave together beautiful, continuous thoughts and call it free verse if you aren't ready to try out rhyme.
In your first line, "shining" is misspelled.
Overall, I felt this was a beautiful write, saturated with breathtaking imagery and thought. Thanks for entering, and good luck! -
You forgot to leave me a note in your author comments telling me what it is you are unhappy with in the poem, or what it is you want me to focus on in my critique.
-
-
sorry about that i am new to this.So I don't know exactly what needs to be looked at so could you just tell me what you think and what you think needs to be done with it
-
-
beautiful!
kind of reminds me of Bambi in a way. This is a very good poem.
Blessed Be,
Hecate
-
AHHHH.....! SO BEAUTIFUL!
So much like my woods back home,
This is beautiful, a wonderful description of nature at its best.
-
oh so pretty pretty...you have described our forest so perfectly my fairy friend. :-)
-
bookmark this.
this is imagery!!! perfect, how you are able to captivate me.....
-
Line breaks....correct grammar.lol I have to tell you that I was so lost in your breathtaking imagery that I didnt notice either. I was watching the animals, smelling the fresh air and relaxing by the waters with a cool drink.
Oustanding writing Wendy
Roses
Raker
-
Wow
Jeebus dearest roommate of mine this is great. I love how descriptive it is, I could almost see the butterflies and stuff.
Don't hate me for this but I can't help it..."a owl" should be "an owl"
Other than that everything is freaking awesome! I'm so proud of you your poetry is really coming along.
Love always,
Raeven
-
Have you thought of dividing this into line breaks? It would make it sound more poetic and less like a story. But maybe you want it to sound like a story? The visions are beautiful. (one other thing; waits to get hit; the word is mouse if it's only one.)
-
-
Thank you fot the suggestion.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
