I miss my sister
I whispered
into the silent
black
around me. As it faded
silence returned,
pushing on my ears,
a pressure louder
than gunfire.
Silence screamed
at me for sanity,
but only destroyed
it. She hung
from the rafters
of our church,
filtered hope
shining through
the colored glass
onto her immobile form.
So I hang my faith
up in cathedrals,
letting it burn
away in the kaleidoscopic
light.
Author notes
Inspired from a prompt we ha in class. We had to write a secret down and then pick one out of a hat from everybodies. I got "I miss my sister."
also inspired from the Thursday song "Asleep in the Chapel."
In a list
A contest entry
- the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heal my scars or rip open my gashes. by emoxninjaxgone.
700 points, ended October 18, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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i feel like a parrot. but wow.
nothing else....
i kinda wish i could write something like this.
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WOW, this was more than just a little spine tingling
Utterly eerie, and had me almost shivering in my seat -
It was totally not what I was expecting, that much is for sure
"She hung
from the rafters
of our church, "
Jesus, I'll never be able to look at a church in the same way again girl, and I spend a lot of time IN churches!! Man oh man!
Thanks for entering
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Heh, thanks. I'm happy it had such an impact on you, not that it scared you, but that it struck home in some way. I put a lot into this piece. Good luck judging!
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well written
this is extremely eerie and more than a bit gruesome to read. but suicide is never pleasant to see or hear about, especially if it is as personal as a family member. you wrote this well. thank you for sharing this with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. i wish you well in this conest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie -
Wow this is depressing and yet written so well i like the first part alot "I miss my sister I whispered
into the silent black around me" that was worded so well. thanks for entering my contest i wish you th3 best of luck.
shelly: -
i like this thanx for entering
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Great write, I really enjoyed it, especially the ending. Oh and nice title it really draws you in, well done. Thanx for entering and good luck!
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i loved how you expressed yourself in this poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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this was beautiful
it was deep
i love the way you write -
wow, very powerful and sad and so many other things that words cant say, I love this. Last time I gave a poem to a teacher they sent me to the school counseler. (see merry murder) But this is just...WOW
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Heh, thats the diference between high school and college, in college, no one cares how you feel. =P I'm glad you liked this, thanks a ton for the comment!
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This is the SHIT!!!
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WOW!
This is great! You're a very gifted writer. I've read several of your poems so far, and I really enjoy them. The imagery and emotion in the one is intense and amazing!
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Incredibly heavy but beautifully written. I liked this.
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this is amazing
images and more images
you write so well
there is so much i like about this poem that i cant say that i have a favorite part
wonderfuly writen
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i think that you are a boundless writer and that is key...
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Wow. This is a very moving piece, Great job
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I stopped in to leave a comment on a poem on your page...I liked the name of this one...So the word that I would use to describe this is ________________ that being because I'm speechless. The imagery this created for me was amazing... It reminds me that when someone close to us dies, a part of us dies too, it's inevitable... well good job...
Chrissy
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oO
I'm glad you liked it so much, I worked really hard on this one. musta revied it 10 times. Thanks so much!
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I thought it had good meter, really crisp phrasing which made it strong.
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So, do I hear an Amen?...sorry...this is a good dark piece...suicide is a tough subject to get a good write out of...you did well with it. My sister did the deed, so this piece with its cynicism works for me, especially after reading the author note ...Later, AG
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Jease, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you think I did well with this, it's someting I may not have exact personal experience in, but I've found I can feel through others very well. Thanks so much for the comment!
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Amazing write
we all miss someone sooner or later.
Smile,
Judy
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Thx so much. Glad you liked it!
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Omg
This like amazing. Great write i really injoyed reading it.Its sad yetsome how theres a hint of hope. Great job.
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that was amazing
positivly breath-taking
i love how it kept me reading faster and faster, you know how to build emotion up perfectly.
intense and slightly morbid at the same time, great job
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thank you very much, I worked hard on this one. =)
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silent sadness. i enjoyed reading it. great job!
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Cynical!
I really enjoy this piece. The ending in particular was intense. Strong and cynic imagery. I believe that you mastered your intent in this piece. Excellent job. Keep evolving!
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This was pretty good. It was a sad piece. I liked reading this. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
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thanks for the comment, good luck judging!
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the comfort of the black zone
where no colors bleed
the pain of life
tempting to many
and god help
those that go there
seeking solace
that the earth
no longer holds
for their tortured souls
peace to you my poetic friend -
unique
I thought your poem was very sad. Super writing. I enjoyed reading it though I wanted to cry! We have a lot in common as I read your page. I will continue to read your poems as I know I will like them. I am new here, check my poems out if you want! Again, I loved the poem.
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This is amazing. I love it.. it gets you thinking a little bit. makes you curious as to what happend. I really did enjoy this one.. i read it a couple times over. Great job. keep it up
~DarkAngel -
lol i already read this.
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This was amazing
Great inspiration
Really interesting
I'm so sorry I couldn't give criticism, I'm not smart enough to pick such masterpieces apart
This is so beauitufl
I loved the sad and smooth tone
Well done
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A like the mellow-dramatic effect of this piece. The sorrow that it had painted brings extreme pain in the seemingly orchestrated melancholy like tone.
My favorite lines:
So I hang my faith
up in cathedrals,
letting it burn
away in the kaleidoscopic
light.
The slow motion and the hushness it brings makes readers wanting more inspite of the sadness it surrenders.
Thanks for sharing and see you around.
~VIRGOAN~ -
Thanks for entering
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this was a really great poem..i enjoyed reading this..it flowed smootlhy and the words you used were powerful and emotional..keep writting your very talented
~Chrissy~ -
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! this piece was soooooooooooo sad!!! beautifully written though! I really really liked it! great write! the background is really good as well! excellent job and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
Yes
Great job.
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WOOT! Thanks so much! I'm really glad you liked it, I worked hard on it, It's been revised about 4 times so far, and I'm really pleased with this. =D
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Moving and touching piece. Your thoughts are well written and the design of this piece is great. Such a sad and emotionally charged write. Thanks for your entry!
~Lori -
upon another read of this the background is really amazing on this incredible poem too... i didn't notice it as much the first time around (or second either)... but it jumped out at me this time... it's wild - like 3d or somethign... Very creative and just goes with the poem. I still think this is my favorite of yours to date I can't give any more clappies ( sorry
- but the computer won't let me) so betsy
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wow
this was a great poem and you are a great poet i hope if we are not friends already i hope we can be thanks for sharing and god bless you
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very good write it really made me think
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great write.
"Silence screamed
at me for sanity,
but only destroyed
it. She hung
from the rafters
of our church,
filtered hope
shining through
the colored glass
onto her immobile form."
Was my favorite part... good job and thanks for entering my contest. -
i love this deary. very deep. awesome actaully.
best of luck -
then gunfire = don't you mean than ????
I did read this and I wrote a long review.... it's not here (sorry)
I love this!!!!!! I think it's awesome and the whole church thing with the glass and colors bring it to life. It is also a real tear-jerker piece that's very touching.
Great luck in the contest and sorry my earlier comment didn't post!!!
Betsy (I'd give you more clappies for this if I could)
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wow this is an amazing write. you have alot of talent.I love the style you used, it really held an impact on the meaning behind the words. I love the last stanza the most, so much depth in little words.
thanks for entering and goodluck -
i can't say how glad i was to see this was from class. i really can't say how much relief passed through me when i saw it was not what it first appeared to be to me. my heart almost cried with relief. thank you for sharing this with me. viyanna rosemarie
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great write...silence screaming at me for sanity-excellent...also love the last stanza...thanks for sharing
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nice job. it grabs you. nice job.
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WOW this is one very impacting piece, it really touches you and pulls you in.. you have expressed yourself so very very well.
Shanelle
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