Stillness hangs with a bottom lip
In warmth thickened air.
An ear flickers to a sound,
Weight shifts from hoof to hoof,
And silence falls again.
He lies with thick-feathered legs
curled beneath him,
Eyes drooping in rest.
She approaches,
Shoulders squared away
So he will understand
she wants nothing from him.
An eye,
So big and deep
That you could fall in
Regards her.
He gives her permission
To be there.
She drops,
And lays a hand across his withers,
Suddenly aware of his size,
Of the strength contained
And the pounding force, stayed.
Her head against his neck feels
Softness over taut muscle.
She sees the wilderness
Beneath the skin
He is sun-warmed,
Like the earth he lies on,
And is part of.
That eye contains
Millennia of running
Hunted and suffering,
He knows a predator’s claw on his skin
But still allows
The outstretched claw-hand
While he is prone, and vulnerable
Call it ‘Love’ then,
And let anthropomorphism reign.
Give it a human name
For the counter-instinct pause
That stops him rolling,
Flailing blunt clubs of legs unfurled,
Until she is out of striking
Or,
Grant the horse his wildness,
The rhythm of flight
And plunging freedom
That runs with a thousand of his ancestors
And call it Trust
that lies them
prey and predator,
the strong and weak
together in this stillness
as pounding hoof beats fade.
Author notes
for Trigger. he'll really appreciate it i'm sure.
A contest entry
- Look!!! by Maybe Anastasia.
300 points, ended April 2, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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lol I'm sure he'd appreciate it if he could...
this was very, very well written, although i realise you probably won't believe me...
very erm... I forget the word... sensuous? not quite. evocative- that's the one. there's a lot of metaphorical imagery that utilises some very earthy sentiments- which works really well here I think.
there's just one line that doesn't quite work for me here- which is 'He knows a predator’s claw on his skin' not because its not good, but because it seems a little strained? hmm. maybe its the meter that's slightly off.
other than that- beautiful write becka, and don't dismiss that. because there are always going to be people that dismiss you, they don't need any encouragement...
lovely
~ C ~
xx
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font was a little hard but content for an emotional eye
Poet (with 63 lines that make it etchable),
"Lying Next to Wilderness" has a rythm don't get rid of it kind of read.
The first stanza just imprints a pant so softly -- scratches weren't sensed as you switch us to specifics :
"An ear flickers to a sound,"
animal, to our want to get on some as you expound as if brought to your ranch of thought.
The second has tension of curiosity only.
The third tapers to a poignant interactive beauty :
"An eye,
So big and deep
That you could fall in"
and no doubt the registration of "regard" that took place.
The cusp of appreciation that wasn't just a pet farm but a personal linger :
"And lays a hand across his withers,
Suddenly aware of his size,
Of the strength contained
And the pounding force, stayed."
This then became so pictorial placement that could look for belong not just for observation of adrenaline of the land but a self-control!
Wow, there's more with the gene momory per se mosaicing with who is now carried not simply as a what.
There isn't a pout so to speak to be a stop sign :
"He knows a predator’s claw on his skin
But still allows
The outstretched claw-hand"
I know you sensitively point out the pleasers species could be but I think it got too sultry in the sweltering discipline to say it's for :
"And let anthropomorphism reign."
[there are traits that are hollow yet for so much consideration which could be given for subjection.]
There was shyness that then says :
"And plunging freedom
That runs with a thousand of his ancestors
And call it Trust"
but the scene isn't available as to whether you speak of such back herd being that big really.
But nothing was diminished by that the conclusion had impact. -
I really liked this. It gave a sense of the horses wilder side. There is nothing like lying next to a 1000+ pound animal and having it let you be there when all natural instincts are telling it to run and kick you on the way up. You did an awesome job capturing this and I am sure Trigger will love it.
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