(The unwilling disciple)
I could melt from the heat he’s creating
but still his bellows flow;
A moments rest
Then the hammers come
and I am beaten with every blow!
What does he think he can make of me?
How am I – to satisfy?
He burns me; he beats me
he bends me to form
and “again” is his only cry!
Is he a fool without purpose?
This is nothing but pain and shame!
His continuous beatings
and endless reheating
a cost of so little gain!
I would leave if I had the choice
or his mercy if mercy it be
But the harder I fight
the harder he hits
how dare he do this to me!
He knows where my weaknesses lie
and witch of his tools to use;
he is the master
and I am his game,
is it his will to abuse?
Now he says that his beating
are all wrought with love
and I should wait until he is through.
That he is the blacksmith
and I am his steel
and that this is what he must do!
But how can I trust him?
He calls this love!
Why is it my soul he bends?
Oh how I wish
I could see what I’ll be
when these beatings finally end!
In a list
A contest entry
- RHYME TIME by Piccola.
450 points, ended March 20, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does God Hear Me? by Lyrical Rain.
375 points, ended May 11, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Really great, again, what can i expect
I love the feeling with the metaphor.
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Perfect
Love the thoughts for this. I haven't seen one like it.
Unique and beautiful. -
This is great. I love the metaphor. the rhyme and meter don't remind me of Longfellow, but the subject does..in a tiny way. anyway, thanks for the entry. I have 50 more to read and then I'll be back before the end.
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Thank you,
I wasn't thinking about Longfellow but I do like him, so the influence is entirely possible.
and the comparison is generous and kind
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Very nice
Excellent rhythm and flow with this and what a choice for a subject matter. Who would have thought? Well done! ~Pamela
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lol, I am full of surprises as I tend to write about everything that crosses my mind. much of which I can not burn fast enough.
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