Beneath the starlit autumn sky
The wind begins to lull.
The harvest moon illuminates
A single wooden hull.
The tattered sails still catch the wind
And push the vessel forth.
Its rudder holds it steady on
Its endless journey north.
The captain’s room is empty and
Below decks none tell tales;
Its crew has long abandoned it
But on the ghost ship sails.
In summers light it was renowned
By men from every shore
Performing feats of deftness that
No sailor could ignore.
Its captain used to boast its class,
And rightfully indeed;
For many ships attempted but
Not one could match its speed.
It knew widespread distinction and
The profits that entails.
Those days have long since passed it by
But on the ghost ship sails.
Now nothing is remaining of
Its sweet but fleeting fame
There isn’t one man living who
Can still recall its name.
In annals and in archives there
Are records of the boat
But records never read are just
As those not ever wrote.
Its lost its glossy luster and
Its rigging nearly fails.
A shadow of what used to be
But on the ghost ship sails.
From time to time a sailor will
Catch sight of its dark shape.
His mind will start to wonder as
He takes his time to gape.
He’ll contemplate its profile and
Without further delay
He’ll quickly mark its path and then
As quickly turn away.
Unaided in its voyages,
Alone in its travails;
It knows not what its heading is
But on the ghost ship sails.
A contest entry
- Your Best Poems by Lj-.
300 points, ended June 10, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Good job! You certainly earned the gold trophy.
If you have not heard of him, I'm sure you would enjoy the poetry by Eusebius here on AP. He even has one titled "The Ghost Ship."
A splend work of poetry. The repetition is really great.
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Congratulations on your win; you must be thrilled!
Peace Georgia
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Such an excellent & poignant metaphor. Journeys go on in life even though the best of times may have passed long ago. And only those things that really mattered are remembered. I especially loved the line:
"But records never read are just...As those not ever wrote." What a summation of those "accomplishments" that really don't matter in the end. Just a wonderful read to ponder & read over again. Blue
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Congratulations!!! This is honestly one of the most amazing poems I have ever read on this great site, and it's no suprise to me that you won! I look forward to reading your next entry!
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Surreal from the outset, and enthralling to the end! I myself have been wanting to write a poem about a derelict, and I think you did an extremely exceptional job. You may not have had any certain ship in mind, but I cannot help being reminded of the Mary Celeste. Bravo!
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I see my co-judge has piped me at the post in commenting on this piece of work but even so I’d like to add my own comment as I agree with him that it’s one of quality, both in its content and performance.
This is a very well crafted poem and I can see that you have put a lot of care into it. Firstly I think that the story that you have told has been done so in a really Romanic way that the poem seems to be recalling times gone by, myths and legends.
The rhyme that you have chosen fits the poem well, making it flow well when spoken, but is lively enough to carry you to the end of each stanza. The repetition of ‘on the ghost ship sails’ also creates the feeling of a mantra, or a part of the poem that every one could join in with when hearing it read out loud.
There was very little that I could see that I didn’t like about your poem. There was one line that I think should have a comma at the end of it, ‘By men from every shore / Performing feats of deftness’, ‘Its sweet but fleeting fame / There isn’t one man living who’, and there were one or two words that I think made the flow jolt, where the rest of it was soft and almost dreamlike, ‘deftness’ and ‘travails’. There are lines though that have a real beauty about them and could be standalone lines, In annals and in archives there/Are records of the boat/But records never read are just / As those not ever wrote.’
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry!
Northern Raven
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I cannot say that this is a sentiment easily expressed, but this is the best entry I have had the pleasure of reading thus far. The Raven Contest is, by nature, a crowded field where much excellence can, by the discerning and trepid reader, be found. To write at the top of its class, then, should entail a literary styling not only worthy of publishing, but of all the honor the contest is intended to bestow.
Within the passages (pun intended) of "The Ghost Ship" I read a metaphor for contemporary humanity that is as accessable as it is ingenius. We are, individually and societaly, often without aim or goal, yet, like your ship, we push onward, forward, towards and inexorable yet unknowable end. Equally so are we, in many ways, a vapid memory of what once was.
In the lines "But records never read are just / As those not ever wrote" you denote a universal truth as propounded upon as it is ignored. Each generation that comes forth fails, fundamentally, to learn from the experience of its fathers and sails on, just as their sons and daughters will do. A more currently viable observation may not exist in our times.
If I could suggest one change it would only to be perhaps to switch line 40 from "He takes his time to gape" to "His eyes assimilate." I only suggest this change because the "gape" line is the only part of your piece that even approached awkwardness in an otherwise perfect rhyme scheme. Further, shape/assimilate is a deft rhyme that is, if I may, equal to the piece you have set forth.
Again, thank you for this fantastic contest entry. It is for works like this that the contest is held.
~Das -
Very nice flow and subject.
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Fantastic poetry, the rhythmn and flow is flawless and the rhyming superb! A fine display of talent. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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WOW
this is truely fantastic. luckily for you I read it first and didnt DQ it automatically for you havent followed the rules! you didnt put the option number and the kitty face either in the notes or in the comment box. I read it and found it to be far too good for me to disqualify. I liked the particular rhyme scheme in this piece and it flowed well more than it didnt flow so well. but no ones perfect, eh! the imagery in this poem was also very elaborate. I could certainly see the ship and the detail etched into the background of the setting.
"From time to time a sailor will
Catch sight of its dark shape.
His mind will start to wonder as
He takes his time to gape.
He’ll contemplate its profile and
Without further delay
He’ll quickly mark its path and then
As quickly turn away.
Unaided in its voyages,
Alone in its travails;
It knows not what its heading is
But on the ghost ship sails."
this is my favorrite stanza of the poem for the rhyme does not feel forced at all. it flows smoothly and really makes you wonder, possibly even shiver a little bit! I also feel taht this last stanza does and EXCELENT job at concluding the piece. it re-sets the mood of the entire piece and leaves the reader wiht something to ponder
GREAT write youve got here and good luck in the contests!
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Bravo! OMG I completely loved this piece, the rhythm, rhyme and repitition are all stunning! My one nitpick in this would be the line "Not one could match its speed" as it rather throws off the flow of the piece, and i think you could improve it by switching it to "None could match its speed" It is a small complaint, and utterly up to you if you heed it or not. Other than that small thing, i found your poem enchanting, and it brought several different things to mind as i read it, legends of different ghost ships from books and movies, and by never mentioning its name, you've left it open to the imagination of the reader to choose just what Ghost ship it is... Great use of repitition anywas, and loved how each stanza ended with the same line, it was a very effective and haunting gimick... great work and thanks for entering!
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A fine excercise in romanticism!
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i was wondering what the ship was a refrence to (up until i read your notes). this is very intriguing. it truly is a great write. i love that you use a perfect rhyme scheme in this, and there is nothing forced about it. it has an awesome flow. and i like the story that it tells.
thank you for entering and best of luck to you!
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very well done, a very enjoyable read.
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now that was cool.
nice metaphor. good rhyming. nice flow.
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