We loved like roses entangled,
we fled like lovers denied.
We died as only heroes could,
our names were Bonnie and Clyde.
Our killings will be remembered,
for their brutal ways.
But life is tough and waning,
we live on borrowed days.
We halt for no man or posse,
time waits for no poor soul.
Today will end tomorrow,
another ace in the hole.
Another dawn will follow,
and blood will spill on dust.
For you do what you can in this life,
and we, we did what we must.
There are no words of sadness,
and regret is in the past.
We live this life as best we can,
and know it will not last.
We hold each other closely,
each night before we rest.
Knowing deep inside,
yesterday was always best.
But tomorrow comes unchanging,
and the next will be the same.
We'll run, we'll fight, and maybe die,
to go back from whence we came.
And if today don't kill us,
and tomorrow treats us well.
We'll dream of heaven fleeting,
as we toast our friends in hell.
We cannot ever go back,
to the days before our fall.
We remember a life so distant,
What is left, nothing at all.
Oh furies and gods united,
oh saints and goddesses fair.
Show me a world worth saving,
a world that is always fair.
Where lovers can love unfettered,
and sinners are far from thought.
Where we can find a purpose,
so that this wasn't all for not.
Maybe tomorrow will be different,
perhaps better on the other side.
But we know this isn't the case,
for our departed Bonnie and Clyde.
A contest entry
- Poems for my wall by Lauren Noir.
650 points, ended August 31, 2007, 83 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm So Proud To Be A Bandit Bandit Contest #3 by Lady Altheia.
1050 points, ended September 2, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder ♥ Love ♥ by forbidden-colour.
530 points, ended September 22, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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I love how it focuses on very different things than most love poetry, and the new angle on the Bonnie and Clyde story.
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Very well worded, even if the rhythm is off a little.
I was quite vexed at this stanza:
~But tomorrow comes unchanging,
and the next will be the same.
We'll run, we'll fight, and maybe die,
to go back from whence we came~
it strikes me as cyclical, yet that seems an impossibility unless they continiue on after death. Thats what makes it such a great stanza.
bye,
until immolation,
homewrecker -
And if today don't kill us,
and tomorrow treats us well.
We'll dream of heaven fleeting,
as we toast our friends in hell.
We cannot ever go back,
to the days before our fall.
We remember a life so distant,
What is left, nothing at all
I really enjoyed this piece of work.
Keep on writing.
-Lord Abortion -
This was a very good read. It flowed very well, you portrayed your thoughts very well also. There is a lot of vivid imagery in this piece.
All and all, a well written piece.
Keep up the good work. -
This is unique, I like it very much. I thank you for sharing it and I hope to see more of your work in the future. I hope to see more of your work in the future
nd if today don't kill us,
and tomorrow treats us well.
We'll dream of heaven fleeting,
as we toast our friends in hell.
We cannot ever go back,
to the days before our fall.
We remember a life so distant,
What is left, nothing at all.
Best of luck in the contests!!!!
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You did a great job capturing their personalities. This was definately worth the read. Had me from line one friend. Great job and best of luck to you.
Tory -
Thank you all to those who have commented. *bows* It means more than you can imagine.
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to artist .....ur great i luv your poem .....
honestly one thing i just luv about it is that i understand u and i felt this way befour...beforur ur a great inspiration...bree -
that was wonderful i loved it!!! such a good subject, and i loved how you wrote it, brilliant!
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this was a really interesting take on the Bonnie and Clyde dou.....I think that you rhyme scheme flowed really well and that for everyone who doesn't know who the infamous pair are, I think that you gave them a pretty decent image.
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Ohh great!
Thank you for entering and the best of luck to you sweety!
Mwah!
X -
Ah, the most famous bandits of them all. Thank you so much for your entry.
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Promise...sing
This composition is well worthy of deeper attention and although the flow is competent there are areas where it could be improved.
That should in itself not detract from considerable poetic potential and in some areas seems to take its cue if not from some of Kipling's verse at least from a well read classical background
One hesitates before making concrete suggestions while awaiting a further draft which might reveal a more polished diamond
Perhaps for
so that this wasn't all for not.
for naught was meant ?
Hoping this comment is construed as proactive criticism -
Where lovers can love unfettered,
and sinners are far from thought.
Where we can find a purpose,
so that this wasn't all for not.
Maybe tomorrow will be different,
perhaps better on the other side.
But we know this isn't the case,
for our departed Bonnie and Clyde.
intricate and well thought out piece
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I don't know much about Bonnie and Clyde, but you gave them a wonderful personality and made a fantastic story out of your words
There was so much devotion in the words, you created so much beauty between them
The start was beautiful
The middle was beautiful
And the end was fantastic
It was a wonderful story, wonderfully written
The rhyme was great, it worked and was never forced
I don't have any constructive criticism to give
Well done, good luck and thanks for entering
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Although I am not sympathetic to Bonnie & Clyde's plight I will say that you penned this beautifully. Not only is the rhyme superb and not in the least bit forced but the flow of the poem is more that of a story: beginning, middle, and end. Excellent job here!
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i love the poem it flows really well and really tells the bonnie and clyde story well
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Nice
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It had a nice rhythm to it and you did an excellent job rhyming. I can honestly say I never envisioned the love aspect of this famous couple. I had only imagined the violence they committed, but never stopped to think about the possible relationship the two had. This poem helped the couple me gain a completely new perspective on these people, which is making me somewhat sympathetic for this violent couple. Truly a great read, keep up the good work! -
Enjoyed.
Very good tale, I love rhyme and this was so well done, flow perfect, what more could we want! WASP.
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Lucid,tender and thought provoking.Got me thinking of "Me and My girlfriend.
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Lucid,tender and thought provoking.Got me thinking of "Me and My girlfriend.
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Wow!
This poem kept my interest! It really tells the story behind Bonnie and Clyde. The poem has good flow! I like the last stanza,
"Maybe tomorrow will be different,
perhaps better on the other side.
But we know this isn't the case,
for our departed Bonnie and Clyde." -
now this is very, very cool with a rhyme that's very pleasing. this is just plain fun to read
your poem seemed to slide back and forth between tenses in parts. that is only a small glitch in an otherwise perfect poem
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Maybe tomorrow will be different,
perhaps better on the other side.
But we know this isn't the case,
for our departed Bonnie and Clyde.
Well my friend you have really touched the burning concept of the life ..this is a wonderful work
revealing the truth of this world..I loved your intensity of the poem which is very forceful and very touchy as well..Your flow of the sentiment is a key to understand this mysterious life which is known as world and to understand the role of ours to live with it as well..I am really touched with this great sentiment..a beautiful and so touchy work...
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This was a wonderful penning! Your flow, rhythm and rhyme..all excellent. I found it almost danced as I read it. You fill the mind with wonderful imagery and I found it an absolute pleasure to read
~tia
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Spoken so perfectly
We loved like roses entangled Yes in the ways of even today we have our gangs and thugs that look only for the moment and the thrills of the day they look not on tomorrow and could care less about yesterday. This was an excellent write and I enjoyed it very much keep up the good work and yes I will keep an eye on your work from now own
For our departed Bonnie and Clyde
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This is amazing. It has an excellent flow and has a great story. This must have taken some writting. I feel inspired now.
'Show me a world worth saving'..... OH I WISH.
Awsome write.
Phoenix x -
Oh furies and gods united,
oh saints and goddesses fair.
Show me a world worth saving,
a world that is always fair.
Bitter disillusionment. Yes. Good work. -
WOW.
That was amazing.. and it really can get one thinking!!! You go into so much description... and paint one of these very interesting pictures that just makes me sit there for a few moments thinking... good job!!!
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"We hold each other closely, each night before we rest.
Knowing deep inside, yesterday was always best." I especially liked these lines because it speaks so much truth. This poem was absolutely amazing i enjoyed reading it and i understood it perfectly. Keep writing and great job. Emily
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beautiful, absalutely beautiful, great flow, I loved it from start to the end...Great job
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I GUESS THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED THIS POEM WAS SO MUCH MORE, I THROUGHLY EJOYED THIS POEM. YOU HAVE TAKEN THE WORDS FROM ME, I KNOW NOT WHAT ELSE TOO SAY!!!
But life is tough and waning,
we live on borrowed days.
time waits for no poor soul.
Today will end tomorrow,
another ace in the hole.
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Excellent!
Great rhythm, great voice. The only thing that confuses me is the last stanza - you suddenly move from first person to third person. I think it would read better in first person.
My favorite was this:
"We halt for no man or posse,
time waits for no poor soul.
Today will end tomorrow,
another ace in the hole."
SW.
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