She had auburn hair like fire
that cascaded down her back
straight and even it flowed...
along her soft, gentle skin.
Her eyes held depth and wonder;
but were blinded by lies and deceit,
wrapped in empty promises...
encased within a troubled heart.
Her lips held tight, the color;
of the crimson red painted on them,
the clothing that attracted the males,
by saying, tonight...I'm kissable.
Her mind wandered here, there, and yonder
of so many different affairs,
it became an affliction of sorts,
as alcohol became her new crutch.
Her songs had telltale signs of sorrow,
like her transfer into adulthood
nights filled with insomnia,
and days of pleasing the crowds.
Her life now over: a suicide,
she walked into tepid waters
but tornadic winds soon turned it cold
and dispersed chills among her body.
Her body; now crystallized
within the murky depths,
rushes across the ocean floor
like a canoe down the rapids...
and she sleeps~
Calmly, gently, peacefully...
Her hair now iced: a pure snow white
her eyes no longer blind,
her lips let that crimson fade from years
and her mind is now at peace...
No more restless nights
no more crowds to please
no new songs of sorrow
though fans still reign supreme~
The ten year anniversary
of her departure day
her #1 hit song echos
all across the world.
Her body found by faeries
with long, thin, translucent wings
who sprinkle pixie dust on her
and then step back and wait.
Her color magically returns
her eyes; now open to the truth
her lips secretly say thank you~
as today she is born anew.
Replenished skin as soft as velvet
pupils are clear crystal blue
glittering wings penetrate from her spine
as everyone welcomes her back.
Living teen years as a human
was a trial to become an adult...
to feel and understand oneself
and the thoughts that make them mortal~
Author notes
anyone who knows puncuation please let me know how bad I screw this one up lol
In a list
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Personal Best #2 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 20, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want a lot of poems... by love my jose luis.
900 points, ended February 21, 2008, 125 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I liked this poem especially the italicized words, this really added a lot of feeling to this as I read through it, thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest.
~Maria -
Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
although I thought the ending stanza wasn't all that necessary, I liked it all the way through the seasons, the summery warm crutch nights, the songs of Autumn, And then that immeasurable Crystal clearity of the lonely self relfected winter Awakened by my favorite wings, the spring of our inner butterfly child,
With light and peter pan I give this a bravo and do a spiral jump- cheers- Jas
-
This is a mirror with which i can see myself too..
It takes anyone on a journey.Some of us that imbibe from the spring of sorrow understand this poem.Thank you.
-
This was a kick ass poem to the very end!!!!! I was in amazement the whole way through. You have a gift.
-
this poem was captivating, it pulled you along to the ending so you just had to know what was happening. Punctuation isn't really my strong point either, but I use radically different punctuation in my poetry anyways in order to get an idea across and I think yours worked well with what you were trying to do.
-
I like the way it started out negitive and ended so positive...oh,being a teenager is the stepping stones to adulthood...and once there you wonder what all the upside down days were really about...so long ago for me..but this poem seems to be fresh in this learning experience..well done..thanks for sharing
-
I'm sorry I can't really help with the punctuation. I usually don't use any in my poems so I dunno. I did like this poem though. It was beautifully written. I wish you luck in the contest and keep up the good work.
Em
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
