A hidden place...
Crested eagles of foam ride
an army of turbulent teal.
They crawl towards the shore,
before roaring softly -
a frothy explosion
ruptures on Welsh sands.
Author notes
Based on a view of this place:
http://images.google.co.uk/images?client=firefox-a&channel=s&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-GB%3Aofficial&hl=en&q=nant+gwrtheyrn&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2
from a cliff face just across the coast.
The walk nearly killed me to say the least but the view from the top was good enough for me to be inspired to write.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Gorgeous place, first of all. I really liked how the abstract paralells drawn had a sense of realism to them. And, of course, the imagery was fantastic. I haven't read anything by you in ages, so I'm glad to have checked this one out.
Great stuff,
--Kimberlee
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It seems that eagles would be more likely to cry, or screech, or sing, than to roar. That was the main thing that disturbed me... Also, do they crawl? Hmm...how about glide or dive? I realize you probably want to emphasize that these are waves, not birds, but I think you could send that message with more bird-like language.
Maybe you could put in something about the eagle landing or perching (wave crashes on beach), and still convey that it was all a metaphor. This would further your metaphor...
I don't see why you put the title as the first line. Any reason? I don't especially like it.
Don't get me wrong, this is a great write. I'm just being extra picky, finding tiny faults since there are no big ones. Also, I'm a little tense today, so don't take my critiscism too harshly.
Nice work.
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beautiful
It's a beautiful poem. While some people would take 40 lines trying to explain something you do it in so little, but without taking away from the awe of it all. I really love this poem.
~Tiff~
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Lovely phototoes of Welsh nature!
The description is excellent!
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Oooh pretty. Very pretty ^.^ it ALMOST makes me want to go to Wales... but alas, cows chase me, i fall down hills, they blag me with coconut icecream when i wanted vanilla, the sea washed away our portable bbq, and a dog savaged my friend's ankle...
great poem though, lol. Serene, even though you use words like turbulent and explosion. Nature in its glory. Yum.x
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you have a talent for description... your words were images that showed me what was going on and where you were without looking at the image you were inspired by.. lovely work
~choaticrose
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Thank you! I wish we could applaud comments.
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