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Phonecall (Terza Rima)

I was reading the climax of a novel
when the phone rang
and my heart turned to gravel.

As my adrenaline sang,
I started to twitch
for my head had gone "BANG!"

You began to flick a switch -
a melancholy of silence,
the predecessor of which.

Into the chasms of resilience
and through the fires of pride,
into original provenance;

I said those words and cried
for our love that had been gone,
for the angel that had since died.

A contest entry

Citical comments more than welcome

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Zerstort
    September 3, 2007
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    It's one of those ones you read twice.

    Aden


  • My Precious
    May 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I'm not familiar with this form but I like this poem very much.

    You sound like someone who has been writing for quite some time, although I see that you are a young person. You obviously are gifted - and I'm jealous.

    I like "my heart turned to gravel." I know that feeling - just never heard it described that way till now.

    Refreshing read.

    MP


  • TheStarsFaintForYou
    March 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love it. I love you. It makes my heart sad to know that half of my brain is in emotional distress.


    • Twisted Fairy
      March 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Half a brain in distress is better than the whole brain in distress, I always say.


  • Gay-Militant
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very interesting. though, i'm not one for rhyming poetry, i like more informal rhyme. But i love this piece, it makes my heart go "BANG!" hee hee.


    • Twisted Fairy
      March 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You're always such a gentleman...to come here and comment when most others don't.


  • poetryality silver member
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am impressed by the form although I know very little about writing in it. I also like the imagery. For some reason the third stanza leaps out at me, which is good. Thank you ever so much for the time spent to enter my challenge. I wish you all the very best.



    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Barbara gold member
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've never read a 'Terza Rima' before, but I like the scheme of it. Might just try one myself.
    'Into the chasms of resilience' ... very cool line, and so descriptive. This is a nicely done entry, and I wish you well in the contest.


    • Twisted Fairy
      March 18, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      Technically, I was supposed to use Iambic parameters, that is soft/hard, soft/hard, soft/hard, hard/soft, soft/hard beat with every other word. But I bent the guidelines and just followed the general scheme.

      Good luck to you too!

1 - 9 of 9