You can’t deny the beauty of an eye:
The glow that lies within, but light can die,
And emotion grows lifeless, if left too long,
Like the dregs and echoes of a music-hall song,
So that what once lit up rooms and sparkled bright
Becomes as dull as cloud-filled darkest night.
Everything must end, must become lost,
Erosion steals the words we once embossed
Upon motionless stone that has now crumbled,
And part of majestic buildings now tumbled,
Despite its beauty an eye is not free
From what all suffer from: mortality.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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crestfallen's right, there is some amazing imagery in this. Though I disagree with your philosophy here because I believe in freedom and immortality, though not for the eye because it's a piece of flesh it's a brilliantly written poem.
I could almost hear the eerie music-hall song after I'd read that line and see the majestic buildings tumbling. I've said this before and I'll say it again, you're one talented writer!
Love, light & eternity
Georgia -
Truely a unique way to put across your ideas. I felt that the second stanza has a little more impact than the first, but taken as a whole this is a really great write! You've used some really unexpected imagery that acutally works very well with the piece ('Upon motionless stone that has now crumbled,/And part of majestic buildings now tumbled,'). I particularly liked the first two lines of the second stanza- I've never seen 'lost/embossed' used as a rhyme before, it works so well! Very creative write, I thoroughly enjoyed!
Crestfallen
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Brilliant! brilliant!
Incredible! It's caused me to smile because although it's pretty negative it's so darned good! Such powers of description and profundity. Well thought out and put together. You could end up as an English teacher and you'd be better than some of the ones I had. Hehehe
Love, light & peace
Georgia
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