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hotel posse


entering,
the two men stare viciously in my eyes
as though a bag and a pocket full of hearts
was something never seen
before--

 

a creature with a soul.

i've got an ipod
in my ear canal, and fingers in my khakki's warmth.
lend me a dollar so i may live the night
in peace,

 

and i'll leave you alone. 

 

i'm in the lobby of a grand hotel,
watching choir girls
rehearse, thinking to myself,

 

"maybe one will reach a note,
and make this life
worthwhile."

 

.

. 

 

if not, i'll take the elevator,

and drown myself in

 

monotone.

Author notes

piece one of an undetermined quantity. one of three series i'm currently taking on; the only one i'm going solo on, however.

A contest entry

l'hotel posse-- a collection

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • sceneXcore
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!



    "maybe one will reach a note,
    and make this life
    worthwhile."

    if not, i'll take the elevator,

    and drown myself in



    monotone.


    Amazing, and i can relate to this... a far to familiar feeling that i seem to go through day in and day out... You captured it beautifully..

    Great Job

    God Bless
    Alexis


  • polly filla
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great rhythm, and as usual, surreal content. it totally makes sense though, surreal as in super-real.

    fabulous title, as well


  • Hell In Harmony
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    if not, i'll take the elevator,

    and drown myself in



    monotone.



    AH. Love.love.love.love.love that!
    fave ending so far!


  • Poetic Drug
    April 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was cool.. take this----->


  • neon nightmares
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a bag and a pocket full of hearts
    was something never seen
    before--
    Wow, this is beautiful. This is a really amazing piece. luvvs
    xxxx


  • Ryno
    March 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Here, take some applauds


  • duke of balabamas
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was great as always, and im surprised i didnt comment it earlier. looking forward to everything that accompanies it. and i just saw that thing at the bottom that said the most comments for the day gets a weeks gold membership free, so now would be the time to post some poetry. im going to be alll over this. hahaha


    DS

    • marrow
      March 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you man, and yes... you would receive gold. i may post something.


  • Redstormy gold member
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    fascinating

    I swear your writing has evolved over the years, I never know what to expect from your poetry. Exquisite work my friend.

    Red

    • marrow
      March 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much.
      i hope to see more work from you in the future. how's your family been?

  • Rowan gold member
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! I loved,
    "as though a bag and a pocket full of hearts
    was something never seen
    before" wow. Congratulations!


  • MuddyKing
    March 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    love the monotone musak line
    contender


  • purpledragonfly
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great piece you have here/hear - it's just so awesome the ending really catchs you with the monotone in the elevator - what a drowning experience for anyone (musac) ugh.... Wonderful job.....good luck to you ! Betsy


  • Great Cthulhu
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    I love how you pulled your inspiration from this picture. Very much writing outside of the box. In the last stanza:

    "if not, i'll take the elevator,

    and drown myself in



    monotone."

    I feel your pain, I can't stand Muzac!

  • heartofpainfultears
    March 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is wonderful!!!!! i liked the way it ended....great job


  • deadcolor dreams
    March 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Awesometastic.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This has a foreboding that, to me, is very thick. It seems...I don't know..perhaps a little schizo...it draws me in..but I am not sure I get it...the last three stanzas, are brilliant on their own, I especially like the idea of that note you wait to here...it reminds of an aria..I can't think the name...any way, a note so pure, so divine, it saves him.. the richness and vibrancy, one imagines that note to have...then the thought of going to the flatness of monotone, down into hell (with no fire), a pale version or even a shadow...bleakness...I'm rambling...I like this...and perhaps the pieces to come will clarify things for me...

  • FindingFate
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the snapshot feel to this one. You took an everyday moment and made it poetry. Impressed as usual. You are far beyond your years...

    • marrow
      March 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you trina.
      i'm currently working on three series, this being the only one that i'm going alone in. i'm glad that you feel i'm off to a nice start.

1 - 21 of 21