'because I couldn't bleach the white away,
I dyed away the pain
The epitome of fear lingers in the air
Hackneyed veins and coarse hairs
Stick out of the flesh suit
His pellucid stare
Burns holes through my skin
The feel of hatred
The sight of pain
Wanted me to end it
He begged and pleaded
I just said no
Ran as far as I could
Never looking back
His photograph was in the daily
The day after his death
Turns out he gained the courage
To take a life
He never really lived
No more needles
No more pain
He was free
Of the monotonous
Addiction of physical means
His body at rest
His soul at peace
This was the final chapter
In the story of his life
A contest entry
- Not For The Faint Of Heart by deadcolor dreams.
600 points, ended April 2, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your personal best by indomitable.
600 points, ended July 7, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is a well written poem that sucker punches you in the gut. succinct, while thoroughly telling a harsh story. such good writing here, the hardness of the subject doesnt seem to make the poem itself hard. its actually sort of soft and lilting. i liked this, thank you for sharing it.
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Haunting
From experiences with a person of questionable character...I understand this write. You have described him well to your readers. For those with personal knowledge---well you have given words to their emotion. Very well done. I feel their may have been a child in question in the first lines. Your handling of this touchy subject was magnificent! Your choice, admirable. May you find peace in your decision for it seems he could not. -
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Thank You
For understanding, and being compassionate in my poem
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This is a great poem, one thing though, line 15 has E's in it.
His picture was in the paper
I just wanted to point it out to you so that you wouldnt get DQed -
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man i miss counted again but its all fixed now thanks
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much better.
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well honestly when i counted the lines i miss counted and thought that, that line was actually line 16 so i didnt intentionally break the rule, i fixed it again
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I figured it was something like that, that';s why I gave you the chance to edit.
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thanks is it atleast somewhat presentable now?
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Yeah, I'd already told you as much.
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Too much repetition of filler words. (ie: I, he, his this).. and I personally prefer linebreaks.
You broke my rule about line fifteen.
Tell if you edit.
If you don't fix the rule broken by tomorrow, I'll DQ you.
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i fixed it up i fixed the broken rule, i fixed the filler words i hope you like it
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