Your eyes
I can't turn away
Rip my heart out
Where did I go so wrong
When did I lose this fight
Your eyes
Seering my soul
Why have I taken it
So far from home
So far from myself
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
Lost in the dark
It's cold as ice
This heart
I never let you see
The true heat
That lies within
I was wrong
To ever pretend
Your smile
Is all I need
To ancher me
And my soul
To this plain
Your arms
It's cold in here
Just take me in
And hold me close
Your heat will keep me here
You're my water
My lover
Nectar of the gods
And sharer of souls
I need you
I'm sorry
If I made you think
You were less
Then perfect
I love you
Author notes
Would it be to shallow if I could write a love song...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Chris...verrrrry heavy!! I want to be your listening post, to hear what's behind these words, to share your load, to bolster your spirit, to let you know that no-one needs be alone!!! You've got my email... contact me
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great piece. I love how it floed from one thing to the next. Woderful. Pleease keep penning
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Good!
I think it's lovely. It seems like the kind of poem you look back at after the relationship is over and it brings back the good memories of budding love. -
OK, this is clearly about love, so you pulled that off, but it uses too many cliche's, like "cold as ice", "nectar of the gods". Tough to write about love without relying on the cliches or the familiar images. But it's controlled and restrained, to the point on the longing feeling, so neatly done. Take a look at my first attempt at that "love poem", going out on THAT limb, and comment back on "together, love" for me.
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I disagree with Miss stranger, I think this is great. Made me feel something, and that my friend is all a poem should do!!
All this right and wrong crap, about how a poem should be is silly nonsense. Poetry is YOUR expression of how YOU feel and NO ONE can say if it right, wrong, good or bad!! Only IF THEY LIKE IT!!!
All the best.
Phoenix x
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hmmmmm....the message is lovely though the style is a little bit too childish!all these word-combinations are far from being spectacular and usually in such case either the main idea has a special twist or the structure, the rhythm creates that appealling flavour yet in here,every aspect is way much too ordinary to have any particular effect upon the reader either than the ususall "what a lovly love poem!".some methaphors would have made it all much more intriguing!hmmmm....anyway....these are simply sugestions.keep up an dbe creative!
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A Worthy Read!
"You're my water
My lover
"Nectar of the gods
And sharer of souls
I need you"..
Amazing.....Im in total awe....
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