Words with tears endured
Holding on to those last memories
You embraced me in your arms
Your lips quivered as you spoke
Those words with your last breath
“I’ll love you even after death
No dimension can part our hearts
Embrace your lips with mine my love
You’ll remember this kiss till the end of time”
Your eyes closed for ever more
My lips wouldn’t separate from yours
My tears dropped upon your cheeks
Slowly your touch turned cold
It seemed like only minutes ago
I heard your heartfelt words
Now I have to let your body go
With all my dreams and hopes
Night had fell as you lay there
Clutching your cold hand
That once warmed my heart
In a list
A contest entry
- YOUR MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE by bitter scarecrow.
750 points, ended April 3, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Heart to Heart~ Soul to Soul~ by Frozentearz.
525 points, ended May 15, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 77 of 77
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Well i loved this poem, it brought a tear to my eye, i felt its depth and pain, loss and sorrow. brilliant!!
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This was an enjoyable read. You painted a very vivid picture here.
Well done.
Keep up the good writing -
Beautiful and sad. I think the poem itself would do well for a bit of punctuation but other than that, a sad piece of work.
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Is this your husband in Viet-Nam ? Goodness I hope not.
Their are some on this site who refuse to take any thing for just what it is. I personally think the raven judges couldn't judge a pie contest. I would never enter their contest. Smug bastards. Try reading some of those judges poems, its laughable, their comments are more articulate then their poetry. That review was like from a frighting lunatic. He spoke as though he had a lobotomy.
Poetry is expression of thought. Period. I dont let any one tell me how to think. Great write!
LOWELL POE -
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No it was about a friend of mine that lost here husband in her arms, And yes that raven girl pissed me off thats why I told her a few chose words. Thank you for you review and thoughts
LISA
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Writing about loss is such a common subject, it's difficult to come across original in anyway. I think in making it so specific, you aptly dodge that side effect.
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Thank you dear for you comments and your review LISA
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You speak in riddles, you comments are always about same flaws in every ones writes. I do hope you never have to feel the depth of death in your arms and the cold of that love one. That you loved with all your heart. And know only his or her remains are left cold, lifeless, and never going to hear there sweet voice again. You might be the master critique of all. But its because of poets like you that people, refrain from writing or entering contest. Because your comments are always so negative and too critical. I write from my heart and from the experiences of life and death, for I have had a lot of death in my life. I think more than my share, But like you said,
“I feel strongly, after reading this, that the best person to critique this work is yourself. If it expresses what you want it to then it is good, if it falls short then you're left trying to decide if anything else wouldn't. I don't envy that decision.”
Thank you for you comment greatly appreciated, (LISA)
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Loss is such a personal experience that it is difficult to write about it badly. You can't look at someone and say; "well, I think you have expressed yourself badly" since, for all you know, the person's expression has perfectly stated what they feel inside of them. This reality is why authors struggle in this genre. It has become the accepted truth that a loss poem that makes its readers feel, or remember losses of their own, necessarily must be good as it has caused the reader to connected with the work on a metaphyiscal level. But even this standard is ultimately flawed as the circumstances described by the author may in some unknowable way sync up with, and thusly trigger, memories of certain members of its audience. In short, logic compells us to believe only that there is no real way to apply objective (poets fear this word) critique to works of this nature.
For that reason, and for the reason that they try my intellect more most, I have come to dread reading such entries in my work for this contest. So, as a way of given in, I have to come accept that I can only speak subjectively and the author will have to take from that what they will.
While this piece did not inspire memories in my mind of a smiliar experience I think that is only due to the fact that you are so specific in the way you write. I haven't experienced something like this, so, honestly, I really can't relate. When I consider the ability exhibited in your writing style I feel positively, but the content is emotionally elusive. You have done a good job breaking down what could have only been moments into understandable segments that are difficult to read, but only because of the subject matter.
I feel strongly, after reading this, that the best person to critique this work is yourself. If it expresses what you want it to then it is good, if it falls short then you're left trying to decide if anything else wouldn't. I don't envy that decision.
Thank you for your entry,
~Das -
Depressing
Reminds me of a lot of bad times. Well written though, I liked this and thought your scheme really helped play on the words. I will point out that, you don't need that many full stops. Some of them are in odd places like your first stanza. It really brings it out in this line:
Your lips quivered as you spoke.
Those words with your last breath.
The pause is too long to make a sentence out of those two lines which kinda ruined it a bit for me.
Great work though.
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Thank you so much for your great review I will consider your comments thanks again (LISA)
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This is beautifully sad!
Thanks a lot for sharing this here
and keep up the wonderful work
my friend! Always a pleasure to
read you!
Jeremy0826 -
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Wow your always so kind, Thank you for beautiful words Your work is much more impressive my friend. (LISA)
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This is so deep and sad. I really felt the emotion of grief while reading this. You wrote this so well. congrats on the trophies!
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Thank you friend for your kind words and great review (LISA)
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This was amazing. From the title alone, I had surmised it would be a 'happy' poem, but you fooled me. It was truly impressive how you expressed it. Thx for sharing. -Inc."
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Thank you sis. sorry for the mix up thinking it was a happy poem. But really it was a happy thing to kiss him one more time before his death. Yes just the thought of death is sad, but being one of your love ones like your husband. And only be able to kiss him for the last time, is very heartfelt. As he dies in your arms. Thank you for your wonderful review Love (LISA)
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That's what makes poetry so amazing to me, is how you intended for it to be one thing and people can come up with the darndest reviews huh? lol. Now that you put it that way, I can see how it could be happy. Leave it to me to be the pessimist of every situation.
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Its ok sis thank you for your comments and for being you (LISA)
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Such a beautifally written poem! Although it's very sad, there is still a glimmer of hope that they died with pleasant memories, and left the other person with many as well. Very inspiring; good pictures shown in the piece too.
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Yes just the thought of death is sad, but being one of your love ones like your husband. And only be able to kiss him for the last time, is very heartfelt. As he dies in your arms. Thank you for your wonderful review Love(LISA)
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This is very good. It took a lot for me to read. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
Beka
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Thank you for your great review (LISA)
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Very deep and poignant write this is...wow
Just so intense with emotion and depth of feeling
I wish you the best in this contest -
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Thank you for your comments friend (LISA)
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this is so very well written, so very sad that one you love so much departs before your eyes... very well expressed are all the emotions that go with loosing someone you love, those feelings I can relate to..
I just love these lines...
"Now I have to let your body go
With all my dreams and hopes.
Night had fell as you lay there
Clutching your cold hand.
That once warmed my heart."
beautifully sad, well done!!
thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always.. -
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Thank you for your amazing comments. they mean alot to them. Thanks again (LISA)
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that last line in your poem gave me chills... i loved it ...loved it
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Yea it gave me chills when I was watching it too. As my friend was by the bed side of her dieing husband. Thank you for your comments (Lisa)
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O' my...
This poem is beautiful the mission in this poem was well describe. what ever inspired the right was a great inspirer. i love the piece. love
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A friend of mine lost her husband and I seen her at his bed side. Holding his hand to the very end. As she kissed him for the last time. Heart wrenching and so emotional. But true. Thank you for your grand review Sister Diva (Lisa)
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This is a well written tribute to love lost. Nice use of imagery throughout, leaving a mark of intense and beautiful pain to be held by your readers. Thank you for entering!
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Thank you for a beautiful review and a grand contest. (Lisa)
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A beautiful painting. I can see it all in front of my eyes, it's so enchanting. I hope this never actually happened to you. If it did, I'm sorry. Losing someone you hold dear is harder than some might think. Anyways, I enjoyed this.
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No not to me but a friend. Death is always sad especially when it a close loved one. Thank your (Lisa)
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Imagery is Awesome
Hey Diva
I always Love to read that Bittersweet poetry. Amazing, thanks for sharing.
E
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Grand Diva Thank you for being so supporting. Love sister diva(Lisa)
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Thank you for entering our contest and your H.M.
a joy to have you with us.
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
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Thank you for having a great contest and for the HM. (Lisa)
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Thank you so much. (Lisa)
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I like this poem I wish I could kiss like that and make my lover fill cold were he will wont me all the time I like I like
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Yes My dear to be in love even after death is a very emotional experience. Thank you for a great review (Lisa)
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HEartwrenching... the ending had me near tears! Soulful cries of expression... thanks for entering and keep the ink flowing... a great tribute to the contest here... I enjoyed the read!
Frogz~ -
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Yes death is always sad and more when its someone we love. Thank you (Lisa)
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Such a sad write of soul
expressing the last moments of life sigh,
Thanks for joining in,
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
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Thank you for a beautiful review greatly appreciated (Lisa)
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what a sad and yet, beautiful piece. a terrible thing to have to say goodbye to someone you love, and you really captured a softer and more delicate side of parting w/a loved one. i loved the line where your cheeks fell upon the others...i really visioned it!!
ur AP daughter,
Rianna
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Thanks my dear I really put my heart in this write because this was a a deep deep friend of mine her man died. (Lisa)
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Nothing is more painful than losing a love to death...such difficulty in moving ahead without them....This is definitely a poem of raw, honest pain that is not a whiney, sniveling lost love because he took the other gal kinda write...This is well deserving of a trophy...good luck, and hope your hurting heart heals in time...hang onto the memories....
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This write conveys such a powerful depth. I can feel the emotions seeping through your poem. Losing a loved one is a thing not taken lightly and it is a difficult thing to live through. I can't say that this pain will ever go away, but it will dull with time. I hope that there are more of your poems to come, because I can't even begin to tell you how much this poem speaks too me.
--Nanners -
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Thank you so much for you beautiful words. Death is very hard to deal with. only time can heal ones heart. This happened to my friend. so so sad. Thanks again (Lisa)
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this nearly made me cry,soooo emotional.A really great write here,you put alot of thought into this yew can tell.I love the lines "No dimension can part our hearts" sends shivers woah,im bookmarking this,keep writngxxx
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Wow thank you so much. I feel Honored with your words. Thank you for reading my sad write. (Lisa)
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Brimming with emotion, I can feel the pain in your words. Excellent piece, well written.
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Yes death is always so emotional. Hard to cope with. Thank you for reading my write. Grealy appreciated (Lisa)
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That was heartwrenching. A love that withstood the test of time, even if that time were short. It was still emotional and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for reading my write. Love is like that my dear. Its so hard to let go of some one you love after death. And only the sweet memories remain. Thanks again (Lisa)
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it's very beautiful, and very wonderfully written. I can feel your emotion in this
bravissima
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Thank you so much I am glad you liked it (Lisa)
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amazing i love it!!!!applause to you!!!
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this brought tears to my eyes...i can only imagine the pain that you must have felt...great job you expressed so wonderfully...it felt real to me as i read it!!!the last stanza really blew it out!! great job
thanks for sharing...
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Wow every one tells me that. I guess it did what it was suppose to. You every one that read it to feel the pain and sadness in the heart of the one that lost a long time love. Thanks again my friend (Lisa)
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you practically made me cry...if this was based on true story...I'm sorry...an amazing poem nonetheless
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yes it was based on a true story but not mine it was of a good friend of mine. And I just keep thinking of it and had to put it in to words. Thank you for reading it greatly appriecated. Death is always so so sad (Lisa)
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Strong emotion
Loss is always so very powerful, it can make you bleed or leave you hallow or both... Great write, hoping this was not a personal experience, either way I can relate to the tragic loss.
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Thank you for you kind words. And no it happened to a friend of mine. And I keep thinking of it so I just had to put it in to words. Thanks again (Lisa)
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Wonderful
This is very heartfelt. I know this all too much, about death. It is a painful thing to say goodbye to someone you love.
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Thank you my dear for reading my write. And yes death is always so painful. Love AP Mom (Lisa)
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Great work
i love this poem, it showes emotional pain and i can relate to it, good job
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Thank you so much for you great comments greatly appreciated. (Lisa)
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Wow... I felt this almost, almost as If it were happening... amazingly sad and beautiful poem my friend!
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Thank you my friend. This was some thing that happened to a friend of mine. And I couldn't get it out of my head. So Tried to put it down in words. Glad you read it (Lisa)
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Splendid!
Aww.. this was sweet and sorrowful. I hope this wasn't reality... it would have been too tough to imagine. Very passiante and origainally expressed. Many intense words with extreme emotions!
Very well done!
_-Corr-_
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Thank you for you such heartfelt words. And no it didn't happen to me. It happened to some one I know. Thank again Greatly appreciated (Lisa)
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Emotional write with images of sadness and loss. The devotion one holds after losing a love is eternal in death.
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Yes so true even when I was writing it I felt so much sorrow with in. Thank you my friend (Lisa)
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