Men don't murder because they're made to
Women don't nurse because they're asked to
Children don't cry because they're told to
Brothers don't charge because they're ordered to
Poet's don't write because they have to
People don't give because they're begged to
Doctor's don't heal because they ought to
Babies don't smile because they learn to
Some things aren't learnt, not acquired over time
Some things are born with, are meant to be
Sometimes when your head doesn't know what to do
When there's no one to show you the way
You have to follow your feet
You have to trust your heart
To find the path
You were born for
Author notes
BruiserMadden
A contest entry
- Staying in the Light by sahdana.
650 points, ended March 20, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Meaningful by A falling star.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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This is a great piece that I really enjoyed reading. I really love this because it is true and has a lot of meaning to it. Congrats on winning the honorable mention
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Wow. This poem was amazing. I loved the theme, the flow, the rhymes. I thought it was cool how repetative it was. Everything was just WOW. I thouroughly enjoyed reading this poem. I really liked the messege you send in this. Excellent job. =)
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Some things are done instinctively - one just does them not because they can, but because they have to it seems. Interesting poem you have pennes here - food for thought - deep stuff written in these lines.
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Nice idea . . . but for for me, as a poet, I do have to write or I think I'd explode XD. The repetition worked, but I think you might have used the same sentiment with a different, more interesting structure. Great job anyhow, keep writing.
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wow that is very good. i like it very much. very truthful. great job on this piece. and congrats on the honorable mention.
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Very Nice
I think that this is a very nice poem that inspires the reder to take note of what is being said...It is very true of life and the path that is chosen...It is a very perceptive poem and I feel honoured to have read it...Tremendous job and keep writing
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Yes, a bit repetitive, but overall stunning effect. Fate is very interesting, no?
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At first, I felt this might be too repetative, and had the "want/asked to" etc carried on any further, I think I really would've felt that. But, those last two stanzas really opened it up for me, and created this fantastic melodic piece that was incredibly easy for me to relate to on a personal level, though the poem seems for a generic wider audience. I really enjoyed this.
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Transcend All
Groovy! I think your writing has inspired thought and a whole lot of feelings. I could give you an example from personal experience of one person like you've written and one person who couldn't possibly be this way or else she asked for the pain, you see were I'm going. Your writing has sparked emotions, as a painter I think thats more brilliant than people realize. As a writer you wish to move people. I think it's great! Your experience in life may be with people just like you wrote! Please never change your vision to fit a mold!
Namaste'
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almost sounds like a song... very talented!!! bravo!!!
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good message
seemed a bit repititous but then it came to work well in the end. Different but I liked what it said too . good write
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So Very True!
Sometimes when your head doesn't know what to do
When there's no one to show you the way
You have to follow your feet
You have to trust your heart
To find the path
You were born for
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An immensely powerful poem you have here. The first eight lines strike hard and keep you thinking. I love it.
Perhaps the first two lines are a clichéd point of view, but I'm not one to knock your thoughts/opinions. I love the inclusion of 'Poet's don't write because they have to' - it makes me question life. Then, why do I write..?
I feel the last few lines could have been conveyed in a more powerful way, with inclusion of more poetic devices. Such as a wider vocabulary, metaphor, similies etc. First eight lines are perfect how they are.
Thank you for entering this poem in my contest.
DancingRed.
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ooh that was awesome! I love it. The parallel structure in the first 2 stanzas and the repetition is great in this poem. And I like how you included poets, because obviously all of us on this site understand at least that line.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
An interesting write. Perhaps the basics of genetic make-up has been conditioned over time...I am thinking of conditioned learning dogs dont do tricks without learning the responses ... babies cry because they have yet to learn how to talk but communicate their need in the only way they know how.If people really did not want to murder should they not exercise self control....men rape because they dont want mmmmmmm they follow their heart to find the path born into....I do appreciate what you are saying and yes it gives rise to thoughts...however is not man intelligent enough to make up his own mind and have a little self control ...or just blame his heart for the action of immoral acts....I go back to it is a woman's fault if she is raped guess she was following her trust in her heart to be raped because she was born into it .... why the hell would anyone believe in any god if this was the intention of man.....Interesting post.
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thanks
you raise some interesting points in ur comment, some of which i agree with completely. Originally the poem ( the first 2 and 4th lines ) were the start to a war poem, but like most of my writing, it sort of morphed into what is in front of you right now. The first line, i agree with you, does not seem to fit in this context as well as if i had used it in a war context. However, the implied context was the war one, not the "crazed maniac" going around shooting innocents. Your question that "shouldn't man be able to make up his own mind and have self control" gives rise to some interesting thoughts as well. If humans are conditioned from birth, cannot choose their path in life, indeed, cannot choose who they are (as who they are is a reflection upon genetics and past experiences) can you not say then that man has no control? No free will? So I answer, no, I don't think man is intelligent enough to control who he is, because to control who he is entails controlling his genes and his past.
Immoral acts? These are just convenient conventions of society to control the actions of their members.
Now I didn't say that men rape because they don't want to. What I was more getting at is, do we truly have 'free will'? Are we free to choose WHAT we choose? Are we free to be able to choose whether or not we are born into a family who will ultimately end up conditioning us to become a "bad" member of society- a murderer, a rapist? Interesting topic.
Women getting raped? Not her fault. Just because she trusts in her heart does not mean that she is responsible for being raped.
And why the hell would anyone believe in god?
I must agree with that one
I'm sure we could go on forever about this stuff but
Thanks for the honest response, I don't often get ones that challenge beliefs and ideas, it was a very appreciated change.
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WELL IF YOUR POEM WAS TOO MAKE PEOPLE THINK I TRULY WORKED!!!! IT MAKES YOU WONDER WHY WE ARE DRIVEN TO DO THE THINGS WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some things aren't learnt, not acquired over time
Some things are born with, are meant to be
Sometimes when your head doesn't know what to do
When there's no one to show you the way
You have to follow your feet
You have to trust your heart
To find the path
You were born for
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I love this! This was a great write! Please keep sharing your thoughts. I look forward too seeing more of these in the future. I think your use of Imagery is amazing.
--Nanners -
Wonderful. It is amazing how you captured this, you can't change fate, just follow your feelings.
In line 11 i think you ment to do.
amazin -
trusting...
yes, trusting in one's heart can truly be a salvation! Thanx so much for entering and all the best to you. peace & blessings
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The message of this poem is wonderful. But really it has nothing to do with why you hide or what it is you hide from. Well done and good luck.
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Love the message this sends. So much for taubla rosa, huh? I often wonder how much of the worst parts of our humanity are acquired... it seems we are in many ways more bararic today than when we came out of the cave. Then again, that may betray a certain ignorance of our distant past. I can't really say.
Best wishes in your future endevors.
~Das -
"To find the path / you were born for"...true words...this whole poem is filled with a deep message. it is written with such emotion and talent. great flow, and great choice of words. a piece with the same thoughts and concept could not have been written better by another! i love this!
~b*e*e~ -
*is simply amazed*
"Babies don't smile because they learn to..." by far my favorite line. You have an amazing way of expressing the simplest concept, such as fate, in the most interesting poetic form. I love the form you've chosen here, it isn't the typical boring rhyme and rhythm poem. -
.....wow.
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Agreed.
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