(we threw the past into unlabled boxes
and ran)
the afternoon hung low in theme-park clouds,
spreading a dappled table cloth
out across the yard,
and so we picnicked on fresh cut grass
letting the dreams of a time-less reality
squeeze between our toes,
you held my hands
and twirled my happiness
high above our heads,
we were birds with wings of sky
running from the awaiting year,
free as angels without a God.
(the future yawning behind our backs)
Author notes
Inspired by the phrase 'fresh cut grass.' It makes me think of the summer holidays, which is a time to forget time ever existed.
And I do not think my poem conveys a romantic sort of love. I intend it to be something more like friendship or sisterly love.
Critical comments appreciated.
Option 2B: http://www.ndesign-studio.com/images/portfolio/illustration/abstract-life-1.jpg
In a list
A contest entry
- SCENTS: --- Fresh Cut Grass --- by deadcolor dreams.
300 points, ended March 18, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF Contest Now allowing PreWrites IF they go with the options by Amorous Arms.
600 points, ended September 16, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical comments are most welcome.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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love the take on the prompt. so cool! i would have never guessed fresh grass when looking at the picture. i love the way you took it and i loved the poem! thank you so much!!!
~Ali -
i found it more like a new puppy love. two new lovers not knowing what the other wants and just the touch of their hands makes them the happiest people in the world. i especially liked how you opened the piece. that caught my attention and drew me into the poem
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Well I see why this piece won a contest previously, its so very eloquent in its image, its so strong; free as angels without a God? Wow, thats a hell of an image. I also enjoy the first line, thats the unique, to throw your past into unlabeled boxes and run? Good job, is that an attempt to hide whatever has happened? To guise the previous, and create the current? Live in the moment I suppose. Good job and good luck with this contest.
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I've now read this about 3 times. I loved this.
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Thanks so much.
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This is the second piece of your's i've read and i like it even more! I love the comparison between past at the start and the ending looking away from the future. i loved it, thanks for a great read
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Awesome!
My dear DancingRed, this poem is SO beautiful!
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Thank you ever so much!
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LOVE this.
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Yay, I thought you might.
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I personally didn't like the ending - but that's because of my own spiritual convictions of what I believe to be truth.
But other than that, your entire poem is perfect and publish-worthy. I felt like I was in my poetry class reading William Carlos Williams, or some other modernist poet. I loved it for that. Your imagery is very crisp and pulled together well. -
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Thank you most heartily for your compliments.
If you're referring to the line "free as angels without a God", I ummed and ahhed about leaving it there because I do believe in God myself. In the end I left it there, thinking it conveyed a feeling of not thinking about the future, a feeling of dangerous freedom...
Again, thank you thank you for reading and leaving such a great comment.
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