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I Wish

I wish I were old enough back then

to fully comprehend today's common knowledge...


the stench of liquor burned in my lungs--

obscenities and loud voices made their home

in my fragile ears...and to this day, I hear them;

how I wish it were not so easy to remember


accusations prancing in pretty lies

form invisible bullets aimed

toward the unfortified hearts

of a neglected mother and child


I wish I possessed some faculty

to reverse time or alter events in history


vision blurred as sadness entrenched;

we were going away, my mother would say...

I wailed for succor from a benevolent deity--

but who would heed the sorrow of a child?


mannequins in black with scepters of wood

decreed and sealed separation in a single word

and before this mind could fully comprehend

my earth rived, all my dreams crumbled before me


I wish I could've held my family together...

to no avail my heart clings doggedly to hope

Author notes

another page from my life...

My parents were divorced in 1989. I was six. Watching the disintegration of my family has affected me to this day. I don't think I have had a truly happy day since. (I was diagnosed with severe depression the following year.)

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1 - 6 of 6

  • agazeley gold member
    November 26
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    A great write, by one of my favorite poets . .


    Don’t worry dear Raven, you have enough talent and consequent maturity that you will drain the riches of your unfortunate beginnings . . to your advantage.

    You are still so young . . and only at the beginning of the part of life that you will cherish and remember in later years as adolescents fades away. . and new realities will be savored.

    I remember years ago when you used to write about how you loved to sit and look out of your window at the sky– well this is one window that you can turn away from, as you are certainly someone that will have a corridor of windows with enviable views ahead of you.

    Lots of Love
    Granddad


  • sunny day
    April 30, 2007

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    Raven, I feel your pain and I do mean first hand. My biological father when he was alive was an abusive alcoholic. Thus when he was to coin that phrase, "on the wagon" everything was so peaceful in our lives. I am truly sorry that you had to suffer the way you did and end up in depression at such a young age, nobody should have to go through that. I thank God every day for all I have and I know that you do too. I can still remember the night my mom sat down crying and this was after she had made a decision to throw my dad out, she said if you girls want me to let him stay I will. Well, I was all of eleven and my sister was not quite seventeen yet. We looked at her nerve wracked body and heart and we told her no mom, you can't. She would have ended up institutionalized because that's how bad it was getting, she was headed for a nervous breakdown on an express train. I haven't thought about this for some time and even though I am crying right now, I still know in my heart she did what she had to and we stood behind her while still not losing love for our dad. We would visit him and we would still help when he went on his binges. I know my mom is a good woman because she was blessed by Him when she met my stepfather whom we now call (papa), a name the grandchildren bestowed upon him. He was widowed, lost his wife when she was but thirty-five to cancer and they never had children. She was barren. He got an instant family in us when they married in nineteen hundred and seventy-five. I see I'm rambling here, I will stop now. You are a survivor and you have more strength than you realize. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. My heart is with you. Congratulations on the award you got for it. As usual it is written perfectly, you wouldn't have it any other way. Love you my friend, Joyce


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    April 4, 2007

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    Thank you for entering

    Oh honey... This is so sad. I don't think that we ever really truly understand what is happening, except that it is sad and that it hurts. This touched me to the very core

    Love you!
    Sha

  • Rambler
    March 31, 2007

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    I KNOW

    My parents were divorced in 1971 after some years of fighting, looking as if things would mend, more fighting. I woke up one night when I was 10 or 11 to hear things a child should not have to process, things that froze my soul and filled me with a dread and discouragement inexpressible. When they were finally divorced my father fixed it so that my sister and I had to testify in court against our mother. Do you have any idea what it does to a young boy's insides to testify against his mom? All I can tell you is I died a death that day that no one saw.

    On the positive side I've learned that everything is double-edged. Such a raw deal has been part of my lifelong acquaintance with invisible suffering that has allowed me to have an empathy with people at their worst. Because of it there have been times I've been able to size up the essence of someone's painful plight in a few words and offer a listening ear where others don't even know what to listen for. Sure, I'd rather not have paid such a price but since I did it's good to get something out of it, as I know you have. We're all damaged goods, some of us more than others. Some of us have done a better repair job.


  • astralshepherd gold member
    March 20, 2007

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    i have been going to open mic sessions at a local coffee shop, learning to read aloud, noticing there is a difference between poems that are intended to be read aloud and those to keep silent. Your poem, here, has that read-me-aloud quality that, i think, comes as you find your voice, your elementally essential self as it rises to the surface, that inner being seeking to be heard - out loud - as a vibrant soul in touch with its heart beat. The alliteration is brilliant, vowels dancing with consonants providing a wonderful treat for the tongue and the ear. and tho, sad in tone it is SO well done, dear poet, well done. Blessings and best wishes, ~r.

  • mina nagi
    March 19, 2007

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    Melancholic

    Rave, this is so sad... disintegration of a family leaves immeasurable wounds in child’s life and nothing can erase those scars … older we get, we start analysing the situation with precocious intelligence and to the innermost depth…in this poem you’ve expressed your ruffled feelings beautifully… and your yearning in the last couplet was earnest and heartfelt… May God bless you with a happy future...
    Good luck in the contest…

    mina
    PS: Hey I've stolen your background

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