In your own mind,
In your own sacred bed,
You’ve been defeated!
You think, you’re not beautiful,
You’re only a refueling station
For the sexual exploitation
Of the next man in line.
If I live long enough,
I will make you understand,
You are equal to Isis,
No one less than Aphrodite!
I’ll kiss your eyes
In the nude beauty
Of self-awareness
That dawns at sunrise.
A contest entry
- Image- 20 by Cat.
625 points, ended March 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Uriah- this is the best of yours i've seen- rich and beautiful for sure- it is pronoun heavy and would do well with some chopping of you and yours- but overall a very, very lovely piece and a fine addition to this contest
m
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I liked this piece but I found it a little heavy-going in parts.. and top heavy with pronouns ..... with some small editing and paring down... i think this piece can be grand and come off really well as the premise is already there...
well done and many thanks for entering our contest and good luck too...
G.x -
Super poem Uriah, but ohhh that last verse, truly a stunner honey! Great stuff!
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I haven't yet checked out the image to Mary Cat's contest, but if it inspired this poem it's got to be an awesome image. I really like how you drew the names of the Goddesses into this poem...It just adds a texture of the stunning love and adoration you feel for this woman.
Best wishes to you in the contest...and now I'm off to see what image may have inspired such a poem!
Jo
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