The scent of death is what calls me to motion,
Your screams are what imbue me with power.
Your unrelenting obsession, the complete devotion
Stirs within me notions of passion gone sour.
I turn your pleasure to pain, aspiration to desolation,
I claim you; mind, body, and soul, for all time.
For who else but I shall take in such an abomination?
What delicious notions of torture, oh so sublime!
You belong to me now, forever under my command.
Do not fear me, I only seek the life within you.
Soon, my dark love, it will be over as I've planned;
Upon the moment of your death, I shall be renewed.
Author notes
Hypercathexis:
n. desire amounting to mania for an object, person, etc.
A contest entry
- Dark Masterpiece by Aeonna.
450 points, ended April 21, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is Writing Your Passion?--Prewrites Allowed by renizzle.
500 points, ended May 20, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness Eternal by Priest Winter.
600 points, ended November 21, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BRING IN THE DARKNESS by lovingpoet.
745 points, ended April 5, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
now that I got some points thaought you would love some and good luck
-
-
Thank you so much! ^_^
-
-
VERY DONE WITH THIS WRITE THANK YOU FOR ENTERING
-
This is deliciously dark and twisted. I love the flow and scheme of it. I could find no awkward part throughout the entire poem. My favorite stanza was this one:
"You belong to me now, forever under my command.
Do not fear me, I only seek the life within you.
Soon, my dark love, it will be over as I've planned;
Upon the moment of your death, I shall be renewed."
It finishes off the poem so well, and is such a great closure for it. Great write, and congratulations on the many trophies won by it
Whit
-
reminds me of vampires. good jo
-
OK, then...I admire your rhyme scheme, with its feminine rhymes. Some places (lines 5&7) it reads as though you were working solely to get to the end rhymes; I think it would be even more effective if you were stricter with yourself (;--) about rhythm, number of syllables (and stresses) per line. I can see that the content here gained you much admiration; I think that your narrator, with the suggestions of control, power, great competence, coldness, would read even more powerfully if the rhythm and syllables snapped more.
-
Seems the feel around here is all dark right now. Not taking from the brillance of your write. It was very well done and I enjoyed it. Just an observation of the fact that the last 3 poems I've read have been dark. You did a good job here. Pen on...
-
Superb
Hmmm...a poem worthy of "Darth Vader", if he were a vampire that is. I think I've seen every vampire movie there has been, including the one's staring Lan Chaney.* Actually, it was Bela Lugosi, who starred in the early "Dracula" movies. So another link coming up:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bela_Lugosi
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lon_Chaney,_Sr. -
Well it seems useless to wish you luck when you have quite an impressive list of trophies already that speak for the quality of this poem. It is truly a dark masterpiece indeed. I really enjoyed reading this piece and I thought that it was very well done. The first stanza is my favorite but the others are also amazing. All in all it was beautifully penned and very deserving of those trophies. Keep writing because I look forward to more of this original and unique pieces.
-
Nicely done. I can see from the list of trophies that you have amassed that many others think that as well. It is a chilling poem and I learned a new word. I don't think that I will be using it in a sentence anytime soon.
-
Ah, a poem completely revolving around a single word... and it's well-written too! Good job. I think you've rightfully earned those throphies.
-
lol... wow thank you, you read my mind. I was wondering what was the defination of you title... and you gave it to me in your author's notes.
This was a great peice.... and diffantly deserves the trophies you have recieved from it. Great piece... welcome to the pre-lims.
~Lumin -
-
Wow!! Thank you.
-
-
love the title, good job
-
-
Thanks. :3
-
-
Wicked!
Amazingly dark! Love the title, has to be the most unique title I have ever seen! Best of luck in the contest! -
-
Ty!
-
-
Simply amazing! I must, also, compliment you on creating such a piece based on a single word. Very well done!
Good luck in the contest!
-
-
Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
very dark.. well written poem. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
-
ooooooooooooooo beautifully penned. your rhyming scheme is right on! perfect! thank you for your entry!
-
I'm catching a slight 'Vampire-feel' here, of course that might not be it, however in any case I ABSOLUTELY love this poem.
"The scent of death is what calls me to motion,
Your screams are what imbue me with power."
This shows the sadistic feel of the person whom is doing this to the 'victim' (as it were).
"I turn your pleasure to pain, aspiration to desolation,
I claim you; mind, body, and soul, for all time."
I love these lines because it shows despite the persons pleasure for the pain of others, they want to claim everything of the other person, in which case it could go down to rape.
"For who else but I shall take in such an abomination?
What delicious notions of torture, oh so sublime!"
This also shows the sadistic side of the person, and yet they seem to -want- the 'victim', possibly more so then just a physical need but rather more of a emotional want from the person.
"You belong to me now, forever under my command.
Do not fear me, I only seek the life within you."
This is what gives me the feel of a vampire or werewolf, possibly a succubus or something.
"Soon, my dark love, it will be over as I've planned;
Upon the moment of your death, I shall be renewed."
It could also be a banshee, or just a human but anyway; I love this poem and great write - keep it up!
-
Very interesting.
I will re-read when time permits.
Thanks for entering!!
-
Wow you have truly enthralled me with this peice it is very very good. What else can I say but wow. -Damien
-
Cool
wow i really liked how you wrote this. i got kinda confused wit some of teh words though! gj -
haha well done!
you are brilliant! how do you write this stuff? i love it and i hope that some day i am half the literary genious that you are.
P.S. hope to see you soon! XD
here's the rest of my credsXD
-
very well done i like it well fuckin done
nightmare xx
-
wow, i love it. i have a strange attraction towards very dark writes like this. well done and good luck in my contest!
-
where the heck did this come from, this is something i think a killer would send to his victms this is some son of sam stuff, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
Well written. Good job and keep writing! thank you for entering in my contest also!
-
Bravo
this is a dark masterpiece. so much power of darkness.. the pain, i feel.. yes, yes.. i'm so glad, you have enter this masterpiece in my contest..
red roses
-
I loved it, and the rythem to it.
-Dante
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
