im scared in gonna lose you
like i lost everyone else
im scared im gonna hurt you
like i hurt eveyone else
i just want it to be normal
i just want this relationship
to be real
i dont want to break your heart
but i dont want to be misrible
im scared im gonna lose you
like i lost everyone else
im scared im gonna hurt you
like i hurt everyone else
i dont want to let you go
but what if i have to
i dont want to kick you out
but what if i need to
i dont want this love between us
to split apart
i dont want this love between us
to get messed up
i love you and i want to be with you
forever
but what if loving you
and caring for you is so hard
so screwed up
that i cant survive
if i stay with you...
but what do i do
when i love you
and have to let you go?
Author notes
i know some words are spelled wrong, but overall i think its pretty good.. plz comment
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Personally this could have been much better with correct grammar (capitalize certain words and what not). The emotions in this were so strong but could have been much stronger with stanzas/punctuation! Still amazing and I know the feeling! Rock on! xoxo MEg
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i like it.
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good flow to this one. im not a fan of the gonnas and so forth, but its not that distracting. theres some repetition of lines in there, suggesting that this is a poem thats really meant to be broken up. the piece overall is a little pedestrian in that it looks a lot like the journal of every girl in america at parts, but the emotional impact is no less real. its a simplistic write, but its a little endearing.
a little advice for further workings with this piece: you end too many of your lines with pronouns, specifically you and us and it creats some false rhyhme throughout the piece. tossing in some great metaphors may remedy that issue.
DS -
good flow to this one. im not a fan of the gonnas and so forth, but its not that distracting. theres some repetition of lines in there, suggesting that this is a poem thats really meant to be broken up. the piece overall is a little pedestrian in that it looks a lot like the journal of every girl in america at parts, but the emotional impact is no less real. its a simplistic write, but its a little endearing.
a little advice for further workings with this piece: you end too many of your lines with pronouns, specifically you and us and it creats some false rhyhme throughout the piece. tossing in some great metaphors may remedy that issue.
DS
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