The deep, dreary darkness of night
trees silently, slowly swaying.
Mysterious animals singing their plight
concrete angels upon the graves, praying
for God to release the sought after light
because dying alone is such a scare,
most have never imagined such a sight!
My veins and soul are blackened bare
because I await a new life
one with my God, family, and friends
all this, at the discretion of a bloody black knife
by demand, no reprieve, come fourth and give unto my sins.
Tomorrow I'll wade in the river, refreshment upon my skin
and discover the true meaning of washing away my sins.
Author notes
hmm, I tried!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Yeah- you need to use iambic pentameter.
But although this wasn't a good sonnet, it was a good poem. I liked the use of rhyme and alliteration here
This was quite a dark write 
Thanks for your comment
Pozo
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a brave effort, a sonnet is not easy. but one of the rules is consistent syllable count in each line (such as 10 syllables per line, no more no less, 14 lines, for the classic shakespearean sonnet) your rhyme scheme is correct, but "friends" and "sins" is an off-rhyme. The longer lines are particularly cumbersome because they throw the rhythm off. rework this by tigthening the lines and maintain the 10 syllable count. It's a challenge, but it has promise. Look at my sonnet "green eyes, reworked" for an example, if interested. work it out, keep penning.
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oo
That's is so awesome! It's really good! I thought with sonnets you were supposed to split up the lines into 3 stanza's of four and one stanza of two...but I could be wrong of course. Well it's good and I think you shouldn't even think about touching it! It's great the way it is! ^_^ Keep writing!
~Tiff~
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this is very well written.
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Hmmmm I really liked it! It created a lot of imagery.. plus I'm listening/singing Call me when you're sober by Evanescence right now, I dunno, that song fit it pretty good too lol... in ways like... she's learning not to take the b.s anymore you know? In a way, your sonnet speaks about death being a new thing, like "cleansing" away the old... just like the song, she's getting rid of the guy.
Yay!!!!!!!! I loved it. And we should talk soon.
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