I am strong
bold
confident.
I explore you
like a ship explores the sea
you misplace my courage
for experience
but soon to be revealed is
my innocence
I am weak
frightened
self-conscious.
you examine me
like a man buying a car
I misplace your experience
for courage
but soon you will reveal
how scared you feel
together we are terrified
but we can play by role,
you best obey my command
and let me take control.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Great job
Wow... nicely done. I like this. Sensual, without getting trashy or explicit. Loved the way you switched viepoints from the guy to the girl. Also, a very accurate description of what the first time for a couple (assuming that at least the guy is a virgin). I liked the subtle and odd rhyming shceme. None of the rhymes is forced, and the don't disrupt the flow of the poem. For something written when you were bored at school, (I assume this took about an hour, tops) this is very well written. Props to that. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.
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Thank you, I'm really glad you thought so highly of it.
it was actually written after a french final, I wrote it in about 15 minutes, but the very last line was added in about a week later, when I came across it in my journal and was rereading it.
Thanks again.
:]
|aiko|
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Well than, you are worthy of the Sappho Prize, if there isn't one than I shall create it
I am speechless. Which is not lightly spoken sentiment.
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lol. thank you.
I'm really glad you liked it.
it's something weird I wrote
during school.
lol
I do appreciate it,
a lot.
thank you.
<3
|aiko|
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lol, a guy can't say now to a demandin woman, lol, this is a great poem i like it, keep it flowing you did a great job
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thanks :]
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