Touch, reach,
lift up your eyes
my woman
Save the ending
Save that last dance for me
An oh, what a dance that would be
Through the melancholy
the deeper I go falling
crawling on broken knees
Through the darkness
there you'll be
Lift up your eyes my love
life isn't done with us yet
I won't fade away
I'll never betray
Say you'll be there
at the end with me
May I adorn your wisdom
your face
your stride
your self
your love?
Watch the skies,
thunder rumbles from above
Would you listen
for the war?
Would you love me
if I were poor?
Follow me to evermore
would you carry me
in from the storm?
Would you hold my heart
cradle it inside your deepest art
Don't wait until I've fallen apart
Until I feel the end through my fingertips
Don't let me slip,
on hallowed ground
Heart still pounding
all resounding
I'll never try to
sabotage your
fragile wings
Your soul it sings to me
through your loving eyes
your hopeful sighs
to cast away empty cries
call to arms
Don't be alarmed.
This is me
all of me
a guardian,
a has-been
Carry me back from the war,
to heaven's door
That's the beauty,
the very core.
That's the light
I've been searching for
An imperial after-glow
charished forevermore
That's the beauty
all that is true
That's the beauty
Your world it moves me
carries me to something new
That's the beauty
The beauty in you
A contest entry
- 31 to 35 ages enter your best prewrite Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended January 18, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your best. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 9, 169 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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Thanks so much for entering
&&
Good luck
[if you are placed in the finalists I will leave a better comment] -
Excellent work
Thank you for entering this into my contest I wish you the best of luck
Redwing Spirit
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Very Nice
Excellent Writing
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as I read this
it was as I was reading this as a moment in time, where you was truly feeling every word you wrote at that very moment, you love for women truly does shine in this poem you have penned so wonderfully...
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sigh..so lovely..I don't think I focused on anything around me but these words.....they are a whisper, the short line length works so well in this..what a beautiful love poem.
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wonderful
I love how powerful your emotions are in this poem. Very well written, and kudos for being able to transfer such strong emotions to the reader. -
This reminded me of being in love with someone for the first time...all the 'would you, could you' questions..Brilliant pen...style...all yours..--thanks for reminding me of the feelings of being in love..I've kind of 'forgotten'...peace ~ Mia
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Awesome and so passioniate. A Real man that is not afraid to speak from his heart.I love this so mucch.
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a testament to true love...
don't let me slip
on hallowed ground
heart still pounding
all resounding
i'll never atempt to
sabbotage your
fragile wings
your soul, it sings
to me as we familierize
to cast out spies
These are my favorite lines in this piece. Surely, this will capture the heart of the one you love. I love the rhyme and rhythm in this piece. True love like this certainly will "weather the storm."
Knight70 -
Once again I find myself here to read the heart of a man who fears not to show his love as it should be. So strong anf building are your emotions here. The reader cannot help but to feel the intensity within you as you spill your heart upon the page.
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Very Nice
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Aww!
I loved how you wrote this, really, as if you were thinking about the moment as you wrote it. In this moment, I could feel with you...and see how beautiful the world is as two lovers in love...always in love...taking care of each other. Always. Forever.
Beautiful!!! -
WOW i am in awe of this. your words, it's like there's an intensity that builds as one is reading this. this is just gorgeous and so full of emotion and just like you're talking to "your woman" and saying, "listen, i love you, this is how i feel, hear my words" i know i sound like i'm a babbling fool, sorry lol
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No, not babbling at all, I love this poem too. It was written to a woman that I'll never understand, but loved all the same. The funny thing is that she loved me unconditionlly but decided to run away with her girlfriend instead.
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Beautiful and overflowing with love. Well written. I am amazed at the intensity of the feelings expressed in this poem. Well done.
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This is lovely!
It is good to see that there are men afoot that love their woman to this magnitude. I am simply awestruck at the commitment this poems spins. Very nice!
Charity
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How a woman would be very lucky to have a man that is so passionate and really meaning it. Passion is the most beautiful thing you can ever experience. Love the write and now I have something to think about.
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this was yet another wonderful poem that you have created and shared with us
great luck to you
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Very well written, thought out, and beautiful! I really like the style and form. I give it a 7 out of 10
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Beautiful Write
I hope this tribute convinced your woman. For it convinced me. Well thoughtout and expressed (Lisa)
"the very core
that's the light i'm looking for
to weather the storm
settle me down
i know your true
that's the beauty
the beauty in you"
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Brilliant!
Absolutely beautiful! If only all men could tell the woman they loved just how much she meant like this! Beautiful work!
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sweetcheekz
i like this poem alot and i like the fact that its mystery makes me want more...great i say.
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A welcome addition to the contest. I enjoyed reading and I wish you the best! Keep the ink flowing~
Frogz~ -
Thank you for sharing in our contest heart to heart soul to soul.
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
awwww. it was so simple yet it had such a powerful impact. just. the rhyming. it worked. it was so wonderful. it really was. nice job.
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Very Good........this was a nice piece.Keep up the good work!!!!!!
~Tia~
GOD BLESS -
Wicked sweet write. Me likes it a lot. You did very good on this. Nice work. Luck.
~Oka/KC -
great job
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memorable
a memorable love poem...from the style of your writing to the essence of it, i truly truly enjoyed reading this poem and will even bookmark it..tnx! -
if i don't quit clicking on this and having to send you the points to refeature i am going to go broke. viyanna
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How come there are so many solid men on the internet. Where are they in real life? haha. Great job. Great poem!
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i love it, just awesome!!! i just love the flow everything is awesome!!! keep writing!!!!
~Ashley~ -
Erotic
Damn!!!! This is totaly awesome!!! I wish my other half had as much passion as you. Very sexy and very romantic. I look forward to everytime seeing what you have to bring up. What shall you dig up next?
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Brilliant Again
Again, another brilliant piece of writing here. The flow and rhyme are tremendous. Once again, the imagery stands out as well. Very very beautiful words indeed. Keep writing, you have major talent.
Wayne
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Your words are so beautiful here. An amazing tribute to a woman. Your love shines thru and its just beautiful. The words just flow in heartfelt love. A wonderful write. Kelly
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Melting here!!
Ahh my friend your words can surely melt a woman's heart! For this is so beautiful and heartfelt ... Carry me back from the war to heavens door ... I can surely relate to this ... just heavenly
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This is beautiful and I hope this was written for a certain lady. All women like to be romanced and told they are special.
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This is a beautiful poem. When I was reading it I had the typical female reaction when we see/read something heartwarming. "Ahhhhh."
It is very well written. You have a really nice rythm throughout the poem. It is wonderful!!
Good job of projecting emotions through your words. Thank you for sharing! It enjoyed reading it.
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good repetition
i like the repetition of your. it reminds me of the subject and is a powerful use of describing something. it evokes courage from the speaker to the reader of the poem to weather the storm. in the storm of someone, the beauty of the person is yet to be discovered. yes? -
beautifull
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oops! i clicked on this and already commented. sorry! i am sending you points to feature this one more time. sorry! hope you forgive me. viyanna rosemarie
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I think.
I agree with the previous commentator this is a terrific piece. It is highly romantic and yet it shows such a tender soul. My goodness the lady of your affections must be a really terrific person. -
Such a terrific piece. I really enjoyed the read. Your words have painted a wonderful pictgure with your poetic words. great work.
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touching
I have a love in the war and this epitimizes what I try to do for him. It made me cry. Thank you for your excellent work and keep it up!
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WOW.
i WISH, just WISH i could write like that!
ilovedtheWHOLEthing!
very beautiul.
my favorite part was:
that's the beauty
the very core
that's the light i'm looking for
to weather the storm
settle me down
i know your true
that's the beauty
the beauty in you
GREAT!
you are an AMAZING poet,
keep it up!
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This is indeed a beautiful piece. Ity is very well penned and thought out. Thats the beauty, the beauty in you, are my favorite lines, they say so much, for people tend to look over true beauty in othersm but you have a great tyake on unconditional love. Great job!
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From the deep one speaks the light
How sweet the sound of these words for the woman of your heart, one love to give, one live to live may it be steady and never deviate from the purity of this self declared sanctity. Love can endure what betrayel cannot destroy that is one true heart spoken at the core, let the light that you bring shine strongly for the night is truly dark in times of war and insanity.
Great Poem indeed.
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So full of emotions and feelings powerfull written, great job, this flows so well together.
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I am going to keep this short. flow, emotion,and evrything a great poem needs. It is all here great job
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Wow this full of emotions and feelings, very nicely done.
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i'll never atempt to sabbotage your fragile wings
ok. you had me with the title and when i got to that line i was open mouthed, gripping my keyboard, melting and in love. (don't freak, i am not a stalker just love this poem) whomever you wrote this for is one lucky lady. you know, there is a country song title with your name that is so awesome. thank you for sharing this with me tonight as you have made me smile. viyanna rosemarie
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Just had to read it again!!
This is so full of emotion and speaks of such deep feelings ... this woman you speak of I hope holds the same for you ... you are truly pure of heart and deserve to have more love than you can handle!
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Wow words of love from a pen that reaches deep to tell the woman of his love and admiration, truly an inspired love poem and I enjoyed the read.
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i know your true
that's the beauty
the beauty in you
Indeed special as the poem describes the one waiting faithfully. Beautifully descriptive and complimentary. -
WOW
This is just a great write,full of so much emotions,great imagery.A beautiful spirit dwells within your inner being bringing forth absolute beauty.I really enjoyed the read
Blessings
~Cheryl~ -
BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!
SO very Beautifully written I love every single
line in this. Very, Very, well done, straight
from your heart and soul. Thank You!!
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Wow!!!
Ahh my friend this touches my heart so!! your words show me your true pure heart. I melt just reading this! You have a truly given talent to reach into a woman's heart and make them feel you! Just awesome!
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Love your poem, for I see your heart..very sincere..with hopes and dreams..and with your love.If you are or have been in the war, I even feel more for your need of hope..and encourage, and pray for you,.I have a son,,coming 28..next month.Just a lovely write! So natural!
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save the last dance for me
I love this particular line the best
Alot of sincerity I felt here
I didn't really like how the line were small breaking it up only missed up the flow as I read. It kinda got annoying.
but this poem was good
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