you preach, arms open
embracing. old, somehow
like an emblem, worn
away by
greed
and
malice
and ...
you unravel yourself,
thread by thread
('till nothing's left)
you light the fire.
you go,
crispy and crackling
roaring a lion-
colored flame
filling the sky
with diamonds
(and earth
quakes).
your legacy
is a long one,
told from large and
small mouthes,
cherry-covered.
your story fills
these hills
(and secrets eat
in shallow bowls
the cereal of God).
there are groans
from your grave,
coffin laughs
and clementine
breezes
you whisper
your knowledge
on the
wintery
wind
causing
snow flakes
to flicker
and fly
away.
(on the day
you were
burried,
earth shook
her fists.
the rain
fell in
rainbow
splatters,
like angry
artists (God)
with arthritis
were trying
to paint
the sun.
earth sang
an old hymnal
over the hole
they made to
put you in.
you used to
love
that ho-hum
hymnal,
in your low
rumbling
baritone,
you'd speak
the language
of your
soul.
(earth knew,
and that is
why
her voice
filled the
hollow chasms
with promising
echoes
of life)
we all brought
flowers,
a funny gift
now that
I think about
it.
we put them
next to the
dirt
raising
our hands
to heaven,
like you once
did,
and praying
for grace
and peace
and communists.
the preacher
man
he spoke slow
and free,
and the
bucket rain
came down
thick as mud.
earth and i
held schoolgirl hands,
sowing our fingers
together
in an effort to
stay real.
preacher man
called us over.
you looked out
at us
with glass
eyes,
still full of
blue.
we said our
good byes,
like roses,
and preacher
man
closed your
eyes.
earth and
i
lowered
you
down
the hole. you
never looked so
dead, covered
in brown
flakes of
eternity
(us singing "hallelujah").
a couple of the
guys
threw shovels
of the stuff
over your
box,
and that was
the end.
(flowers faded in a
couple weeks.
so did
we) )
the snow
flakes
are coming
faster now,
holding the
whole world
in a wide
white
embrace.
(you sat
transfixed
and we gazed,
imobile,
and love
was there)
the snow
numbs
my nose;
it is
time.
we try
every
day,
but with
each day
it gets
harder.
earth and i
made a
pact
to never
grow older,
but i'm
not so sure
she'll keep it
(one day
I'll see
you
again,
and we'll
kiss,
like
old friends,
and by
that time
I
will be
happy)
Author notes
(4)
I am p b without the j.
Except the thing is, I think I like j again.
A contest entry
- Take Me Away. Take Me To Dreamland. by Xx-emaculation-xX.
950 points, ended April 8, 2007, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you think, please tell me what it's like.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i love your style of writing! you just really keep me going.......... this is great!
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Ack. Why are you not on my favorites list, again? *wanders off to remedy that*
Just. Twisty yet clear, with so many images and connections - neurons firing all over the place - and I really admire the way you can just take us outside ourselves for a walk through your poetry.
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Butter,Butter, Peanut Butter...
I used to make my children lunch, from time to time, but not just a PB&J slapped on slices of bread, thick butter on each slice, the edges trimmed and quartered; now my daughters make the same sandwich for my grandchildren.
I am surmising you witnessed a funeral or had a friend tell you, or maybe even just a film version of same, keyed your thoughts...I speculate...
And you ran with it, and oh, my, how you ran. I stayed with you through each line, although I found the format trying, it was, after all, effective as I was compelled to read on.
Deep, powerful, profound, sensitive, hopeful, fearful, you put it all in there.
Thank you.
amicus...


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wow. im so glad i can see your poetry again. wow. this is one of my favorites. the whole imagery and the senario is amazing and deep and pretty all at the same time. i like the form, and like blacknight said, it is like riding on a slide; and i like that.
*adds to list of favorite poems*
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I loveddd the structure and tone of this poem. I also really liked the references to god and how descriptive this entire poem is. Great Job and good luck in the contest!
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so glad to see a new piece.

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Well, I definitely don't think, so I can't say what that's like, but I can definitely say what this poem is like:
It feels like one of those big, turny-twisty-loopy water slides at those amusement parks, the ones you ride down while sitting on some big inflatable plastic donut. You slide down, down, down, but unlike one of the slide itself when you crash-land into some big pool of chlorine and water, this doesn't end on a some big, explosion-y finale; it ends quietly and still manages to imbed itself all up in your nose and whatnot and you don't even see it coming until it happens and then you're stuck wondering what just did happen, and that's really, REALLY hard to do and you did it so well here. I'M SO JEALOUS!!!11!!111!1!!11
But anyway, yeah, this was pretty damn good, and it's neat to see you depart from your normally mile-long lines, which are also pretty damn awesome and filled with coolness and stuff.


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If your going to revert back to the j, might I suggest crabapple?
With that said, I think you're one of the few modern day writers who can/do write on such a large scale well. I don't think I've ever read anything by you under 100 lines, and typically it would be filler, but you manage to add something time and time again.
"the rain
fell in
rainbow
splatters,
like angry
artists (God)
with arthritis
were trying
to paint
the sun.?"
A simile to rival all others.

-
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Strawberry and grape are good as well. I've heard blackberry's not too bad.
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1 - 9 of 9







