Streams of blood not water
Flow toward an eerily silent lake
Rocks, pure black in color
Surround the shore
A lone figure stands by the lake side
Her long brown hair tied high atop her head
The glowing moon is the only light in the dark sky
Leading the way into the forest to lose the lost
For those who venture into this land
Despair and desertion will be all that welcome them
The woman by the blood lake
Will watch over them until she tires of them
Then the moon will manipulate her light
To lead those ill-fated souls to their deaths
But have no fear
In this land I control all
The land is my home, my kingdom
It would not dare to hurt me for it would kill itself
From my place at the lake side
I command the moon and the “water”
The only time the blood stirs
Is when I grow weary of my “company”
Let the sun guide you to your life
And let the moon escort you to your death
Come and join me by my lake
But heed my warning…entertain me or die
Author notes
I just thought of the first lines then the rest sort of came to me. Funny how that works ain't it? ^_^
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I think this is a good poem. I especially like the phrase - lose the lost, very poignant. I think the first part could do with some breaks, either comments or full stops as it could help slow the pace down.
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Rather dark, but great choice of words and very intriging... good one!
A x
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Awesome!!!
Very good, I liked the description you used; I love the dark feel you have to it's awesome!!!!
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this is so good i feel
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good job but line 10 confused me!!! otther than that good job!!
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How so?
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You have some very good description, however, I am don't like dark things very much. But keep up the good work!
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Uhmm
Pretty sure that scared the shit out of me. JK. It was good i like the description of the moon and the night exspecially since i love dark writing
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You definitely put some strong imagery in this piece. It was well written, and I like the kind of dark twist in it. Great job!
~Nikki
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Oh I forgot your applause!
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Well, I was in the middle of writing you a comment when my computer shut off on me. So I guess I have to rewrite what I said to you the first time. This, of course, is very well written. The only thing that I seen that you need to change is in the last stanza in the first line. You need to take out one of the "to"s. It should read..."Let the sun guide you to your life, And let the moon escort you to your death." Also it should be lose not "loose" in the eighth line. The ninth stanza, second line reads kind of rough...I think you should probably try to take out the word "will" and maybe change it to "would". Other than that I don't really see anything wrong with it. I do have to say that out of the whole poem the second to last stanza happens to be my favorite.
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K- i reread it and I changed those things...at least I did have any misspelled words. >_< Right spelling, wrong usage. Where would I be with cha!?! ^_^
With Love and all that SHIT
Danni Nucoal
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this is such a quintessential dark poem with vibrant colors of a gloomy and doomed scenery. interesting write. keep it up kudos!
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very interesting, dark and a little understanding...good write keep it up.
redderthenroses
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Very dark, but full of imagery. Not my personal taste of poetry. I liked the way I could see that lone figure standing. Good flow, most of the time, and no misspelled words. Good write.
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Woot for me! No misspelled words!?! ^_^ Thank you for reading and commenting.
Unfaithfully Your's
Of Blood and Tears
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this is really good! I pictured everything you wrote, also very very very dark that what I like most about it, great job I cant wait to read your next one!
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haha alas I shall heed thee. Well your imagery was amazingly fantastic, while your point of ephemeral time beautiful in way your words flowed with it. Need I say anymore? The poem is simply fantastic
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Wow! That's a little too dark for my personal taste but, it was an AWESOME write. You're a very talented writer! Keep the pen flowing!
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It is a very beautiful, very touching and meaningful and from an artist point a very well described scene I know that I could possible be able to put your work in to paint. Well done and I can't wait for your next one you would like me to read.
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