The one in the corner
Hiding from all
The one with the shiver
Who takes all the falls
The one that gives up
No second chance
The one who shuts up
Left out of the dance
The return of the outcast
A regular day
Until guns pulled fast
Lead all to pray
Fear burns within
The people around
Now all of their sin
Punished by a loud sound
The sound of a bullet
The sound of a gun
The sound of a student
That could no longer run
The one called an outcast
The one who lost hope
The one called an outcast
Now looks through a scope
One last objective
Before the end
Not so selective
He brings his own end
The silence that follows
Of a deafening kind
Now comes and hollows
Leaving bodies behind
The one called an outcast
The one who lost hope
The one called an outcast
Once looked through a scope
Author notes
Angel In Darkness
~Bullying/Abuse~
A contest entry
- Profound Rounds Part II (Finalists of Round 1 only) by Kevan.
395 points, ended March 19, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - im baaack!!! by nobodys-girl.
500 points, ended April 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1st Round: Anything you want......:D [[Closes in 1 hour!]] by xox-lankan-xox.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 171 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I doubt it's my best write, maybe it sucks, but thats for you to decide so let me know what you really think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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great poem. i thought it was very powerful but not over the top, it was just right=) keep it up
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this is amazing...wow....kinda scary though because my school just had a gun threat tuesday and so we were stuck in one classroom for like two hours....i hope you don't feel like an outcast because i have and i know how much it can hurt...well anyway awesome poem, good luck and thanks for entering!
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Very intense.. but sophisticated and dark at the same time
Wonderful job.. good luck.. hope ya move on
~Ryan~ -
wow
This is realy awsome man and i remember when i was that outcast . . . it sucked!
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Originality/Creativity - 8/10 Sweet Work. I really liked your ideas here.
Imagery/message - 7/10 Nice and inspiring.
Style/Form - 8/10 Great form and good style... not much wrong with it
Rule following 5/5 ~Every Rule was followed
Use Of Rhyme (If poem Rhymes) - 4/5 Almost all rhymes are inventive, I question the rhyme between lines 1 and 3 in stanza 7, lol, but good other then that.
Other - Proper spelling and grammer. Fairly decent poem. 8/10
Total mark: 40/50
Overall: Pretty good poem. Not your absolute best but 80% is pretty good. Good luck in the contest!
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Thanks very much... as for stanza seven i can see the confusion but i meant that they weren't selective on who they killed even when they turned the gun on themselves.
~Angel
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Wow that's really powerful, and it reminded me about 3 years ago of a kid i once knew, but he's no more now. This is really powerful and i love the way it flows. it's just awesome! and it really brings across the message very well. check out my site sometime too =)
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hehe wow u got to this fast huh? thnx for reading.... i wrote it trying to convey those specific emotions so i guess it worked... and im sry about the kid u knew... it could be avoided so easily but kids just dont care about eachother anymore.... it's a sad world
thnx again for reading
~Angel
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