Deep inside the shell of lies,
waiting to be reopened,
shines a full of life white pearl.
Dying clam has given up,
this sea wants to take away
something precious held inside.
The lying fish try to trick,
to feast upon with their eyes,
then swim as fast as they can.
Other men just try to steal,
making their prey on needing
who open up to desire.
It is easy to believe
such a beautiful bright shine
should forever be concealed...
But maybe it will meet me,
a clam surviving in sea,
and we can open up slow...
Just so we know we are safe
to show what we've been hiding.
A contest entry
- Anything by HerbalGoat.
456 points, ended May 24, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow. My, this was good. The flow was fantastic and I loved every bit of this poem! Great job!
"Just so we know we are safe
to show what we've been hiding." - Favorite part! Really clever and intellegent sounding.
. Rewarded 4
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Wonderful write very well done good rythm and good flow. I really enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Deep inside the shell of lies,
waiting to be reopened,
shines a full of life white pearl.
Dying clam has given up,
this sea wants to take away
something precious held inside.
The lying fish try to trick,
to feast upon with their eyes,
then swim as fast as they can.
I liked this...A LOT! thank you for sharing it. I will check out some of your other work too! kp -
Amazing
This is such a clever and original metaphor, I am so impressed and wish that I had thought of it cause I'm always comparing humans and myself to strange and wonderful things, but a clam??? Wow, thats fantastic and I just love the whole poem.
***Strangeangel** -
I think it's a clever idea but it slightly jumps around a bit. The second half, IMO, was better than the first besides the first 3 lines
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This is a treasure...I like the usage of the clam/pearl to express theses thought...I particlarly enjoyed the first three lines...good effort
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Interesting. I liked it though. So... is it that you are comparing us to clams? The was we hide away and 'clam' up to everyone. If so ... then bravo. Lol. You did a wonderful job in my opinion. I really did like it.
Megan -
Cool
Very interestingly put together. You had a typo on "pray", which I guess should be "prey", though, but other than that I enjoyed the nautical expression you used-having not seen any sea-worthy poems in a long time. Keep on writing! -
a deep and intriguing write,very thought provoking.
Emotions being hid until the point you feel safe.A good write indeed.Flows well.
Blessings
~Cheryl~ -
oh, wow, this is great, so unique and origanal! great work!!
good luck in the contest!!
--gooshawn xoxo
. Rewarded 4
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I half expected a rhyming scheme because of the way you started off. But alas, no rhyme.
But if thats not your thing, its cool, 'cuz its a very well written and refreshing piece of work. ^^ -
Gave me a warm feeling. i liek that in poems. you set the theme and stuck it. connection and flowing, this is a respectable write. great job here.
Love it all
. Rewarded 4
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huh, intersting metaphor for opening up to someone you can trust and giving them your heart and soul that you have been keeping safe for just the right person. I feel fear and longing and loniness and hope... nice write, thank you for the entry
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Wow...I love this poem. It's...wow. Amazing. Especially the end. It's so hopeful and uplifting but tinted with sorrow, which is the best kind of poem in my opinion. Great, great job!
. Rewarded 4
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