With slanted eye the reptile sees
a drowsy mouse by dogwood trees
As he slithers through the briar
he thinks a meal he will acquire
But drowsy mouse won’t die today
he sees the snake and runs away
Escaping is his expertise
and thinks the snake’s a slither sleaze
So slither sleaze just lays in wait
he’s wishing for a dinner plate
But drowsy mouse won’t be his prize
for he's too clever, smart and wise
In a list
Comments
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Hah! How clever!
I like the narrative and alliteration of the slither sleaze. Terrific combination here.
I must admit that I'd hoped the ending would have a
surprising 'hook' to it, or juggling the last two lines like:
"for he's too clever, smart and wise
and drowsy mouse won’t be his prize!:
It's fine as it is.
I am sure the kids giggle when you read it to them!
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Awww...how sweet!
Congratulations on being ambushed by the Poetic Bandits! I truly hope this mass visitation will bring a smile to your face and a renewed confidence to your work.
I always love to see the little guy win the day.
I love your rhyme and meter ~ you are a poet after my own heart. This is truly where my passion lies, and it always stings when contest holders say things like: "No pedestrian rhyme"...
Don't you find that?
Anyways, suffice to say I really enjoyed this endearing piece, and look forward to reading more very soon.
I send you big Aussie hugs on this day in the hopes they will bring you a little long-distance comfort, dear Dove...
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Im glad the mouse got away Cute poem
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