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Elysian utopia

Missing image




You bring it as blemished beauty;

a zealous zephyr of technology

announcing artificial attitudes

of sunny sided semantics. 

 

However,

I read through your sadistic salutes,

then translate the cremains

of charcoal and carbon,

into captivated chaos

and carnal calamities.

 

     Here I stand

     with fiddling fingers,

     still masturbating memories

     from my patchwork playground.

 

Natural navigations

turn into this robotic reality -

your luscious laughter trumps

like leather lashings,

reaping industrial ideas

of your fruitful fascination

and tactical tilling.

 

     With textile thoughts,

     I paint myself crayola canyons

     and butterfly bouquets;

 

My dreams drain comfort

from nature's crescent craters,

then create a phenomenal phantasm

of yesteryear 

 

But still,

these creamed creations

are just the mirrored mirage

of fickle foundations 

and communicative errors.

 

     I don't belong

     to your collared collective,

 

and yet,

you're still fiercely feigning

this elysian utopia.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Assigned word: perception


Word bank used in order of appearance:

blemished beauty
zealous zephyr
sunny sided semantics
sadistic salutes
captivated chaos
carnal calamities
fiddling fingers
masturbating memories
patchwork playground
natural navigations
robotic reality
luscious laughter
leather lashings
fruitful fascination
tactical tilling
textile thoughts
crayola canyons
dreams drain
crescent craters
phenomenal phantasm
creamed creations
mirrored mirage
fickle foundations
collared collective
fiercely feigning


theme: complaint against society.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • IndividualEleven
    August 31, 2007

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    interesting and well done word bank piece, wierd pic but amazing words, the style was done well for what you had to use, metaphors was perfect for this and the pace was very well balanced and done correctly with puctuations and line breaks, making this one fantastic write, well done and thanks for the comments on my works as well.


  • Hadji Murad
    April 16, 2007

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    I must agree wtih Kenyon. You have blown my mind with this poem. It's so perfect and beautiful. I adore this poem so much and the theme is so great! You express it so wonderfully with such an apt use of the English language. This is so amazing.

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    March 23, 2007

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    and so you do it again... blow my mind with your excellent use of the language! You've left a lot here to percieve... though I only took a moment to percieve the image here... it only took that long to creep me out and think someone was trying to pinch out my heart and brains!

    Fabulous job Leaner. s and best wishes always... ~Genie~


  • MessedupMarionette
    March 22, 2007

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    *blinks*

    I have no idea what that was about, but I love it. Love love love. Bloodly love. Are the pictures at the tops of your poems/contests yours? Because I looooooooooooove them. Brilliant job. Brilliant. I'm just---speechless.


  • YerTweetyness
    March 19, 2007
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    Genius !!!

    Hun, you are an absolute genius!!!!
    YerTweetyness


  • Kari gold member
    March 16, 2007

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    WOAHHHHHHH blow me away here bro VERY VERY well done. I am so impressed I don't know what to say. This is AMAZING!!!


  • x CheepPurfume
    March 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Leander, once again you cease to amazing me. I have nothing else to say, but that. Oh and this was AMAZING BEYOND ALL REASON!!! but great job. Keep up the awesome work lovely.

    Tori


  • p b without the j
    March 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Your theme is URK, SOCIETY. Hm, I think I got that. I might have to read it again. Wait right here!
    Before I read it again, though, that picture makes me sad. I read in a frivoulous teen girl magazine (that is what I do with my time. read magazines that are made for people who are twelve and under even though the magazine's title has the age IN IT: seventeen. what a dumb society. STAY YOUR LOVELY AGE! Growing up kind of sucks. That's the glamorous truth) about this one person who had a tumor in her face, and they showed pictures, and it "ish" looked like that one except...not because it was real. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like articles that are more serious, but the pictures were graphic. As in, I had to cover some of them with my hand as I was reading...I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!! HOLY CRAP!! Anyways, that picture is a complaint against society. I bet her ear hurts from those earrings, and yet she wears them because they are a symbol of beauty and adornment, and she is clearly not the world' perception of beauty, which is all screwed up anyways so who CARES? But people do, so that's what keeps the cycle going.
    Alright, NOW I will comment on your poem. Sorry. I LOVE YOU 4EVA!

    Hm. Hm. Hm...I like it. At first glance the constant aliteration could be...traumatic, as lavender shadows said, but I think it carries the piece along with a cool flow. When I was reading it, I floated from one image to another on the back of the same letters. The aliteration (watch me spell this word wrong eighty times) made it flow into one unique idea (okay, more, but who is counting, really?) and give it a kind of...beat? Like poetical base chords, and then some of the words would start the piano, and the guitar...
    what you have written is a poetical symphony! At least when I read it, that's what it sounds like to me. I also love ALL your images, my favorite sounding one being "your luscious laughter trumps/like leather lashings", and my favorite one being "collared collective". I'm not sure WHY I like "collared collective", but it reminds me of something I forgot, and it made me mad, for some reason. Very mad at the world when I read that. But it did!

    Utopias are highly overrated. Like communism!

    By the way: HI!


    • leander Moderators member
      March 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      lol Thank you sweety
      I always have the greatest laughs when you skip by one of my poems
      Thank you very much for reading this and for your deep and thoughtful comment

      Hi to you too
      How are you doing? been soo long

      • p b without the j
        March 16, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        I know! I kind of miss it here, like apple pie. Which I also miss...
        I am...working life out. Which means, I'm okay, I guess. I have good days and bad days, but mostly I am human, which means I have a LOT of bad days that I could change into good days because of my attitude, but choose not to because sometimes it's more fun being PISSED @ WORLD or whatever the youngins' (=me) call it these days.
        I think I should start writing again, but I don't know WHERE to start.
        But thanks for asking. ♥


        • leander Moderators member
          March 16, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          You should start writing again indeed
          just let the words flow you are so good with that


  • lavender shadows
    March 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Of course, you had to use one of your weird images.

    and you used "masturbating memories" - you know, that's the one that I deleted from the list immediately because I know I could never pull it off.

    *keeps reading*

    You know, I'm reading this for time number 3 because each time I find myself going "[...] sept, huit, neuf, [...]" counting all the phrases as I read. I'm distracting myself so badly! (and yes, for some reason I always count in French )

    OK, must focus...

    There we go, much better. The fact that the phrases are distracting me aside, I REALLY love what you've done with this. I've been staring at the list going " How am I supposed to make something that's still me out of that?!" and you proved here that it's possible. Wonderful choices, and wonderful take on perception. Two weeks ago I wrote an editorial on what media portrays as beauty - as if air-brushed images can possibly be real. And all those fake smiles... Yes, this was definitely a good subject for you, Lee. Wonderful!

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